Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » School

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: School
Pumpkin_Pie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5822

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pumpkin_Pie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm sort of well, falling out of the closet in school. I don't mean to be so gay, but apparrently half the class know about me, and well, a lot of them are making sure I know what they think of it. Innuendo is rife, especially about my P.E. teacher(I think a lot of people here know my position on her), and when I enter the class when people are getting changed for P.E., its like Moses parting the red Sea. And there's huge rumours about me around the class, including on about how I sexually harassed an ex-friend of mine. I'd get the link to the thread about that but I honestly can't even remember where it is and well, a lot of the class seems to hate me. Our class is going on an outdoor pursuits trip away for a few dats and myself and my best friend couldn't get anyone to share with us because of it. I do have friends, some very very good friends, but sometimes, it just gets me down, and I just hate that the last few years of working so hard to be accepted and be "normal" are just sliding down the drain. I don't know what I want to ask, I jsut need someone to listen and be there. And I know from experience that I'lll get a friendly ear here. So, there ya go.
Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

Icon 1 posted      Profile for -Jill     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know where you're coming from Slayer. I'm more out at work this season than I've ever been before and it's really caused the rumors to fly.

Sometimes I'm really frustrated by the situation but most of the time I can realize that the rumors don't matter. The people who care about me (best case scenario) won't believe a word of the bullshit or (worst case scenario) will believe it but won't let it come between us. Thus far that's been true in all cases.

Something else I have to deal with are the endless questions. To my knowledge, I'm the only nonhetersexual person there, (certainly the only one admitting it anyway), so I'm asked anything and everything, oftentimes with little regard to what I could possibly know or my privacy. With the people I care about I do my best to answer honestly but people who are interested in me solely for my sexuality seldom receive any sort of response.

Good luck dear. I'll post again if I have anything more helpful than commiseration to offer.

------------------
There is a time and a place for everything.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
HeatherRocksMyBobbySocks
Activist
Member # 7347

Icon 1 posted      Profile for HeatherRocksMyBobbySocks     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have to say, it's hard for me to relate. The most flack I've gotten for being queer is from....my family. My supposedly open-minded democratic parents are quite...well, having a hard time with this. My dad says "you'd think it's easy, no big deal, and then your daughter tells you that she likes girls and you see how hard it is" (although he never says why it's hard). My mom at first ignored it, then denied it, and now says it often outloud, trying to make it part of daily conversation, as if it will help her be more accepting. My brother has never acknowledged it, ever.

As far as I know, my extended family doesn't know. Tonight at dinner my aunt jokingly asked if I had a girlfriend, and my uncle was like "the most important thing in life to remember that boys like girls and girls like boys. Stay away from lesbians! And gay people too!"

At school...I didn't face so much trouble, I really didn't. I got some harassing phone calls. I got a little bit of negative attitudes at school, but not really. I hang out with the theatre kids, and a good amount of my good friends are gay. Most of the guys I talk to are, a few of the girls I talk to are lesbias (although I have necked with three of my 'straight' friends, so take that as you will). In the theatre room it is not uncommon to see girls hugging girls or boys hugging girls. We're awfully affectionate too

In the general school population I mostly get "it's not that I'm against gay people or anythign, I mean, I'm not, but I heard that you like girls, and I don't care, I'm just wondering if it's true...." People really stumble over words and ramble when they're trying to pry without offending I tell them yeah. And they mostly say okay.

After I once yelled across the room to a friend in English "but I like to have sex with girls too!" the girl sitting next to me went "you like...girls?" I nodded. For a few days she didn't talk to me. Then on a field trip a group of us were eating lunch together and she finally asked me about it...do you like boys too? yeah. Oh, okay.

I just have really great friends. Girls don't have problems hugging me or changing in front of me. I can give pecks on the cheek or forehead without them freaking out. I can walk around the school holding hands with a girl or an arm around a girl and no one yells anything at us or throws anything.

So I guess I've just had it very very lucky. And I suppose I'm just sharing this with you to let you know that the whole world isn't like that. In a lot of places it's okay to like the same sex.

I hope stuff gets better for you babe Just hang in there.

And, as for general high school stuff. I used to work hard at being normal, with the right clothes and the right friends (well, actually, this was in middle school. In high school I found myself). And then I wore fairie wings to school and realized that I'd never be normal enough for most people, so screw 'em. I must say I'm ten times happier. I have much cooler friends, and my wardrobe is a lot cooler and cost me a lot less. Sometimes I wish I could do things that normal girls do. Like go to prom in a big group of friends (hardly anyone I know is going to prom), or go to a football game (none of my friends are into it), or try out to be a cheerleader (which I think would be fun, but the cheerleaders don't like me because of past stuff).

But I understand the Rocky Horror Picture Show more than I'll ever understand football, so I suppose it's better this way.

So, all this rambling was supposed to add up to keep smiling and keep huggling all your friends.

[This message has been edited by HeatherRocksMyBobbySocks (edited 03-18-2002).]


Posts: 103 | From: Las Vegas, NV | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ice_magick
Neophyte
Member # 7369

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ice_magick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
School...yeucch!!!

