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Sh!mmeR!ng*staR
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...that i'm a lesbian if I'm scared to kiss or have sex with a guy but have no problem doing either with girls? i'm so confused. it's like... just the idea of a guy sticking his tongue in my mouth is enough to make me bite my nails in nervousness. It's not that I wouldn't want to, it's just.. scary.

what does this mean and what can I do about it??

------------------
Prosperity that
the golden Muses
gave me was no
delusion: dead, I
won't be forgotten
-Sappho


Posts: 97 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
la jaunty bohemian
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Well... maybe?

I think "lesbian" means different things to different people. To me, it means that I want to be in a relationship with a woman instead of a man and that I'm primarily attracted to women, but it doesn't mean I'm not at all attracted to boys.

Identity, choosing to label yourself a lesbian, is something that is totally self-defined. So, if you want to be a lesbian who also likes boys, that's alright. If you want to be a lesbian-identified bisexual, that's cool. If you want to say you're straight up bi, but you have more experience with girls, that's rockin' as well.

Just for your own experience, you might want to think about why the idea of being sexual with a guy scares you. Is it something like the feeling of stubble, or more like the possible power imbalance? The pregnancy risk? Just not knowing what it's like and if it's different?

Knowing what about "boys" in general or a "boy" in specific scares you will probably help you figure out how you want to identify yourself. And, identifying what about "boys" scares you might help you clarify what you want in a sexual partner, no matter their gender.

That'd be my suggestion. Good luck!

[btw- I put boys in quotes because I'm kind of sensitive to my own sexism lately... Not all boys are stereotypical "boys".. Gah! Essentialism vs. Social Construction! Gah!]


Posts: 105 | From: Baltimore, MD, USA | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
$uMMeR
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I don't think it means you're gay, if you have no problem with the idea of kissing girls but a huge one with kissing guys. It sounds like you could be more attracted to girls than guys, and if this is the case, than I suppose you could be. That really is something you have to decide for yourself - no-one can actually tell you.

But do you have a problem with the idea of you being gay? I want you to answer that question for me first before we talk about what you can "do about it", and then tell me why you think that is - be honest. We're here to help you as much as we possibly can.

------------------
"Ah, what can ail thee, wretched wight, / Alone and palely loitering"
-La Belle Dame Sans Merci, John Keats

"And for his mum he hired a private nurse. / And every Sunday taxied her to church. / And he blubbed when she went from bad to worse. / And twice he lifted ten quid from her purse. / Here's how they rated him when they looked back: / sometimes he did this, sometimes he did that."
-Poem, Simon Armitage

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster / And treat those two impostors just the same"
-If, Rudyard Kipling

PS. Should you ever come across these poems, I recommend you read them.

Dahlia


Posts: 194 | From: city of Anghelz | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sh!mmeR!ng*staR
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quote:
Originally posted by $uMMeR:
But do you have a problem with the idea of you being gay? I want you to answer that question for me first before we talk about what you can "do about it", and then tell me why you think that is - be honest. We're here to help you as much as we possibly can.

do i have a problem with me being gay?? well... I do a little i guess, just because it's so different than what i previously identified as, plus it'd cut my chances for love in half. but i could deal with it.. it's not as bad as being asexual at least so what do i do?

------------------
Prosperity that
the golden Muses
gave me was no
delusion: dead, I
won't be forgotten
-Sappho


Posts: 97 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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