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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » My girlfriend and my bi-ness

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Author Topic: My girlfriend and my bi-ness
BoyPoetNU
Neophyte
Member # 3094

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Okay, I am with a girl. I like her a lot. I am bi and I want to tell her, but we have only been together for a little while. I can see our relationship lasting a long time, and I want her to fall in love with me for who I am and nothing else. It seems only fair to tell her, but I worry it may scare her away. I want to be able to make her comfortable with it, and not feel like I am going to go off and get with a guy. How should I tell her, or do you think I shouldn't And if I do tell her, how do I not worry her about it? Thank you to anyone with advice for me.
Posts: 9 | From: Niagara University, NY, USA | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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What I often find helpful in telling partners you are bisexual is explaining that just like because they are attracted to other men and that doesn't mean they're going to run off with all of them, the same goes for you.

All being bisexual means is that you may have a broader group that you *can* be attracted to than someone who is homosexual or heterosexual. It doesn't mean you need partners of both sexes, nor that someone of one gender "isn't enough," nor that you can be any less devoted. And explaining that gently and honestly usually makes all the difference.

Just try and be open and make clear that you're happy to answer any questions she has.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pixie69
Activist
Member # 406

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I've only heard a few people say that they wouldn't date a bisexual person because "I don't want them running off with a boy/girl" (a lesbian saying that /hetero male saying it) If she already likes you, then she shouldn't be scared off by that. Just tell her that you want to be honest with her in this relationship, and that you want her to like you for who you are and nothing else. Because tat's what relationships should be about. It doesn't mean that you're going to run off with some guy. Just explain it to her and I think she'll be okay with it, if she's really the great girl she sounds like.

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Brittany
Scarleteen Advocate

This person is a natural product. The slight variations in color and texture enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.


Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BoyPoetNU
Neophyte
Member # 3094

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You know, I posted this to you for your help (great answers by the way), and then I realized that regardless of what I was told on here I HAD to tell her anyway. So I did last night. She was alright with it--at least she says she is, and we are still together. The way I told her was that I could see myself falling in love with her and that if she were in the same position, I wanted her falling in love with me for who I am. I told her that it didn't change who I was, I wasn't going to go find a guy or anything, I just felt like I was lying to her... and I didn't want to. She even told me that if I decided I liked guys (which I highly doubt if it will happen) that I had to tell her and she would be okay with it.

So if there is anybody out there that is in that situation, tell them... trust me you will feel better in the relationship, and the trust levels will increase, because you have shared a VERY private part of your life with them.


Posts: 9 | From: Niagara University, NY, USA | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Bravo!

I just love it when these things go well. Good for you, BoyPoet.

Hooray!


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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