My school is SO full of homophobic a-holes. I have a rainbow button on my bag and another that says 'I support Gay and Lesbian Rights.' I lost one best friend and one boyfriend and I've also been slammed into the ground in my time...twice. In 7th grade PE was a mandatory course (uuggh...) and we had to change in the locker room. You can imagine the bull that was floating around...oh well, 2 months and 25 days until high school!


Posts: 34 | From: Baltimore,MD,21214 | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Viva_La_Vie_Boheme
Neophyte
Member # 7398

Icon 8 posted      Profile for Viva_La_Vie_Boheme     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh, I know a school that I tried out for, but didn't get in, that's is almost exactly/possibly is your school. I so wanted to get in there because of what I say in an orientation at the school I now have to go to. I just know that if I come out of the closet any time soon to anyone except you guys and some of my freinds in other countries, I would get hell for sure. My appearance doesn't neccesarily help my case, and...ERGH! I swear if I weren't wiccan soooo many heads would roll at school.....GRRR!

------------------
"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be, and if you give a **** take me baby, or leave me."~Jo-Ann and Maureen from the broadway production "Rent"


Posts: 8 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Viva_La_Vie_Boheme
Neophyte
Member # 7398

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Viva_La_Vie_Boheme     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ugh! Pardon my poor spelling and grammer. I'm usually on top of that. It was what I SAW at orientation and "is" is not supposed to be after that's. Sorry folks.
Posts: 8 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

Icon 7 posted      Profile for -Jill     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Viva_La_Vie_Boheme: No worries, you can edit your posts and fix such problems. Instructions for doing so can be found at New to Scarleteen?

------------------
There is a time and a place for everything.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pumpkin_Pie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5822

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pumpkin_Pie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sometimes they just make me want to die. And they're isolating and ostracising my best friend too. And I just wish it would end, I just seem to cause endless amounts of pain and I can't take it anymore. U know?
Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

Icon 1 posted      Profile for -Jill     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Slayer I don't think it's you that's causing the pain here; I think it's intolerant and bigoted attitudes.

Unfortunately, there really isn't anything you can do to change people unless they *want* to change. However, you can take steps to protect yourself and your friends - both physically and emotionally:

Make a list (a mental list will do just fine, writing this down may lead to further troubles) of the people that treat you disrespectfully, make you uncomfortable, etc. and share that list with your friends. Encourage them to do the same if you're worried about them. The purpose behind this list is to give you a support system when you're near this person. For example, if someone on your friends list were approaching her/him you would also join your friend. It's so much easier to deal with if you know you have a friend right next to you. Also, that show of solidarity may just cause that person to reconsider whatever form of hostile bigotry that was about to leave her/his mouth. Safety in numbers and all. I know I've found this amazingly reassuring at work.

Let me know if that got confusing and I'll try to do better.

------------------
There is a time and a place for everything.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pumpkin_Pie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5822

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pumpkin_Pie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'll take that advice ookutoe(I think I spelled that right) but I've jsut had another major crisis. I went on an adventure trip with my school and I was staying with my best friend and three others. Well, one of the girls in my class that cause me hassle asked a girl I was staying with was I and my friend lesbians together. Welll, obviously the girl said no, because well, me and my best friend aren't going out and I'm not out to that girl. But the other girls accused her of being a liar and said they had walked in and seen us kissing. Its not true. And now they're going to tell the whole class. I can't go through this bullying crap again. I can't. And the one teacher I thought I'd be able to talk to about it if I had trouble is leaving at the end of the year(my P.E. teacher!)
Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Doplegager
Neophyte
Member # 7458

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Doplegager     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sorry to hear about the troubles Slayer. Reminds me of my days in middle school, attending *ahem* Pleasent/Pervert Valley. Indeed, two years after I moved on to highschool, I heard that my name was still whispered on occasion. I shall be forever known as "the girl in the boys locker room". But I learned a lot in those years. For example, I got to tickle the slimy belly of the rumor mill. At one point, it was decided that my mother was a prostitute. The cause? I couldn't remember my mother's income off the top of my head...

So, yeah. Every day during lunch I would be surrounded by 5-15 students with questions and bigotry to share. I got to where I felt very uncomfortable. So, I did some searching. One after one, I told a person in higher authority about it. Eventually, I found someone with enough authority and willpower to do something.

One day, after I left the group, the vice principal 'ambushed' them and gave them a nice long talk. The rest of the year went better... I had protection from a high place, and people knew it.

Moral? Safety in numbers is a good way to go, but if the problem bugs you enough, it can be good to find administrators. If the teacher you can talk to it about leaves, I'd recommend trying to find another. If that doesn't work, go higher up the chain. If the administration doesn't work, make a friend in the media . Somewhere along the line you're bound to find someone to help, even if it's only to save their own image.

------------------
"He was perfect, if you looked past all of his flaws."


