posted
You will not have seen me post around here before because I believe I am predominantly heterosexual and all things GBLT for me seemed far better discussed around politics. But "predominantly" leaves room for some menouvrability .
But anyway, I have a friend at school who is also male and I find myself attracted to (atleast I think so, my mind changes over this). Nobody at my school is openly homosexual or bisexual which means I have no idea whether he is or isnt. My school is fairly homophobic I believe if the nasty jokes they make about homosexuals is anything to go by.
This leaves me with a slight problem. Do I attempt to come clean with this boy and see if a relationship other than friends could develop? That does carry the risk that it might somehow "get out" that I am bisexual and that would really be pretty worrying. I dunno how people would react to it. Furthermore, it could jeopodise the friendship I already have with this boy.
Any ideas?
Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000
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posted
thats a tricky one. i'm bi, and i never had a relationship with anyone at school (it was a girls school and belive me, the cliches are all false), and so nobody but my close friends, as far as i know, knew about it. i had one major crush on this chick a year above me, and while it would have been amazingly great if something had happened,looking back on it it was still kind of cool just feeling all the stuff you do when you have that kind of crush. people can go on as much as they like about how important it is to be true to yourself and honest about who you are etc, but in truth, school is a damn hard experience, and as long as you let yourself be, inside your own head, then maybe its not really that important to let anyone else know. i left school at 16 and went to college to do my a-levels, and it was such an incredibly different place that within a couple of months i found it easy to say whatever i wanted ( approaching a crush is still a pretty big thing- but now it the same kinda risk if its a guy or a girl!). my biggest tip is that you don't have to decide right now or ever, whether you're straight or bi,- however corny this sounds, you're really just you. and if you find yourself in a situation where you wanna be able to talk about your sexuality in public, so to speak- i've found the best way is to act as if its the most normal thing in the world (which, by the way, it is) and a surprising amount of people will tend to follow that lead. as to the question of whether you should try for something more than friends with this boy, well that one nobody can really answer. do what your instinct tells you, and if it all goes pear shaped just put it down to experience. as hard as anything may seem right now, just try to remember that in the future you'll have plenty of lovers and sad to say, rejections too, but thats life, and it would be pretty boring otherwise. sorry if that was all complete nonsense, but i hope you got what i was trying to say love and luck, x Posts: 29 | From: London, England | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
Well I do not really fear rejection in this case. I more fear what would happen if he declined and then told someone else. I dont think he would but it would be fairly disastrous for me if he did.
Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000
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posted
Well, you say that you are already friends so you've already got a relationship of a sort with this boy. Now the big question is do you trust him?
If you do, you could do a bunch of things, but the two that come to my mind are either to ask him if he's interested in a romantic relationship with a guy in general or to come out with your attraction to him. The first would probably keep you out of the frying pan if he turns out a jerk or something, but the second let's him know you like him and that it's okay if he likes you back. Basically, you have to take our advice and apply how you feel will work.
Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000
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posted
well, i think gaffer is right. and basically comes down to whether this boy is worth the risk.
Posts: 29 | From: London, England | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
I was in the same situation as you i first hadd a crush on this guy and then it developed into love..true love i think,know this freind of mine is the one for me in this life
it was very difficult at first and i told him,he was cool about it and i he had to come to terms that i loved him,a week laterr we wrer intimate with each other and he told me he liked me alot althogh i miss interperated this,when i confronted him about it he said he only liked me as a freind even thought we had oral 69 he claimed 2 be straight.Now i think that our freindship is being tested cuase he acts as if we are not that close anyomer. P.S REMEBER YOU MUST TELL HIM WHATEVER HAPPENS,MY FREIND ALSO ACTED AS IF HE WAS HOMOPHOBIC BUT WHEN I TOLD HIM HIS TRUE FEEILINGS SHOWED SO GO FOR IT AND I HOPE YOU WORK OUT UNLIKE WITH ME ,I NEED ADVICE POEPL WHAT SHOULD I DO? HE IS THE ONLY ONE FOR ME AND I WILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELS DONT TELL ME I WILL CAUSE I WONT ONLY HIM PEACE OT
Posts: 3 | From: New York | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
CB, i know exactly where you are coming from, but really don't have much advice to offer you. When I was you age, it happened to me quite a bit, usually with frieends who were a couple of years younger than me. I never ended up taking that risk, although I now wonder what would have happened if I did.
Posts: 475 | From: ohio | Registered: May 2001
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posted
This boy does not act particularly homophobic but often the people who pretend to be homophobic sometimes are closet homosexuals. Just look at the British Conservative Party! I have a feeling he might be a bit weirded out by it but he is fairly liberal minded as far as I know. I suppose it would not be a massive disaster but it could still be a problem if he did let it slip.
------------------ 'An Anarchist is a Liberal with a bomb' Trotsky
Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000
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posted
Well I have cast my line and told him, using the means of the internet. Typing my feelings is slightly easier than saying them. He said he was flattered but uninterested. That was about the best result I could reasonably expect, though of course my mind wandered to more interesting possibilities.
------------------ 'An Anarchist is a Liberal with a bomb' Trotsky
Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000
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posted
hey, whats up, i have a similar situation like you. well, atleast i did, let me share it with you. i met this guy at the beginning of the school year, we started talkin and we became friends. everyday we would talk, hangout with eachother, sit next to eachother, laugh together, and flirt. there was this other guy that started to interefere with us. i didnt like him. the guy that i like, him and i would talk everyday, he even propose that i walk him to his class everyday, so we could talk longer...so i would do that, i would walk him to his class, and then i would go to my class. i thought we were really gonna hook up. then a couple of months ago, he stopped talkin to me, stopped sittin next to me, didnt hang out anymore, he was hanging out with another guy. i would try to talk to him, but he wouldnt say no more that " hi ", and it sounded like he wasnt interested anymore. it went on for several weeks. the guy i like and that other guy would sit together, talk, laugh, giggle, and always be together everywhere they went they were always side by side, the way we were when we first met. about a couple weeks before school was out for the summer, they were sittin together, i looked under the table and there feet were together, they had them touching, i was sooo sad, i wanted to die right there and then. ohhh this guy was sooo cute, i loved him so much, i dunno, mabe i could still try to get him back. anyways just wanted to let you know that story. and i know what ur going through, i'm very depressed, i'm always sad, especially when i think about him, or see something or think of something that reminds me of him. anyways please e-mail me back and let me know what you think about my situation. i believe we both are in the same situations. thanks for taking the time to read this. i hope to hear from you soon. bye!!
posted
confused boy, even if he wasn't interested, that's so great that you tried. how brave of you, i don't know if i would have the guts to do what you did. rock on. *claps*
and gayboi, i'm sorry. :/ maybe next time eh?
------------------ Prosperity that the golden Muses gave me was no delusion: dead, I won't be forgotten -Sappho
posted
Thank you people. Its been quite a while since I told him now, and my friendship with him is almost repaired (though I doubt he will want to come over to my house ever again). We can now chat and hang out ok and we just dont mention what I told him. So he didnt freak out in the end. Who knows, if I stay being friendly with him, maybe at a party where recreational substances flow more freely, I may be rewarded with a kiss .
------------------ 'An Anarchist is a Liberal with a bomb' Trotsky
Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000
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