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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » one hand on the closet doorknob

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Author Topic: one hand on the closet doorknob
Member # 7865

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Hey everybody...this is my first time posting on here.

Anyway, I need some advice or empathy or something. I'm feeling more and more ready to tell my best friend that I'm gay. But just when I think I'm ready, I get really scared. A couple of weeks ago we were talking about gayness (is that a word? I'm not sure) in general, and I asked her if she would want to stop being friends with someone if they told her that they were gay. (God, I'm so unobvious, aren't I?) She said right off, "No, I don't think so." Then she thought about it for a couple of seconds and said, "No! That would be a stupid reason to stop being friends with somebody." So part of me thinks that it'd be okay if I told her. But the other part of me is really, really scared that things will get awkward between us. Like she won't want to sit near me or sleep next to me at a sleepover. I can reason out to myself that if she can't accept my being gay, then she's not really my friend anyway, and that our friendship isn't worth anything if it's based on me being someone I'm not. But the idea of her not wanting to be friends with me is so horrible. So I've been pitting honesty and awkwardness against lying and friendship in my head, and, well, here I am -- my subject line pretty much sums it up.

I guess what I'm trying to ask here is, for you people who are out, how did your friends -- especially your same-sex friends -- react? Were they okay with it, or were things awkward? Were they uncomfortable around you? Even if things were bad in the beginning, did they get better? What's the best way to come out? Was it worth it?

Anyway, thanks for reading this. I would reeaally appreciate any responses or advice -- either posted here or my e-mail address is --edited--

Thanks again, everybody.


(Just a note on e-mail addresses. We generally discourage posting e-mail addresses and contact information so that any discussion can be continued here at the boards, so it's bennificial to all. )

[This message has been edited by Dude_who_writes (edited 04-18-2002).]

Posts: 6 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7347

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Psst, not supposed to put up your e-mail adress There's lots of threads on this I'm sure, if you do a little search. But since we just don't get that many posts in here compared to other forums, I think it'll be okay.

Short answer, your best friend sounds cool and I don't think anything will change. I'm out to just about everyone. Actually, I'd say if anyone at my school knows me or who I am then they know I'm bi, and so does my immediate family. I still hug all my girlie friends, the straight ones and the queer ones. I still sleep over at their houses and hang out with them. I've even hit on a few of them when I was a bit inebriated and now it's just something we joke about. My very straight friends don't have problems leaning against me or putting their heads in my lap or doing anything that we would normally do.

My PE class knows and no one goes to extreme lengths to cover themselves up because they know I'm not looking. In other words: I'm treated like your every day teenage girl who (used) to dress very weird.

Well, lol, for me coming out to knew friends has never been a problem. Everyone I hung out with was very gossipy and I had an online journal that everyone was free to read. But, at first, before all that I'd just tell them that I had a crush on Jessica (a girl, obviously). And at first it was "Jessica??" and I'd say "yeah, Jessica" and they said "do you still have that crush on Joe?" And I'd say "yup" and they'd say "cool, does she like you?" and I'd *shrug*.

It was really easy for me because I was hanging out with the theater/artist kids, where it wasn't unusual for guys to wear skirts or same-sex kissing or anythign like that. I guess I was really lucky in that sense. If I had been with my former friends...I'm sure it would have been harder to do.

It was totally worth it. First of all, it was cool because I've had people come up to me being like "y'know, I was afraid to tell people that I liked boys/girls, but then I was like, if they can accept Brittany I know they'll accept me". In classes I'd be talking about a girl crush, and then I'd have other people talking about same sex crushes to me, and it was really cool to know that my little thang had helped people. And it's so much easier to get a girlfriend when people know you like girls

Besides a little bit of harrassing phone calls...I've been pretty much accepted. Once in a crowded loud english classroom, before they bell rang, I was having a yelling conversation with a friend on the other side of the room. I don't remember the context, but I ended up saying (well, yelling) "but I like to have sex with girls too!" It got a little bit quieter, and a girl was like "You like girls?" and I was like "yeah, so" expecting a confrontation or something. But she was just like "oh, I never knew". And that was that. And everyone went back to their conversations, and I smiled.

Posts: 103 | From: Las Vegas, NV | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7865

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Oops, sorry about the e-mail thing -- I didn't know.
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Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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All is forgiven.

My name is Jill, I'll be your tour guide today. First, check out the Guidelines, they'll explain ST policy in a bit more detail. New to Scarleteen? is another exhibit that will give you a feel for the place.

On to your question. At the main site we have an entire section called Gaydar that is devoted to queer. One of its most prominent attractions is an article on coming out: Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out (Or, How to Come Out of the Closet Without Tripping Over the Laundry)

Coming up on your left we have the Orientation and Identity FAQ. It is home to these threads that may be help answer your question:

Coming out ~

Coming out (school) ~

Thank you for coming and please enjoy your visit at Scarleteen.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7882

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I'm out to just a few of my friends so far (I'm bi), but the female ones I've told (I'm female, by the way) have had very good reactions. One responded with "So?" and the other, something like "Oh, okay. No biggie."

If your friend is as cool as she sounds, she probably won't have a problem with it. My friendships haven't changed at all since I came out. No awkwardness to speak of. Good luck! :)

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Member # 7369

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I'm glad to hear that ur friend is so cool. I've only come out to 1 friend so far but she was cool about it. It was like:
"Uh, JC?"
"I've got, um, something to tell you."
"What, Irene?"
"I-I'm a lesbian."
"OK." and then we just went on with the convo. Don't worry abut suffering relationships. As long as you don't consciously hit on her without her consent (not that you will), that's probably not gonna happen.

"Never doubt that a small
group of committed
citizens can change the
world. In fact, it's the
only thing that ever

Posts: 34 | From: Baltimore,MD,21214 | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7865

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Hey everybody...well, I told my friend today. It went really, really well. She was really, really cool with it -- thanked me for telling her, reassured me she wouldn't tell anybody, and laughed at me when I said I had been worried that she wouldn't want to be friends w/me anymore. I am just so happy she knows now. Thanks all so much for the help and support.
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Member # 168

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Congratulations! Yay for supportive friends

Limes Are Sublime

Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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