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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » How do you KNOW??

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Author Topic: How do you KNOW??
whonos
Neophyte
Member # 7672

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Lately i've gotten extremely worried... I have made out with quite a few girls before. The problem is that i'm a guy, and i've never gotten aroused or hard from this. The only way a gril can get me aroused it to PHYSICALLY touch my sensitive area... Most of my friends can get aroused by just by thinking of it. I do have a crush on a girl right now, I really like her a lot, but it's more emotional then sexual. Maybe it's just a really good friendship? I have never gotten aroused by porno either.

I DO however like the women's body, I know if I like a girl and I know if I think she's hot, I guess I could say the same of a guy to, but i've never had a crush on a guy before...EVER, but i've also never let myself. And incase you're wondering, i'm turning 15 in a few weeks, and i'm fully developed sexually (the physical part)..

So now comes my BIG question - one that will really help me out. Do GAY(not bi) people have a sexual attraction towards the opposite sex... and could they if they wanted to have sex with the opposite sex? If they can then i'm just a screwed up person, and if they can't, well then...

Please help, this has been REALLY bothering me lately, i've been pressured towards doing things with girls and shyed away or made up excuses as to why I can't, so I could avoid the embarressment.

[This message has been edited by whonos (edited 04-04-2002).]


Posts: 3 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
shimmers n' such
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Hey

Whoa, major point to be made: never do anything you aren't comfy with!!! If you aren't ready or just plain don't want to make out with a girl, then dont
Guys and their arousal vary in many ways. Some may get turned on by kissing, while some get turned on by just thinking about females (or the object of their desire), both are entirely normal. This crush you have, relationships aren't always sexual, you can have a very intimate, loving relationship with someone and it can be entirely emotional.
Hehehe, and I don't blame you for liking a woman's body We women are gorgeous creatures, if I do say so myself :P
Homosexual people certainly can be attracted to the opposite sex, although (correct me if i'm wrong) it's on a different level, such as emotional, or mental. Many loving relationships can occur between a gay person and another person of the opposite sex. As for your other question, yes, gay people can have intercourse with the opposite sex, there is no physical "oops, sorry, you're the wrong orientation" blockade or whatnot :P
You're going through a hectic time in your life, adolescence can sure sucks, eh?? But hang in there, things will clear up fer ya soon. Just give yourself some time, and do things at your own pace and for your own reasons.

Also, check this out, it's full of useful info on arousal and such [URL=http://www.scarleteen.com/sexuality/response.html]

[This message has been edited by shimmers n' such (edited 04-04-2002).]

[This message has been edited by shimmers n' such (edited 04-04-2002).]


Posts: 33 | From: Ice Castle, Canada | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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Straight from the Orientation and Identity FAQ:

Am I GLBT? ~ http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum16/HTML/000167.html http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum16/HTML/000198.html http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum16/HTML/000247.html

However, anyone who pressures you into doing anything that you do not wish to do or are not ready to do is not someone who has your best interests in mind. You have the right to do things at your own pace and no one else's.

Be sure to check out:
New to Scarleteen
Ready or Not?

[Oops, didn't refresh before posting. shimmers n' such has some very good points.]

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 04-04-2002).]


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
whonos
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Thanks a lot for your help.

I was always under the impression that gay people could only have sex with the same sex, and that it was impossible to have sex with the opposite sex - even if desired. That leads me to ask why are gay people gay? Do they have a sexual atrraction for(as in they get aroused from) the same sex, or do they just mentally prefer the same sex? If they have a sexual attraction towards the same sex, how can they have sex with the opposite sex?? I'm a little confused if you can't tell

Also, 'I' was the one who wanted to do stuf with the girl, so I wasn't really pressured into it. I guess I was experimenting, and that's how I figured out somehting was wrong.

[This message has been edited by whonos (edited 04-09-2002).]


Posts: 3 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dude_who_writes
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Ah, whonos, you've wandered (unintended) into a gray area -- sexual attraction is different for everyone.

There really is no said formula for how sexual attraction works for people. Some are utterly repulsed by the opposite sex, others are equally attracted to both, and even some have a strong tendency for one sex, but a minor tendency for another. It just depends on their own desires, I suppose. The late, great Alfred Kinsey came up with a scale 0-6 that tries to determine what gender people are attracted to and in what levels. The poles of the scale -- 0 (hetrosexual) and 6 (homosexual) are where those people who are exclusively oriented fall.

From my understanding, very few people fall at these poles. Most are either equal (3) or with a predominace towards one sex, with some leanings to the other.

The fact of the matter is, that anyone can be attracted to anyone else, and if the attraction is at a enough of a heightened level, then they can have sex with that person. But, as I stated, it's different for everyone in the way that their own attractions and preferences work with their sexual orientation.

Well, that was a little long-winded, but, I hope that somewhere in the muddled wording, you find what you want.

------------------
Tim

"Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the faces you people make mid-coitus." -- Metatron (Dogma)


Posts: 712 | From: Michigan, US | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
whonos
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Yup that helps a little bit. But is it possible to not be at either of those poles, or in the middle? Not sexually attracted to people at all?? Only emotionally? I know i'm capable of having a crush, and I know i'm able to fall in love with someone.. but it's never sexual! I'm never going to be able to keep a girlfriend if I can't please her sexually.

I have told one person about this.. it was a girl, and she said just have dry sex with a girl you like and they'll never know, it'll get you hard, - the only other way is to get myself drunk, cause then I can get hard to. So then maybe this is all just psychological?

From what I understand (if I understood what was written correctly) gay people can only have an emotional relationship with women. That's all I can have too...


Posts: 3 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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Check out the Kinsey Scale, I think you'll find it helpful.

There is much more to a relationship than sex. Also, what females enjoy sexually varies from individual to individual. Don't let it bother you; simply deal with it as it comes up with lots of honesty and communication.

Also, every defines gay differently and everyone defines love differently. Thus, you're going to find that there are many variations on what those that identify as gay can and cannot love.

Sallynha has an interesting post about different types of love in this thread.

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 04-18-2002).]


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Laura
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Whonos, whoever told you that you can't keep a girlfriend without pleasing her sexually was flat-out wrong. Especially since you're only 15. Heck, when I was 15, most of my (mostly female) friends either had no interest in sex (of any kind) or felt they weren't ready. A lot of them still felt the same way when I was 18. *I* still felt the same way when I was 23.

Two points to be made here. First, your feelings at age 15 don't necessarily have anything to do with your feelings later in life. Some people have a full understanding of their sexuality and sexual orientation at age 15, but many (most?) do not. Believe me, you are not alone in being confused about your sexuality at your age. Not by a long shot. Even if you're done developing physically, emotional development can take a lot longer. Chances are very good that your feelings will work themselves out in the next couple of years, so give yourself that time.

Second, there are plenty of people, of all ages, who have little or no interest in having sex, for whatever reason. (Do a web search for "celibacy" - even neglecting the religious sites, there's still a lot left.) Just because magazines and TV say that "everybody's doing it" doesn't mean they are. And the people who aren't "doing it" aren't any more screwed up than anybody else.

So, relax. Try your best to just enjoy your crushes, friendships, and emotional attractions for what they are, without worrying about what it means for you in the grand scheme of things. The grand scheme of things will take care of itself. (I know that's easier said than done, but nobody said being a teenager was easy...)

------------------
"My life is really dull, so I like to make stuff up." - Richard Shindell


Posts: 107 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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