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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » How to Tell?

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Author Topic: How to Tell?
Member # 5108

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I am bisexual and I am still staring at the closet door. Which is fine w/ me. Right now thats not my problem. The thing is...I have no gaydar. How can I tell if a female is bi or lesbian? I mean, I can kinda guess but I am very unsure about my gaydar(it sounds so weird saying that out loud). I no there's no definite way to tell if someone's gay or not but Im sure there are ways that other lesbians/bisexuals do. The left handed thing doesn't really help much-lol. Any advice?
Posts: 2 | From: South Africa | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 4764

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Lesbians and bisexual females tend to date girls. Sorry, there's no real indicator that screams "No, I am not straight!" Would make it easier if there was. I know how you feel; I'm bisexual and it's impossible for me to find girls right now. I have no gaydar either, and I have doubts if such a thing exists...

Watch out for Code Red.

Posts: 1784 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You ask.

End of story.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 5460

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I seem to have reasonably good gaydar, but I don't rely on it. As Miz Scarlet said, the only way to be really sure is to ask. And yes, that can be scary.

If you don't feel comfortable being that blunt, there's always the old tactic of bringing up the topic of sexual orientation in a roundabout way and seeing how the other person reacts. For instance, you might discuss a gay celebrity, as in "oh, I saw Melissa Etheridge on tv last night -- did you know she and Julie Cypher split up last year?" Not guaranteed, but it at least lets the other person know that you're not uncomfortable with the idea of people being bi or lesbian or gay.

You can also watch for visual clues, like pride jewelry, rainbow stickers, bumper stickers, etc. I don't run around shouting about it from the rooftops, but I do have rainbow stickers on my car and my guitar case, and I don't bother to hide my copies of The Advocate when people come over to my house...

Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2748

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I'd say pride paraphanalia (<-- most likely horrible spelling) is a good way, although not a sure shot. My former best friend wore a pride bracelet (right after I came out, I got one for her, myself, and my girlfriend) but she's not gay, and she wore it on her wrist. But I am gay and I wore it on my ankle. Oddness.

Anyway, I, too, have no gaydar. My girlfriend has a really good one. A few days ago we had the first GSA meeting of the year and one of the kids I sit with during lunch was there and I was like, "Hey, y'know Mike? What do you think of him?" And she glanced over her shoulder at him and was like, "Oh, yeah. I've always thought so." And I'm sitting there like, "Where did my gaydar go?" So yeah. Go with the Miz on this one. Ask.

Posts: 290 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5272

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Gaydars do exist. Mine's pretty good, and my best friend's is awesome. But they only work on the things already mentioned - pride jewellry, atitudes towards being gay or bi - but the infomation is computed subconciously.

However, the only sure way of knowing is to ask, as Miz Scarlet said.


Posts: 59 | From: London, UK | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 5640

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I have to admit, I'm also one of those "staring at the closet door" bisexuals. And, I also have no developed gaydar. There's always those "Well, he's a good dresser..." or "he's extreemly meticlous"... but, there really is no way to tell if there are the tendencies in that person or not. Wouldn't life be so much easier if we all wore signs? -- JUST KIDDING!

Tim (a.k.a. the dude)

"we would share and listen and support and welcome be propelled by passion" - Alanis Morissette("Utopia')

Posts: 712 | From: Michigan, US | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5760

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Left handers are gays?? Nice to know... I'm a southpaw myself, but never mind that :)
I'm guessing that one way to be sure is just going to a gay bar or something like that, not much doubt with the people there ;)

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

Posts: 25 | From: Israel | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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