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Alright, I was thinking today about how basically I've got two different lives in two different places. At school, I'm so hidden behind old shoes and ancient comic books in my closet that even if the entire school decides to take out all the shoe boxes I'm staying in there and never coming out(my school is one of the most homophobic places I've ever seen. It's truly sad). But at rowing--yes, in a boat, on water-- I've got a clear plastic door: if anyone asks, I won't lie, yet I don't ask the coxswain to announce it.
I've got this double life, which I classify like this: [real name]'s straight, whereas Haruka(that's my nickname, and what folks at rowing call me) is a lesbian with no rainbows. I was just wondering if anyone else has this situation. ---Haruka
------------------ ------------------------ "I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon
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I don't really have a double life but sometimes I wonder. In my opinion I'm fairly obvious about my sexuality but I rarely say the words "I'm bi," to anyone. Surprisingly often this results in my chatting about some sort of rights issue or how much I enjoyed the festival I went to this summer with someone who believes without a doubt that I'm straight. For awhile I just thought they had picked up on it but didn't give it a second thought - until (on more than one occasion) I heard someone assuring others that I had no interest in girls. It's way too funny.
Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001
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I think everyone's like that a bit. I know that with some friends I'm out and that's it; other's I'm a very open homosexual. I don't think there's a problem with this, although it could lead to a few sticky mental problems, eg: you forget which people know and which don't. I try to act the same around everyone, at least I hope so.
posted
Looking back, it seems like I just gradually went from leading a double life like you describe to having both worlds smoothly integrated for the most part. There are still some people with whom I don't talk about my sexual orientation, because it's either not relevant to the conversation or because it would be nothing short of idiotic to disclose it, but for the most part, it's just quietly a part of my life. I usually make no effort to either hide it or reveal it -- I just am.
That's what's comfortable for me, though. Some people just aren't comfortable being out at all, and others aren't comfortable unless they're out in the most obvious of ways. And it's taken time for me to get where I am -- time to become comfortable with the idea of being queer, time to get away from homophobic people and find people who are comfortable with me, time to learn to keep my head up and just keep walking when a scary-looking guy in a pickup truck hisses "freak!" at me and my partner when we're walking into the grocery store. (Yes, folks, I live in the deep south.)
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it can get better -- it just takes time and courage, but it's entirely possible to integrate both worlds if that's what you want.
Kyth
------------------ Kythryne Scarleteen Advocate
"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform." - Alfred Kinsey
Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001
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I'm registered with the Boy Scouts. As far as they (and anyone in my hometown except my mom) know, I'm straight as an arrow(tm) and otherwise normal.
Here at UB, I'm starting to get involved with the LGBTA. If word about that gets around, maybe I'd get kicked out (of the boy scouts) because nobody would bother to ask if I was actually gay.
Whatever happens, crossdressing is a deeper part of me than the boy scouts, so if they turn out to be mutually exclusive, I know which one will go.
------------------ Sapphire Cat You can love me or hate me, but it won't change who I am.
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Like quite a lot of people, I seem to have a double life online and in real life. There's no one whom I'm 'out' to in real life (because I've only just come out to myself), but online there are quite a few people or 'communities' that do know (and this one is my favourite!) Because I have my diary online, and some 'friends' online, this is where I can be the real me. That's very helpful when you come from a family like mine.
Posts: 394 | From: Manchester, Lancashire, England | Registered: Dec 2000
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For me, my online life seems to be slowly converging with elements to my real world life. The first person I know in real I came out to as bi through an instant messenger which just about epitomises it. Then there was a drunken discussion a week later (do not underestimate the power of alcohol to bring friends closer), in which one of my friends said he thought he was gay, and I said I was probably bi.
Naturally, the information is diffusing throughout the more liberally minded part of the school with some interesting variations on the truth! It seems to be be going quite well and I dont feel a need to force the point in any way. My parents would probably be ok with knowing about this but I dont feel a desire to tell them, especially since I am not even certain what I am yet!
