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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Identity and Assumptions

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Author Topic: Identity and Assumptions
Member # 168

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I've had the experience of coming out to someone as queer and then getting the following barrage of questions:
"Have you ever had sex with a girl?"
"Have you ever had a threesome?"
"What's it like to have sex with a girl?"
This has happened to me with people that I hardly know. It seems pretty intrusive. Does anyone else have problems with people making the assumption that it's okay to ask about your sex life just because you're queer? How about the assumption that you are even sexually active at all? Ever get this from family? Parents? Other queer people?

Limes Are Sublime

Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2105

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It irks me as much as it irks you, but I avoid the problem entirely by not coming out. Ta da! Well, if you wanted constructive input you should have said something earlier, silly.
Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 406

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I find this happens in many different areas, especially in the body modification one. For example, there is a guy named Jason Sands who is heavily tatooed (facial and body) and pierced, and he mentioned that people will ask about his genital modifications, when, if he didn't look that way, they'd never think to ask...

I'm lucky enough to be blessed with great friends (the ones who know I'm bi) where nothing is seen abnormal or intrusive. I mean, my celibate guy friend was running arond in my plaid bondage skirt, and no one blinked an eye. Any questions they've asked me, they would have asked me had I said I was straight.

Other people, however, are not so kind. People think that you have to have sex with both sexes to call yourself bi. Why is it that you can not have sex with the opposite sex, and still call yourself straight? The worst thing is when stupid guys ask if I'll have a three-some. They all assume that you're sexually obsessed (not to say I'm not) and that you've had adn will have and do anything sexual, just because you're bi. Most of these people are just as close-minded about everything in general, so I try not to take it personally.

but you're right, it gets annoying

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Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2769

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Almost every guy I've told has asked me questions about what I do with other girls. They don't hesitate to ask, either! I simply tell them that I've never done anything sexual with a female yet. "Yea, but what WOULD you do? Do you ever dream about girls?" They would never ask me if I dreamed about guys and how we'd have sex if I were straight. It can really get on my nerves.

Just like Pixie said, people can tend to think that just because we're queer- we're totally sex crazed. Where in the definition of "homosexual" does it say that we're sex crazed? I mean, sure, some homosexuals are, but some heterosexuals are too!

I'm very thankful to have some friends who respect and understand who I am (and who DON'T think I'm sex-crazed just because I'm a lesbian).

I try to educate people about "us queer folk" when I have the chance, but some people just can't get it through their head that the only difference between us and "the straight folk" is that we are sexually attracted to people of the same sex. Coming out as a lesbian doesn't automatically mean that I'm going to spend my life with a woman, shave my head, and have anonymous sex.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."

Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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