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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » im sooo scared

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Author Topic: im sooo scared
Member # 5931

Icon 9 posted      Profile for lisa01     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i need lots of help, im 18 and never had a boyfriend and think i may be gay. i find men attractive and sometimes have crushes on them but i only find women attractive on the tv, whats up with this? (i dont feel attractive to any of my friends)im really scared cause i dont want to be gay. im sooo scared, sometimes i cry myself to sleep worrying about this. (im crying now) i frightened that i wont have my hopes and dreams, like getting married and having lots of children, i want this so bad. i only get really stressed out when im by myself. i have my periods at the moment, could this have anything to do with it? PLEASE HELP THANKS
Posts: 77 | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6370

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Aww!! Please don't cry!!
You are allowed to be attracted to anyone who you, well, are attracted to. If that's a girl, then, it's a girl. If it's a boy, it's a boy. You're "only" 18 (me too), and like, this is a very tough time (for anyone, and offbeat attractions make it even harder), so just try to enjoy it. You (hopefully) aren't going to settle down and rush into the future, like, tomorrow, so just take everything one day at a time. Don't feel like you need to have a definite answer - I mean, don't stress over whether or not you are "gay" or "straight" or "bi" or whatever. You're just you. The people you're attracted to right now won't always be the same people that you're attracted to in 5 years, maybe even one year.
I know most people will say "and what's wrong with being gay?"...but from a more personal, less politically correct standpoint, I know exactly where you're coming from. Accepting it and BEING it are completely different things... Ehh, I'm rambling, but I hope I've helped you a bit.
Good luck to ya!


[This message has been edited by froggish (edited 01-09-2002).]

[This message has been edited by froggish (edited 01-09-2002).]

Posts: 41 | From: Chicago | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
Member # 384

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lady Moonlight     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You might find this article helpful in understanding definitions of bisexuality and homosexuality:

And Froggish has some great advice there. You are who you are. Gay people can, and do, form committed lifetime relationships, which many of them consider marriages even if the government doesn't. And many of them choose to raise children. You can be a happy person in a loving relationship regardless of sexual preference. Stressing won't help you, though. Besides, it's perfectly normal to find people of both sexes attractive, whether or not you choose sexual and romantic partners from one or the other, or both.

Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5460

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kythryne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
To follow up what's already been said, sexual orientation can take some time to sort out. And no matter what you end up identifying as, it's totally okay. A lot of people think that being queer automatically means being miserable and lonely and unable to have a family, but hon, there are an awful lot of straight people who are miserable and lonely and don't have families.

When I was in my teens, I felt *exactly* how you're feeling. I cried myself to sleep more times than I care to remember, and I was terrified that I'd never find anyone of any gender who'd care about me. And I swung wildly back and forth trying to figure out if I was straight, lesbian, or bi.

Eventually, I decided that bi was the label that fit me best, because for me, gender just isn't an issue when it comes to relationships. And these days, I'm very comfortable with who I am. And as for the marriage and family thing -- I'm now married to an incredible person, and we plan to have kids eventually.

Oh, and as for whether or not there could be a connection between how you're feeling and being in the middle of menstruation, yes, it's definitely possible. A lot of women get depressed just before and during their period.

And with all of that, I'm going to bounce this over to the Orientation and Identity forum, okay? It's better suited for that forum, and I think you'll get more replies there.


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"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6501

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Awwwww, sweetie, don't cry! I am going through something similar, so I may not be much help, but I will tell you a little about my situation. Now I am 25 years old, I have known for years that I like women a lot, but like you I was (and still am) scared of being a lesbian. I have received some real good advice here on this site, and I have decided after all these years of wondering what is wrong with me and hoping I am not a lesbian, it is time to just accept who I am. I do cry a lot, I think about it constantly, but I have realized that we have no control over who we fall in love with. There is nothing wrong with you or with the feeligs you are having, believe me, I know just how it feels, just go with the flow and see what happens. I have met a wonderful woman who has really opened my eyes and I see from listening to her that almost all of us (that are confused at some point) go through this. She actually went so far as to get married out of high school because she didn't want any one to know she was gay. My parents are now begining to ask, so when are you going to meet someone and get married and have some children?? It is scary to think about telling them I am gay and I cry abut that too, but in the end everything will be just fine. If you ever need to talk, e-mail me direct @ [Edited. Please do not post your e-mail address or other personal information for your own safety. This is against the guidelines you agreed to when you registered.] and good luck hun. And REMEMBER!! There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling!

[This message has been edited by PoetgirlNY (edited 01-12-2002).]

Posts: 7 | From: Bangor, Maine, USA | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6794

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ou2Lisha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i happen to think that periods have alot to do with it. i've been with guys and girls, and usually when i stared relationhips with girls was whei was on my period. also for some reason, i'm sometimes more attraced to girls when i'm gettin on my period too. but now i have a bf, and yeah i don't really thin kof *edit* like that. heh

[please watch your language]

[This message has been edited by PoetgirlNY (edited 01-30-2002).]

Posts: 9 | From: New York | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6092

Icon 1 posted      Profile for TenohSetsuna     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Are you trying to say that menustration is making lisa01 attracted to girls?

I don't want eternity. But Arashii is mine.

"I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon

Posts: 102 | From: SoCal | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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