------------------ 'An Anarchist is a Liberal with a bomb' Trotsky
Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000
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When it doesn't seem safe to tell, you usually shouldn't, and I think that's why so many teens are so much in the closet at school. My highschool was more tolerant than many, but I'd never have encouraged anyone to come out there. However, when you're in an environment where it's openly okay to be gay, it feels a lot better letting people know, and really, it's healthy to have some place where you don't feel like you have to hide. It's just too bad there aren't more of them.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000
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I'm basically with BjadeT. Totally open online, totally not otherwise. I'll dig my way out of my closet eventually. Just as soon as I gather up enough courage and find a map to the door.*starts searching*
Posts: 86 | From: South Africa | Registered: Oct 2001
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I'm also very open about my sexuality in online communities, whereas few people in my real life know. It's not that I'm scared to leave the coziness of the warm closet, it's just that I'm worried that if the army found out I won't be drafted. I don't really trust the fine establishments of my country since I found out that they don't want people who had sex with people of the same gender to donate blood. Online I can be anonymous enough to not have to worry about that sort of thing, and I also have great people to talk to about it.
------------------ Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
Posts: 25 | From: Israel | Registered: Nov 2001
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Buttercup...I've got a friend online, Nirut, who is basically in the exact same position. She's bi and she's going to the (Israeli) army soon (wants to be a pilot) but she knows that being anything but straight is looked down upon and one may even be discriminated on. She says she's just going to lay pretty low in that department. I suppose there's nothing else you can do.
Posts: 86 | From: South Africa | Registered: Oct 2001
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Tenoh: How do I put this? ... YES. At school, I try to avoid conversations - maybe because I give a little info about myself whenever I speak. I'm in 8th grade (Middle school), and I'm a guy, if anyone was wondering. I know that AT LEAST one of my closest friends is a homophobe. (He asked me if I was gay once. I hate having to lie, but sometimes you just have to... I might come out some time in high school.)
Posts: 3 | From: Canton, Michigan, USA | Registered: Jan 2002
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I don't mean to nitpick, but please don't call me Tenoh. It's TenohSetsuna, but no sweat. I've got a friend who's homophobic as well. Now, of course, I swear that he's queer, because my gaydar acts up when he gets within 10 yards(warning, warning: homophobe approaching. Warning, warning: he's gay. Warning, warning: computer is confused). Lying sucks. But high school.... Gee, that might end up being a good experience if I don't end up being forced to go to that Episcopalian school my parents are so keen on.
------------------ "I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon
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My double life is sort of a defense mechanism. I had a close friend of mine come out at the school that I attend, and the results were less than satisfactorily. While I'm thinking about it, I should also mention that another close friend of mine, who happens to be female, also came out and the results for her were much better than his. I suppose that the people that I attend school with are better with lesbianism than they are with homosexuality.
Anyway, like I was trying to say, I see my double life -- hell, I'll call it a triple life and I'll explain why in just a moment --- as sort of a defense mechanism. Basically, there are three levels to me -- and truth-be-told, I hate it, but it's just the way that it is --
1. You're an Outsider or an not-so-trusted friend. You know nothing but what you speculate. This is where my parents fall. 2. You're getting closer to the inner circle. You're trusted enoguh that I feel that if I let it slip, then I'm pretty sure you'd be ok with it. 3. You're on the inner circle. You're one of the people that I've actually told. You're very trust worthy. Secure admitance only .
I consider my best friends, and oddly enough, even though I don't truly, truly know you guys, the people here at Scarleteen to be on the inner circle. I hold nothing back with the people who have reached that level. These are the ones that I can talk with (seriously) about difficulties in masturbation and the guy or girl that I'm lusting after or... maybe even in love with .
That's my life in a nutshell, or my triple-life, I suppose (that sounds strange).
------------------ Tim ST Advocate
"Read the Bible again sometime. Women are painted as bigger antagonists than the Egyptians and Romans combined. It stinks." --"Serendipity," Dogma
"...I want to walk through life rather than being dragged through it." - Alanis Morissette
Posts: 712 | From: Michigan, US | Registered: Oct 2001
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Hey, yeah, I totally live a double life. It's weird, it's not even so much about who knows and who doesn't know that I (mostly) like girls, but more in how I act around them. There are some people who I can say "dammnnnn, she's hot" without them batting an eye...and then there are the people who I maybe came out to in a flippant way (like saying "yeah...boys aren't really my type " and either they get it or they don't...). Um, yeah. Most of the time it has more to do with shyness and being a rather private person than it does with being a coming out issue. Um, yeah, that was *so* on topic...right...
