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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Straight Sex

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Author Topic: Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Straight Sex
CuriouS GeorgE
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Alright guys. This really bothers me and I want to know what you guys think about it. When you were coming out, (say you were telling people you were a lesbian) did people ask you how you knew? Hmmmm, basically what I mean is that when I was telling a few of my friends that I was bisexual, they immidiatly asked me who (girl)did I have sex with? And I said no one yet and they asked "then how do you know?"
This really makes me frustrated!! I just felt like shouting, "Well you've never had sex, how do you know you're straight!!???"

Has anyone else had experiences like this and if you have, what did you say to them?

If no one's had this happen to them but can still offer advice, be my guest!! Thanks guys!!

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CuRioUs GeoRGe

Love is an irrisistable desire to be irrisistably desired.
-Robert Frost


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Laughs_Wisely
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Four people asked me that question, and all four got the same response you were considering. "You've never had sex with a boy/girl. How'd you know you're straight?"

It didn't really matter, though, as I'm generally regarded by my friends as a stalwart, upright woman, and when I tell them something, I've already given it serious thought.

Really, seriously, if they're being that rude about it, respond with the "How do you know you're not bi/gay if you've never slept with someone of your same gender?" Give 'em a moment to think about it, then say, "Now you know how I feel."

Or something of the sort.

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Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
( Tr. "I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head." )


Posts: 140 | From: Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gaffer
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Yes, yes, quite quite. I usually give the same response when I'm at camp (except it's in french 'cause I go to a french camp). Sometimes, though, I just let them wonder. This weird look passes across their faces every time, it's really quite humorous to watch.
Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pixie69
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Yeah, I say the same thing. Also, when faced with the "you're too young to decide what your sexuality is!" (usually by an older person) I also come back with "how old were you when you decided when you were straight?". And of course they have nothing to say, because we're not too young, and you don't have to have sex in order to prove your sexuality.

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Brittany
Scarleteen Advocate

real poetry is all based on this old myth about this beautiful, scary, trippy goddess who the poet wants to possess but he always loses her to this shadowy other guy - Girl Goddess #9


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rambler
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Generally, my friends take me pretty seriously. I have been able to look them square in the eye, tell them, and they'll be like, "Hmm, that's interesting"... Now, I have a lot of odd friends, mind you, and they're not necessarily concerned with what society thinks, so I guess I am lucky there.

I did have a fair amount of that kind of stuff from slightly older people (a lot of my friends are in their 20s or older...) who decided I was too young. One person fed me the whole "how will you know until you sleep with a man" line... I asked her to go sleep with a woman and she said "Oh my god, I could never have a long-term relationship like that," and I said, "But did you try it yet?"

After that she did not really bug me although I did come to the conclusion that guys are all right for me--in particular, one guy is... but it really bugged me that I had come out as a lesbian and had to rearrange my thinking a bit--not because I was really mad about it myself but because I knew that now I would be open to a lot of criticism for what I see as just questioning... and I was, but by that point I had been up and down the whole spectrum so much and thought it out for so long that it didn't matter to me, and my friends also knew/know that I am serious just because of all the stuff I went through to get to this point.

When people ask me how I know, now, well, I usually don't even bother to explain it very much but I just tell them that I know my own feelings and I know what they mean... and if that doesn't work then I might ask them to tell me why they're straight, which I agree causes some very amusing situations... although sometimes it can make whoever it is REALLY mad...

It really bothers me that the token response to that (if there is one) is basically "because everyone is" or "because everyone should be" or "why wouldn't I be straight" or something along those lines.

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rambler
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DrQuack5
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I've never been greeted with such responses ... but now I almost want to. (I like challenging people's opinions)

But, usually when I come out, first I'll say "I'm gay" or something to that effect, and if they ask questions about my ever being with a guy, I'll say something like, "I'm not going to rule being with a guy out. I actually prefer to use 'free' instead of 'gay' to avoid the hate that goes with labels." And I found that to be a good answer.


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Rizzo
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When I told my friend I was gay, she said "no you're not!"

I now identify as bi, even though I've never had sex with a girl. It's funny how people think you have to prove your queerness but not your straightness. It's infectious... when I first kissed a girl I though "oh, now I can really call myself a lesbian!"


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JenaSuperStar
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When I came out to my boyfriend... he didn't believe me.

When he broke up with me and saw me with a grrl at the mall... he assumed she was my girlfriend and came up to me and her and started saying shyt.

My friend is the straightest grrl in the world. She felt uncomfortable and hasn't talked to me since.

I hate being asked...'How do you know??'

DRIVES ME INSANE!!!

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DrQuack5
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That last post made me think ... how many of you have been asked "how do you know?". I have once, and that was by someone else who also was thinking she was bi/lesbian, so I wasn't pissed or anything.
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CuriouS GeorgE
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Yepppppers!! I've been asked how do I know.

It's kind of weird eh? It's kind of like asking who you've had sex with and with replying "how do you know?" It just doesn't make sense!! I don't mind people asking me questions about it or anything, but as long as they're sensible questions, and not stupid ones like "who have you slept with?"
When someone asks me this, I basically just tell them about my feelings towards women, and they usually understand. : )
I mean, come on now, it's not like it takes a rocket scientist to figure out that someone likes guys and girls when you tell them you're bi It's a pretty STRAIGHT forward subject!! (Pretty bad pun eh...lol)

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CuRioUs GeoRGe

Love is an irrisistable desire to be irrisistably desired.
-Robert Frost


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Pixie69
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I think a lot of it is is that people are raised to be straight. And they think that queer people have a little club and secret handshake, and since they're not a part of that they couldn't possibly know. And then they find out that someone, who they thought was normal and straight, is queer and they start saying..well I didn't know they were, how do I know that I'm not? So they want to know how we know, and we tell them we just know, and that just leaves them more confuse. But ahh well, it is how the world works. Wouldn't it be cool if we lived in a world where you didn't have to 'come out' because everyone was okay with it, and people weren't heterosexist so they wouldn't assume that you were straight, so you wouldn't have to make it clear that you weren't?

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Brittany
Scarleteen Advocate

real poetry is all based on this old myth about this beautiful, scary, trippy goddess who the poet wants to possess but he always loses her to this shadowy other guy - Girl Goddess #9


Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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