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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I have to tell....

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Author Topic: I have to tell....
Member # 4480

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I have to tell someone that I am Bi. I know that I am, and I want to tell my parents. But I dont want them to think any less of me. I currently have a boyfriend, and he knows, aand he respects my feelings. He knows that I have been w/ girls previously to our relationship, but how can I tell my parents? My mother isn't easy to talk to, nd I don't think she'll believe me. I have tried to ask her wht she would do if one of us 3 kids were bi/gay/lesbian, aand her reply was "Well, none of you re, so I don't hve to worry about that." So, when she sid that, I couldn't do it. I guess I wussed out. Should I just go for it, and let them know the truth? Or keep it a secret, and just allow friends to know? My step-faather knows about it, and he said not to tell my mother because she'd have a fit. Will she love me any less? What I'm mostly scared of is my dads reaction. I'm "daddy's little girl" and if he finds out I'm "******* " other girls, he'd be so... um... I guess... disapointed? upset? discouraged? I don't know. I need help!!!


Posts: 2 | From: Forked River | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3023

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Well, hon, ultimately, your sexuality is your business. Whether you tell or not is totally up to you. It seems like you really want to tell her. Now, I have to admit I'd be less than likely to do it, myself, after she made a comment like the one she made to you... but if it is really important to you then that's what you should remember when considering what to tell them. I don't think that you will necessarily have a huge problem--if you do, it would only be temporary... but I don't know your family. I mean, I personally haven't had a problem with coming out, and when I have it's only been a matter of brief shock or whatever. But there are still a lot of people who I just don't want to discuss sexuality with. So if you really think it will be a problem then you'll have to choose which way to go for yourself. Good luck, hon!

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Posts: 141 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 406

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It's different for every person, some people have supportive parents, some people have parents that kick them out of the house, and some people have parents that ignore it and pretend it's a phase (like mine).

The rule numero uno about coming out to someone is will they physically harm you? If your mom is going to hurt you or hit you or kick you out, it's better to wait to bring up the subject.

The rule numero dos is will they support you? It's one thing to have a parent who says that they don't understand it or believe in it, but they love you for who you are blah blah, and it's an entirely other thing to have a parent who will be mentally abusive towards you or your friends. If they're going to disown you or 'think less of you', then you need to ask yourself is it really worth it?

The rule numero tres is to remember that you don't have to tell everyone and anyone you meet. Tell the people that you want to know, tell the people that are close to you that you feel should know, tell the people you're interested in (so in case they're interested too...), but if a person doesn't qualify with any of the above, then there isn't really a reason to tell them unless you feel the need to.

Of course these aren't real rules, just ones that I seem to find helpful and that have helped me. Try to look at your situation objectivly (it's hard, I know) and decide if the end result will be more bad than good, more good than bad, or neutral. If it's going to be more bad than good...then in my opinion, it's not worth the hassle. Since you don't plan on sleeping with your mom there isn't a reason for her to know, unless of course you want to bring a girlie home, then you might want to give her some advance warning.

::huggles:: good luck babe

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Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7061

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Most parents have issues believing that their perfectly normal child is different. With such frowned-upon thing as homosexuality in society (or at least the closed minded bigots), parents feel that they have 'failed' in raising their kid. They just don't realise that SOMEHOW they succeeded; made their child open minded. Anyways, it is dissapointing that some parents can't accept their child's sexuality. They won't love you any less. You just need to tell them, be honest, and eventually they will come to terms. I hope it goes well!
ps. i probably shouldnt be talking, I haven't told MY father, who will have a complete fit. I have tested the water to see how he'd react, and it doesnt look pretty! I'm only going to tell him if I have a girlfriend. Think about that too. If you have a girlfriend, you could tell them then. I'd tell your friends (they might be bi too!)

Posts: 21 | From: LA, CA, USA | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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