------------------ ~*frog*~
Posts: 41 | From: Chicago | Registered: Jan 2002
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I think, until I come out to everyone close to me, I'll be leading a double life. For example, some of my friends from high school don't know I'm bi, although three of my closer ones do - and two of them are, too.
Meanwhile, everyone I live with here in university knows - and there isn't a person in my house who hasn't looked at a member of the same sex, I actually live with a f/f couple - and some people who ask me I will tell.. but if you don't ask, I generally don't tell. I had a girl make a pass at me (Sept. 11th - she had crappy timing) and when I was like "um, no thanks" she demanded to know if I liked girls. And I said I did (I just didn't want her checking to see if my pants had just tore a hole in the crotch in a public, family restaurant, thanks).
My parents don't know, although my mom has tried to surprise me into admitting I'm gay. Surprise doesn't work on me. (I hate surprises.) My mother is so pushy about it - she's been making jokes about me being a lesbian since before I like anyone of either gender, and the jokes are inevitably along the lines of "if you ever want to give your father a heart attack...". Not exactly encouraging.
It's no fun, and it feels like I'm deceiving people I care for. For example, when I told a friend who doesn't know I'm bi, about the girl who made a pass at me (and proceeded to stalk me, but that's a different issue), she was like: "but you told her you weren't interested in other girls, RIGHT?" I wasn't actually expecting it from her, since she seems pretty open-minded. And then again, her best friend, who is very devoutly religious, agreed with me when I was trying to test the water with the comment that if I met my soulmate and we were the same sex, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity because of it.
It's hard to tell who to tell, you know?
Once you start coming out, it's hard to stop. I've gotten used to people knowing; I don't like having to watch what I say, who I look at, around certain people.
Of course, it could be worse. My best friend from high school has a girlfriend now, and her parents don't know she's bi. (Although her brother does, and I think he is too..) Her girlfrind spent a few days at her house this Christmas (unfortunately after I left, because I would have liked to see them as a couple, finally :> ). I can't imagine how hard that must have been. Even though neither of them are particularly prone to physical shows of affection, it was probably hard.
So, yes, we lead double lives. Some of us don't have different names for them. ;p But they're there all the same.
What really sucks is when someone you like lets you be all cuddly with them, and then remarks that the'd be worried if it was anyone else but you, but you're weird that way. *frustrated wilt*
posted
I don't have a double life really. everybody knows about me being bi except for my parents. I think I may end up telling them soon, anyway. I feel as if I'm living a lie by not telling them. once you all tell your friends, I bet you'll feel a lot better. I did.
------------------ I'm a chick who likes chicks.
Posts: 9 | From: middle of the desert, california | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
Unfortunately, some people (like me) don't have a choice about lying. If you want to survive, you have to lie. I live in a small town, where people are extremely closed minded, both to religion and sexuality. One of the teacher's I had last year openly admitted to being biased against gays. You can imagine having to sit through his class everyday for a year. The rest of the faculty is almost as bad. I've been threatened with suspension due to arguments with teachers over religion (once because a substitute told the principal I was a Satanist, which I'm not, and shouldn't have gotten in trouble for even if I was; and once because I verbally retailiated when a teacher said my (religious) "opinions" are wrong.) Several of my 'friends' are homophobic, so I have to watch what I say and do, and try to 'act' straight. I've gotten migraines from having to deny being gay when someone jokes about it; or worse, when everyone's taking turns making jokes about 'fags', and everyone turns to me because it's my turn to make a joke. Not saying anything would be like putting up sign that says "I'm queer; Please kick my ass" on my back. Usually I'll say something macho about lesbians being cool, but I feel bad for not sticking up for myself. So, to keep from being a social outcast, I trade my pride for hypocrisy. Why be friends with people like that? They're the only people who tolerate my religious beliefs, and at my school, you need someone watching your back. Why? The football team. The faculty turns a blind-eye when they threaten, hit, steal from, or sexually harrass someone. The thing that pisses me off the most is that they constantly put me down for being gay (they don't really know I am) when their friends are around, then make passes at me and my friends when they're alone. As for my family; My mom is a conservative Christian, and when I DID try to come out to her several years ago, she said I was "confusing admiration for attraction." My dad is somewhat more open minded, but has a thing about being 'a REAL man', and continuing the family name. (He freaked out when I painted my nails black, which had more to do with my religion than sexuality.) My sister is probably the first relative I will come out to. She has made subtle remarks about me being 'fruity', and I think she knows (at least suspects) that I'm gay. I did tell one of my online friends (I knew her in R/L, but moved to a different town) I was gay, but since I wouldn't come out into the open like she had, she stopped talking to me. I think that's the biggest problem with coming out, people either don't want you to, or they want you to do it at THEIR pace, not yours. So next time you feel like a loser for not coming out, remember; there's a difference between acting smart and being a coward. Sorry for this being so long, but I had a lot on my mind.
Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2002
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quote:Originally posted by kouseiya: (...I painted my nails black, which had more to do with my religion than sexuality.)
Not to pull this thread off topic, but I'm just curious as to why painting your nails black has anything to do with your religion. I'll admit I don't know much about a lot of different religions, so I'm really wanting to know.
------------------ Munchy, the Munchkin, the Monchichi
Awhile ago I decided to do a self-initiation into my religion (I call it my religion for lack of a better term, since it's a mixture of several neopagan religions). I painted my fingernails on my left hand, which is the body part associated with Mercury. I chose black nail-polish because of it's connection to Saturn. Anyway, I painted them to symbolize my acceptance of a new spiritual path. I hope that answers your question.
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Kouseiya? As in Seiya Kou? As in Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon? *looks hopeful* Are you an otaku?
I'm sorry your life sucks so much. Honest. This girl joined my crew team today and the first thing she tells me is that everyone calls her a dyke, even her own mother, and it's just driving her nuts, and, and... and a lot of the people in this world are dirty little ****************s who should be strung up to dry. The world is so damn messed up. *wanders off rambling about how she's going to beat up the homophobes in kouseiya's town*
------------------ "I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon
posted
Yep. Kou Seiya as in Sailor Starfighter. Otaku? I recognize the word but I'm not sure what it means. I don't speak much japanese except 'baka!' and '(Name)-chan'. *Sigh* Subtitled eps for me. Ever notice that the Soldier of Revolution's attack is "DEAD Scream", while the Soldier of Death's attack is "Death Reborn REVOLUTION"? Strange, ne?
Oops. Sorry for getting off topic. I just get excited when I meet another BSSM fan.
Hehe! I bet you could take on the homophobes. They're only a problem when they have 15 of their friends against 1 person. They're not exactly known for bravery (or intellect, for that matter). Hopefully I'll move to a bigger town soon, so I won't have to put up with them. Who knows, maybe I'll even find a boyfriend. Even if I don't move, in 2 years I'm off to college anyway, so I'll just tough it out untill then.
Sorry about the girl on your crew. People should respect each other more, regardless of race, sex, age, religion, preference, or whatever. I almost feel guilty for being Republican. ALMOST. :P
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*jumps up and down* Sailormoon fans! Wahoo! Girl Seiya(for all you non-otakus, the anime--cartoon--made the Starlights magical transsexuals--long story, don't ask) is so hot. An otaku is an anime freak, it's a diss in Japan, but in English-speaking countries it's a badge of pride, so to speak. BTW, Sailorpluto is also the senshi of time. I love anime, especially Sailormoon. (down with the English dub--they made lovers into cousins!) Haruka? She's my namesake, to some extent. I see where snarlkitty's coming from. You know Setsuna? Sailorpluto? She's mine. You can't have her, 'cause she's all mine. So's Rei and Minako, too, for that matter, and girl Seiya. Don't get me started on other animes, I'd be listing everyone that's mine for ages. Arashii is most definitely mine, though.
Homophobes are incredibly stupid. One today said that gays have no brains. I don't understand his logic, especially since said homophobe watches lesbian porn. Damn hypocrite. And then the whole class ganged up on me and told me the Bible condemmed homosexuality. I don't think they've even read it, from the way they were talking. And the little *************** in gym called me a she-male... I'm full of rancor today. I missed rowing because of it. I'm so incredibly angry at the little ***********s in my class. Grrr....
------------------ "I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon
[This message has been edited by TenohSetsuna (edited 01-23-2002).]
posted
Ugh! Bible-illiterate 'preachers' piss me off! I have the same problem, except it's cause of my religion. Now, if you want to get those homophobes off your back about "God's word", here's some ammo to put them in their place. The Bible speaks against gays, but it also: 1-Says uncircumsized men should be abandoned by their family/community. 2-Says to kill all 'witches', which really means anyone of a different religion. 3-Commands that anyone who works on Sunday (the Sabbath) should be executed. 4-Shows God's approval of killing innocent people (Including infants!), repeatedly throughout the book. 5-It also says that 'cripples' should not enter a church.
