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Author Topic: my brother's homophobic! help!!!
Member # 5622

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an excerpt from my diary/notebook last night:

"..also my brother and i had a looong conversation tonight. we were talking about how hitler might've been a homosexual and then he goes "hehe i wonder if all gays are mini-hitlers". UGH!
i told him "hey, some of my FRIENDS are gay!!" and he asked why i was even friends with people like that!!!


but that's not the worst part!! i said i liked people who are nice to me for my friends & if they were gay i wouldn't really care since it doesn't change anything.
he's like "well it's sick! it's not natural!! they could change if they wanted" and i'm like "no! they can't! every single gay person i've known says if they could change they would, but they can't. they're born like that or something!"
"well, it's just gross. i hate gay people" he says.
"do you even KNOW any?!"

he didn't answer. (score one for the bethany! =P) then i thought about my friend's aunt, and my online friends nick and kelsey, and a few kids at this school (no names.. sorry) and about how i'm bi/bi-curious or whatever and went "NATHAN, listen to me. if there was a gay person sitting at our dining room table"" (as an example) "you would do right to keep those opinions to yourself."

he said "why the hell should i?"

GOD! why does he think he's right about EVEY SINGLE THING!?
it pisses me off so bad!! now i don't even know if i want to invite one of my friends over this weekend cos she's a lesbian and OH GOD the things he might SAY to her!!!!"

what do i do, guys?!? i don't want to see my friend get hurt by my brother's stupidity!

i was thinking that i might fly today
just to disprove all the things that you say

[This message has been edited by ninaBruja (edited 10-23-2001).]

[This message has been edited by ninaBruja (edited 10-25-2001).]

Posts: 27 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5460

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Yikes. That can be a tough one, but there's probably hope. Your brother sounds like he's homophobic mainly because he doesn't understand what it's like to be gay, and/or doesn't realize that he may actually know and like people who are gay but not out to him. A bit of gentle education might help a lot.

Do you know how your parents feel about homosexuality? If they're at all tolerant of it, you might want to tell them that you're afraid your brother will be rude to your friends, and ask them to have a talk with him.

You could also warn your friends that your brother is homophobic, and tell them that you're trying to bring him around, and in the meantime, please ignore any stupid things that he might say. Everybody knows how bratty brothers can be sometimes.

Also, PFLAG has some great information and advice on educating friends and relatives who have issues with homosexuality. Even if you don't plan to come out any time soon, you might want to check out their website:

I hope this helps!


[This message has been edited by kythryne (edited 10-23-2001).]

Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5622

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thanks ms kyrth

i was just on the phone with my mother.. she said she's comfortable being around gay people as long as they don't do PDA in public. i'm basically the same way *laughs* any sort of PDA, gay or straight, creeps me out..

anyway... she said there's no problem with me having gay friends over as long as they don't try and hit on me/my brother..

also she said there would be no way my brat brother would know as long as they don't say anything about being gay, and as long as i don't introduce them like that. (i.e. "this is my friend cindy and she's a dyke!" lol)

i also talked to one of my (gay) friends about this and she said if nathan yelled at her for being a lesbian she'd start cussing at him. o_O; i hope she doesn't do that b/c then my mom wouldn't want her over again.. she can't STAND argueing/swearing.

so it turns out i can invite my friends over, and i'll try to do it when my brother's not home.

i was thinking that i might fly today
just to disprove all the things that you say

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John Doe
Member # 3836

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There is as much chance that Hitler was gay as there is that he was jewish. Remember that the concentration camps had people in them with pink triangles as well as Yellow stars, and that the gays were actually sent to the concentration camps before the jews were.
Posts: 475 | From: ohio | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Confused boy
Member # 1964

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[Sly comment mode engaged] well funny you should mention that because I have heard that there was a small possibility that Hitler did have some Jewish ancestry due to certain unknown elements in some of his family. It is currently considered unlikely but still possible by current research.

Evidence that Hitler was homosexual is similiarly guess work but using Freudian theories seems more than likely. He sort of pushed it deep into his subconcious and projected it out on the world where he saw immorality and sought to destroy it, hopefully to destroy what was inside him. It also explains the uniforms of the SS etc. It is dangerous to deny who you are to yourself it seems.

As for the brother: he is more than likely to be scared out of his mind that he might be gay! There are only tow reasons that you might be very homophobic:

1. You have been brought up to believe it.

2. You are afriad you are gay yourself.

I was mildly homophobic a while back until I realised some very strange things about myself. Now whether I am gay or not seems a mere side point. At the moment I think I am bisexual with a strong leaning towards heterosexuality but who knows what that will become.

Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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This sounds familiar. One of my best friends is pretty homophobic - despite the fact that he's not at all uncomfortable with me being bi.

We discuss it often and we both wind up frustrated because neither of us can make the other understand where we're coming from. The good news is that we're making progress. I'm understanding him more and he's becoming more tolerant. The bad news is that it's been almost two years and we still haven't fully resolved this issue.

It takes a lot of time, patience, and love to work something like this out. The way he thinks rarely makes sense to me but he believes it wholeheartedly. I'm sure he could say the same about me. I've noticed that the more he starts to care about people that are different than him, regardless of what that difference is, the less homophobic he becomes.

If you really want your brother to be more accepting, the best way to go about it is to gently explain things to him as they come up. If applicable, make him realize that someone he already loves is not heterosexual. Don't let the conversation get hostile or rude - nothing good will come of that. Be aware of stereotypes and bad information, sometimes that's all a homophobic opinion is based on. Also remember that some people genuinely (if groundlessly) feel threatened by anything that isn't heterosexual. That's the problem my friend and I have, he feels threatened and, hard as I try, I can't understand why.

The only other thing I can say is to you good luck, I hope that you can help your brother understand.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2748

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From Jewel's great song "Pieces of You"

You say he's a ******, does it make you want to hurt him?
You say he's a ******, do you want to kick in his brain?
You say he's a ******, does he make you sick to your stomach?
You say he's a ******, are you afraid you're just the same?
******, ******, do you hate him
Cause he's pieces of you?

Oh, yeah, sorry about all the "bad words" but they're part of the song so I didn't want to change them.

[This message has been edited by DrQuack5 (edited 10-23-2001).]

Posts: 290 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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