Posts: 22 | From: Wichita, KS | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Doplegager
Neophyte
Member # 7458

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Doplegager     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Heh... that last reply seems long enough as it is, so I'll just put what I forgot here; if you do seek help, be prepared for he-said she-said. In my experience, that was the biggest problem. But if you start gathering 'evidence', you would have a chance to get around that. Y'know, keeping a log of what happens on a daily basis, keeping bigoted notes in a safe place that are passed around, etc. It can be quite a battle...

------------------
"He was perfect, if you looked past all of his flaws."


Posts: 22 | From: Wichita, KS | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TenohSetsuna
Activist
Member # 6092

Icon 1 posted      Profile for TenohSetsuna     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Go to your counselor. Now. I'm dead serious. All these kids were ganging up on me and my friends, messing with us (it's a long story which would take a really long time to relate, and you'd get bored, so I won't bother), and I got my dad to write a note to the counselor. She called me and my friend in and made us explain everything that was happening. She's really mad and is going to take action and all that jazz.

My point is that there's got to be someone at your school who actually gives a half-eaten moldy cracker. A counselor's job is to care (and hopefully they're good at their job), so I suppose that's the best place to start. Good luck.

------------------
I don't want eternity. But Arashii is mine.

"I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon

[This message has been edited by TenohSetsuna (edited 03-23-2002).]


Posts: 102 | From: SoCal | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pumpkin_Pie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5822

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pumpkin_Pie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Our councellor is seriously unapproachable. She's kinda old, but apparently she's gay(yet another rumour) but I just couldn't talk to her about it. If I am going to talk to someone, it'll be my P.E. teacher before she goes, or my Home Ec teacher. My P.e. teacher is gay, well, I strongly suspect it from observations etc and she's totally cool and approachable as well. So, wither of those two would be great. I jsut want to keep it away from authority because its a Catholic school, one that I would love to get a jon in when I'm a teacher, and they'd be very hesitant in hiring an openly gay person.
Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pumpkin_Pie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5822

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pumpkin_Pie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh, do you guys want to know what I found out recently? Thr rumour abou tme being gay was started by none other than my former friend who also accused me of sexually harrasssing another friend. Well, one daythis wonderful, ahem, person was sitting down woth the rest of my class when I was probably away working my ass off trying to get things organised for the school play for THEM and she decides to ask everyone:

"So, did ye hear about Rebecca?"

And they obviously said:

"Uh, no!"

And she said:

"Well, she told me she's a lesbian!!!"

So they all believed her and she also apparently told everyone something really perverted and disgusting that noone actually believes because its so bad. And remember I said girls had said they had walked in on me and my friend kissing? Well, actually they;ve now changed it to humoing. Thank you very much the Jennifers!!!!!


Oh my God I'm going to kill someone. Can you believe that the girls who are spreading the rumours about me and my friend "humping" actually asked me the other day was I ok because I had a bit of a nervous breakdown and a panic attack and they came over to me, because they think I don't know. Can you believe the hypocrisy!!!!!

I swear to that stupid a**h**e God that I am going to go completely mental. I keep having these panic attacks and I'm crying for no reason. I'm staying in my room as much as I possibly can and all I think about is hurting myself!!! I just want to talk to someone who can help. My mams solution is change school, anything but face up to the problem(what would the school think if they found out about you?), my best friend is going insane because she came out to her mam and dad as bi and they really did not take it well and now she's convinced they don't love her. I'm trying to help her and I'm trying to not hang myself and I just want my P.E. teacher, the only adult I trust to just see how unhappy I am and talk to me!! This website is the only place I can go to talk!!! The adults on this website are the only adults that I've talked to about what happened with that girl that accused me of sexual harrassment, the only adults I've told about how I want to kill myself so much, I just want an older person to put their arms around me and tell me everything will be ok. Is that too much to ask?

[This message has been edited by Slayer_gurl (edited 04-18-2002).]


Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

Icon 1 posted      Profile for -Jill     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well sweetie I'm not much older than you, if at all, and brackets aren't exactly arms but [[[huge hug]]] anyway.

First, let's talk about hurting yourself. Obviously you know this is a bad idea so I'll spare the lecture. I will encourage you to head right on over to Support Groups and find the most appropriate thread - either post in it yourself, read through it and see if you can't find some good advice, or both.

Now, why don't you want to change schools? Really, getting yourself out of what sounds like a very bad situation seems like a Good Thing to me. I understand where you're coming from when you say that it's not solving the problem but I think that your personal safety and mental health are more important than anything else. I know it's a big change but you deserve to be around people who will treat you with respect. You deserve to be happy and safe instead of miserable and threatened. At least give it some thought, maybe make a list of pros and cons?

[one more hug]


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pumpkin_Pie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5822

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pumpkin_Pie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I can't change school, because its just a few people causing problems and there are so many good people there you know? So many people don't hate me and some ever look up to me(like the first years that I coach in Basketball) and I love my teachers and its a good school education wise. And I'm not running away so that the people I'm trying to protect(my best friend and another girl) end up getttin ghurt. That would just be, wrong you know?
Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pumpkin_Pie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5822

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pumpkin_Pie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ooooohh I have to ask u something. Is murder always a crime?
Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3