There ya go. Next time they whip out a "Bible" quote, give them a lesson in what God ALSO says. That'll shut them up. Or make them admit they're the bigots we all know they are! If you want more verses, go to http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/
"Sorry if I offended anyone, but they offended me first."
posted
Yeah, well, the folks in my class can't get past the "thou shalt not lie with a man as you would a woman" thing. I keep on telling them that's reffering to sex, which doesn't equate to God hating gays. And to top it all off, I'm going to hell now, too, just because I'm an atheist. Oh, hooray. It's becoming such that I thing hell might be more interesting than heaven, what with all the folks I know who seem to be heading there. Damn morons. One guy even brought in a Bible to show me all this. That would be the same guy who watches lesbian porn. *kicks the homophobes where the sun don't shine for being hypocrites*
------------------ I don't want eternity. But Arashii is mine.
"I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon
posted
I am bi online and straight at school. Some of my good friends know, though.
Posts: 3 | From: Gahanna, OH USA....YEAH! | Registered: Jan 2002
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Hey TenohSetsuna. About the whole 'Thou shalt not lie with a man as you would with a woman' thing...There is a hectic debate going on at www.teenfx.com about this and there are some brilliant points. It has something to do with 'wasting' sperm. Also...It says nothing about woman. The reason for this is that when woman have sex, be it with a man or woman, she does not waste eggs. I really suggest everyone check it out in the 'gender preference' section found in 'Sex and Love.' Just a warning...It's not moderated...People basically say what they want to. It's really worth a look.
Posts: 86 | From: South Africa | Registered: Oct 2001
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Thanks. I'm arguing this same point on A Sailor Moon Romance (www.moonromance.com), in their discussion boards, because I think its lots of fun. Its under Critical Thinkers Anonymous, the thread's called "Gay and Bisexual v. Homophobics" or something like that. I love arguing, especially when people are so willing to argue back and never quit.
------------------ I don't want eternity. But Arashii is mine.
"I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon
posted
I suppose I lead a little bit of a double life. Most of my friends know. I never really did the whole "coming out" thing, people just sort of know. Either they've asked me, or I've mentioned it in a conversation or something. A lot of them are gay or bi themselves, so it was never that big of a deal. So I guess I'm fairly out in school. I don't flaunt my gay-ness, but I've got my rainbow jewelry, etc. If anyone asks me, I'll tell them, I just don't feel the need to "come out." So, around them I am completely myself.
I've never told my parents directly. I'm pretty sure they've figured it out though. I know that they're perfectly comfortable with it. If I ever told them, I doubt they'd even bat an eye. I'm pretty much myself around them, I just don't go out of the way to mention that hot girl in my French class.
I haven't told any of my other relatives. A lot of them are pretty conservative. I know they wouldn't disown me or anything, but they'd be pretty disapprooving. It'd be awkward, and I'd be looked down upon. They still pester me about why I don't have a boyfriend. I really don't want to tell my grandparents. They'd go in to cardiac arrest. So to my other relatives, I'm a perfectly "normal" straight girl.
posted
I can relate to this. There are a few close friends of mine, including some of my exes that know about my sexual identity. I haven't "come out" to my parents, though I have a feeling that my mother suspects something. (She'll sometimes make comments like, "Honey, I'll love you even if you are a lesbien. At least I won't have to worry about you getting pregnent..." or she'll see my favorite maget on my file cabinet that reads "Janes knows Connie. She doesn't care to know Dick.") However, homophobia at my High School is more common than colds are so I haven't gone around shouting that I like girls. I think it also has something to with the fact that I don't think that my sexual preference has any relevance at school unless it is necessary. (Like when people make comments about how some girl LOOKS like she's a lesbien because she wears athletic styled clothes and doesn't spend hours fixing her hair/makeup. That's a sterotype.... not all lesbiens/gays look a specific way, but you knew that.)
My fantasies right now are the main way, other than talking on line, that I lead a deul life. Maybe someday that will change. We'll see.
I should also mention that I feel like I big loser because I don't have a significant other and that people online are going to make assumptive leaps about me.... but what can I do?
