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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Conflicts with sexuality

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Author Topic: Conflicts with sexuality
Member # 8033

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Hello all My first post to your board, which seems really helpful and informative. I've seen some of the advice given and I think I could really benefit from your wisdom...I am not very balanced right now. I can't make up my mind about anything and my thoughts change constantly-constant struggling

The reason why I feel this way is because I have recently discovered I may be bisexual. I've developed something of a crush on a female classmate. I'm not obsessed, it's just that I think she is beautiful and sexy and just..I do sometimes get turned on by girls who are celebrities or just people I see. Which means I like girls sometimes and I don't deny that. But there's also times when liking females seems really weird to me and I see guys and they turn me on. I fantasize more often about men but I find myself staring at girls even if I don't really want anything sexual to come of it. So, to sum it up, sometimes I am sexually attracted to girls, and sometimes to guys. Sometimes I am not turned on by either.

The whole thing that bothers me is that I need this label crap to feel secure. I don't really want to be straight or bi or lesbian-I just want to be me. Thinking ahead, I don't know whether my soulmate and partner will be male or female. I just want to feel fulfilled--to be open to both sexes and open to try new things. Is this wrong? Should I just stick a "Bi" sticker on myself, because that's supposedly what I am, and move on? Am I making too big of a deal out it?? Any help would be very much appreciated Thank you.

Posts: 4 | From: NYC, NY USA | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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well. i'll make this easy for you.

just be you

if you don't want to be labeled, you don't have to be. your orientation is what oyu say it is, it is not the terms we (the rest of the world) have defined for you and packaged into very nice, frilly little boxes.

drats, i was hoping you'd ask something along the lines of the roles of sexuality and orientation in Buddhism, because that is something i know a goodly amount about.

ahh heck, if you're curious, check out some books by Peter A. Jackson 'cause he writes a lot about homosexuality and Buddhism (and kathoey culture in Thailand, but that's something else).

Color is for crayons, not for people.

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 8045

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Dear BuddhistDreamer,

It seems to me that you are making this a great deal more difficult than is necessary. If you don't want to label yourself, then don't. There are plenty of people out there who do not. If you think you need a label to feel secure right now, then use one. See how easy it is? As far as the sexual confusion goes, you can now lay it to rest. You like boys. You like girls. You may like boys more, and that's just fine. It may change as you change, and that's just fine as well. Just because you do not like both sexes equally doesn't mean that the title "bisexual" doesn't cover you.

It can be a bit unsettling at first, but you just have to learn to accept it. And remember, any decision you make right now is not set in stone. Try it all out. See how it feels to lump yourself into the "bisexual" group. See how it feels to be label-free.

Good luck.

I'm not a lump.

Posts: 7 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7365

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I agree. You should just be yourself. People used to ask me all the time if my best friend was gay, and I'd jut tell them that he was just himself. It's the same thing for me. If I had to have a label, it would be bi, but really, I'm just me.
Posts: 88 | From: Hixson, TN, US | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6370

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Hey BuddhistDreamer...I know exactly what you're talking about. The word "bisexual" has so many connotations that take a while to explain when sometimes you just don't have the time...Generally, I agree with the rest of the responses in that you really are just "you" and also that sexuality is fluid...but the word I like to use, when necessary, is "queer". Some of my straight friends even use it occasionally.


Posts: 41 | From: Chicago | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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