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Author Topic: Are you Gay enough?
Member # 7389

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Has anyone else here run into this problem? For some reason, I get a lot of dissing from some people who are gay/lesbian identified for being bi.... like I should commit to one or the other.

One of my lesbian friends said that because she tends towards a "femme" look, people expect her to only go for "butch" girls and trat her weird when she doesn't.

When I came out as being bi, I expected a lot of problems w/ some people, but certainly not within the GLBT community... is this normal or just something weird around here?

"This computer makes me all frowny with pure nougat-filled hatred!"
-Jhonen Vasquez

Posts: 13 | From: Boulder, CO | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5538

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I haven't seen you around here, so welcome to the boards

As for your post...I am bi and there is a bit of bi-phobia as such around. Mainly because bisexuals are seen as promiscuos and greedy.

I really think you should check out, a sister site of this one. There are so many topics about image, bisexuality, and prejudices. You could start this topic there as well. Everyone's great and it's a brilliant place to discuss this kind of thing. Here's great as well . I just know I've seen similar stuff over there.

[just fixing the link - oo]

'I don't mind straight people, as long as they act gay in public.'-Dennis Rodman, well know basketball player and cross-dresser

'I disagree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.'-Voltaire, French philosopher

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 04-18-2002).]

Posts: 86 | From: South Africa | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5640

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In the past, I've gotten a lot of flack from my dear friend who, as I like to say it, happens to be gay. He's determined that because I define as bisexual, I'm an indecisve person.

"That's not true," I like to respond, "I'm just selfish."

Truthfully, there is no formula to being queer. Everyone is different. (That should be my mantra...). When someone gives me flack about being bi and tries to tell me that I'm indecisive or selfish, I simply ignore their narrowmindedness. Mainly because the sad truth is that descrimination comes from all corners, even from minorities that you'd suspect would be the most accepting of all. Especially after the descrimination and anti-acceptance they've faced.

Definantly do a check out the articles that the Hotbuttered pointed out.

Scarleteen Advocate

"Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the faces you people make mid-coitus." -- Metatron (Dogma)

Posts: 712 | From: Michigan, US | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7347

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Oh yes, I know the feeling. I'm bi, I'm femme. And I hate the preconceptions that come with that. The queer people think that I'm just one of those girls who says she's bi but will only kiss a girl with lots of alchohol in my system, and they don't like me for that (which I understand, I think if you have to get drunk to do something, it's not something you really want to do. And I know there are so many girls who kiss other girls at parties just to get attention from guys, and it bothers me...).

I wish I could have a few minutes to just sit them down and tell them "it's not so much that I like one sex over the other, or that I like both sexes, it's just that someone's genitals aren't going to determine whether or not I like them. But, attention spans are short, so I only have the few precious seconds to utter "I like boys, but I like girls too".

It bugs me. Queer is queer, straight is straight, unless you're attracted to someone then it shouldn't even be an issue what they are. *sighs*

Posts: 103 | From: Las Vegas, NV | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
la jaunty bohemian
Member # 5735

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Just wanted to add...

I strongly identify as a dyke. But I also, sometimes, feel not gay enough. Just like I often feel I'm not feminist enough. It seems like there's so much tied up in a gay identity- it's not just who you sleep with, but what causes you believe in, what political party you support, what code of ethics you follow, how you should dress or behave.

And I know that most of that is a bunch of crap. Queer folk and feminists come in all possible variations. But I often also feel the pressure to be an activist and a crusader, and there are days when I just don't feel up to the job.

Anyone else feel that pressure to fight against The System every day?

"You're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view" -Obi Wan Kenobi, Return of the Jedi

Posts: 105 | From: Baltimore, MD, USA | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5317

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I prefer to remain utterly oblivious to pressure. I think it's absolutely hilarious to go around attracting odd looks from people for wearing my hair in pigtails, but otherwise presenting as male.

OTOH, I am aware that the rest of the world prefers to view femininity or queerness or dominance as a personality trait rather than a mood, because it cuts down on the thinking required to interact with that person on a given day...

And by "queerness", I mean that people prefer someone to be either all gay or all straight, and never even a little bi, because that confuses their nice little worldview.

Sapphire Cat
Looks won't tell who's living inside.
Artist, poet, programmer, dreamer, and crossdressing bondage kitty

[This message has been edited by sapphirecat (edited 04-18-2002).]

Posts: 235 | From: Louisville KY (St. Matthews) | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 168

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No one has ever said anything mean to me about being bi, but I've certainly had the perception that people thought less of me because of it.

Back when I was 13, and came out as a lesbian, I thought that people (especially older lesbians) wouldn't take me seriously unless I had short hair. Really. So I got the worst haircut of my life, and was miserable, all in the name of looking like a Proper Lesbian. It didn't work out, I figured out that I was bi anyway, and a femmey bi girl at that.

Limes Are Sublime

Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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