Posts: 5 | From: Middle of Nowhere | Registered: Jan 2002
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Repeat after me, ShaddowBoxer: I am not a loser because I don't have a girlfriend. I am not a loser. I will survive high school, even though it should be renamed hell school, because I have to prove that I'm going to go farther in life than the homophobes. It applies to me, anyway.
I hate those stupid "well, you dress like that, so..." stereotypes. Today the morons in my class were saying "I row, I'll race you" even though they've never even seen a shell. I told them that if they rowed they'd know what LBRA stood for(Long Beach Rowing Association, the SoCal Cup is held there, so it's famous in California, some part of the Olympics was held there one year, I think). This guy comes up to me and says LBRA stands for the Lesbian Bitches Rowing Association. Um... how about no? Gym is so evil, that's where I take all this crap about being a "she-male," a guy, and a member of the Lesbian Bitches Rowing Association.
------------------ I don't want eternity. But Arashii is mine.
"I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon
quote:Originally posted by TenohSetsuna: Repeat after me, ShaddowBoxer: I am not a loser because I don't have a girlfriend. I am not a loser. I will survive high school, even though it should be renamed hell school, because I have to prove that I'm going to go farther in life than the homophobes.
I totally agree. Finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is hard enough, but it takes on a whole new dimension in difficulty when you're gay and attend 'Homophobic High'. The only reason to feel like a loser is if someone you like expresses (repeatedly) an interest in you, but you push them away because you're afraid to be a 'fag'. This happened a couple years ago, but for some reason I keep thinking about it. I know we would have broken up anyway, but I still wonder what 'could' have been. I don't understand how I can agonize for days over something in the past, yet I can't pay attention to my math teacher for 15 minutes.
*Sigh* Today my friend (who I was planning on coming out to) made a comment that makes me think she's one of those 'pro lesbian, anti-gay' people. So now I've not only taken my hand off the closet doorknob, I've also nailed the door shut. Plus, people harrassed me about my religion AGAIN today, and then made a big show of 'trying to find out' if I'm gay, which tempted me to come out right then and there, just to see what they'd do. Of course I'd already nailed my closet door shut, so I quickly dismissed the thought.
One positive thing about today: One of my teachers (out of the blue, I didn't ask her to do this) offered to help me search for college/university scholarships because I'm 'going places' (I think that's what she said, or at least something like that). Since the faculty at my school has the mentality of "If you're not on the football or basketball team, you're not worth my time", this really made my day. So, I guess not all teachers are slime. Of course, this probably wouldn't be the case if she knew I was gay, so that kinda pisses me off. I should have probably posted this in a different forum, but I didn't feel like starting my own personal thread.
posted
I'm sorry you have to go through that Tenohsetsuna. It's disgusting how cruel, ignorant and thoughtless people can be.
As for the 'Update you Bible' post, you're just going to have to press 'pervious'. Thanks for the site. Also...Check out religioustolerance.org Posts: 86 | From: South Africa | Registered: Oct 2001
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You know, once I sat down and thought about that whole "thou shalt not.. with...man...as.. woman" thing, and I figured:
"Hey, that only applies to bisexuals!"
"AUGH! I'm screwed!"
But then I reviewed my steamy sixteen-year old fantasies and realised that I was probably safe, since I don't want to do with a man the things I want to do with a woman, exactly. *g*
As for going to hell because you're an atheist, I have a question: athiest means, not believing there's a god, iirc. So, if you don't believe in any gods, why would you believe in hell? *scratches head*
Steel Queen
P.S. technically, "otaku" is japanese for "house" (not "home", which is "uchi"), and it's also a form of referring to oneself. Over hear it just means a fan of mang anad anime, usually. *g*
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I don't believe in hell or heaven, except as an abstract concept, i.e., a horrible place is hellish, a candy store where you don't have to pay is heaven. It just ticks me off that they like to shove it in my face that they think I'm going to hell, since to them that means I'm an awful, terrible, no good, rotten person. It's like they think it's fun to push it in my face. Um, yeah I just started rambling too much, but the long and the short of it is that I don't think there's a physical place called hell.
------------------ I don't want eternity. But Arashii is mine.
"I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon
posted
Don't feel so bad about having a double life. You said that your school is very homophobic, so maybe the reason you don't say anything at school is because it's a safety issue. Not many people at my school know I'm bi,and a lot of that has to do with the fact that the majority of my school is made up of homophobic rednecks (not a good combination!)So for me it is a safety thing.
Posts: 88 | From: Hixson, TN, US | Registered: Mar 2002
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Ahhhhhg!!!! Double lifing sux! Last year I dated a Fundamentalist Christian misogynist while crushing on a lez girl who also liked me. I was on a date with him one night around Christmas at the ice rink and I saw her. He was skating alone so she and I started talking about IT. I told her I was lez and we started playing in each others hair and he was watching. His face went sort of white and he didn't talk to me the rest of the night. Hasn't called since. And the girl moved to Wisconsin so I'm single again :-(
Posts: 34 | From: Baltimore,MD,21214 | Registered: Mar 2002
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Hello, I completely know where you're coming from. At school I completely and totally act like I'm straight because the people at my school are sooooo homophobic it's not funny. No one in my family knows that I'm bi, I haven't even told my closest freinds that I've seen.
But when I get home and I get on-line, I start talking to people from the different RPG's I'm in and I've told 3 people, all of us in different countries that I'm bi, and I took the risk of them accepting me or not because I don't have to face them every day, but I know the 'slings and arrows' I'd have to face if anyone at my school heard.
And, like, it's getting a bit harder every day just not yell it out over the p.a system because it's driving me crazy not telling people the whole truth about me. But some of the people that I hang around with every day have expressed their anxieties and phobias of gays and anyone who isn't hetero. But it's getting harder to hide from them, ever since puberty my voice has been getting closer to that of a stereotypical gay guy, the way that I act, the things I have interest in, I don't think that I can stand it much more, it's like living a lie. I think the only reason that I'll make it until next year is because I'm a natural born actor, but.....I'm so unsure of what to do....
------------------ "Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be, and if you give a **** take me baby, or leave me."~Jo-Ann and Maureen from the broadway production "Rent"
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wow... I feel so sorry for all of you. I mean, I'm not very open about it or anything, but I know a couple open lesbians at my school and not that many people care. I mean, my school isn't free of homophobes, but it would be so weird to me if I couldn't tell people about all the girls I like... I mean, basically all my friends know (none of them care) and a couple other people at school know too. I guess I do live in a pretty liberal town though. Actually, the guys at our school are a lot worse than the girls--I feel sorry for my one gay guy friend, because if any guys knew, it would be hell for him. Oh well, the running opinion here is that people don't mind if you're gay, they just think it's a sin and that's your problem if you go to hell. I still wish people would get over the whole issue of who you're attracted to though, because I mean, you love who you love.
Posts: 6 | From: Missouri | Registered: Mar 2002
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i am fully free of the double life and damn happy about it too i came out to my friends about a year ago and my mom and brother about a month ago. they're still trying to deny it, but at least i've crossed that hurdle. i remember last year i still was only out online. it was like my haven because i knew quite a few bisexual girls online and figured they wouldn't mind about one more. i didn't lose any friends. i don't know, i guess it was just easier that way at the time.
and TenohSetsuna, not to be off-topic but i LOVE Bishojo Senshi Sailor Moon. especially Haruka. mrow. -.^
------------------ Prosperity that the golden Muses gave me was no delusion: dead, I won't be forgotten -Sappho
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Yeah, I totally known what you mean about the double life. It's veeerry wierd. In my mind, all the time I'm thinking about it, and I'm almost surprised nobody's asked me. Actually, one person has. She's not the nicest person. I didnt admit I was at the time she asked, and (of course) i said no. It was because I was saying lots of stuff about it in health class (of course that has nothing to do with it, but anyway.) I have told a few people who I know in real life. I'm pretty open on the internet, and with a couple of close friends. Nobody at my school knows, but I think they all pretty much thought I was in the beggining, even when I wouldn't admit it.
I really wish I hadnt told anybody. Not that anyone was mean, or anything, but I'm not sure yet, and what if I change my mind?
Posts: 8 | From: narberth, PA, USA | Registered: Jun 2002
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I was just wondering if anyone else has this situation. 
It's way too funny.
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I don't speak much japanese except 'baka!' and '(Name)-chan'. *Sigh* Subtitled eps for me. Ever notice that the Soldier of Revolution's attack is "DEAD Scream", while the Soldier of Death's attack is "Death Reborn REVOLUTION"? Strange, ne?
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