Ever feel stuck between two groups? It can be hard to assert yourself as neither straight nor gay. How do you embrace your sexual orientation when it is often not validated by mainstream society and it is sometimes rejected by the gay community too?
Hmmm, since getting into a relationship with a boy, I must say I feel pretty isolated from the lesbian community. I never really felt like I was a part of it (because I'm shy), but I used to think I had the potential to be accepted by them. Now I feel like my chances are blown. I'm actually a little bitter about it, but I know that infighting isn't going to help anything...
You're right. It's hard to assert yourself as bi. Often you're seen as wishy washy, so it's hard to make a clear statement. If you're in a relationship, people will assume that you are what you appear to be at that moment. It's pretty annoying.
But I think the best way to assert yourself is to TELL people. If you want someone to know you're bi, tell them.
As for validation, well, if mainstream society/the gay commmunity doesn't like it, screw them! (Ahahaha, yes I suppose I lead a lonely life ) But seriously, even within "intolerant" communtities, there are always gonna be a few individuals who are tolerant. So life doesn't have to be miserable. They're the ones you have to team up with if you want to make a change.
Do recognize that many of us who are bisexual aare in monogamous realtionships or marriages. I've been bisexual for as long as I've been sexual, and I've found that whether or not I'm happy or satisfied has but squat to do with "getting a little of everything."
Some folks are happier with multiple partners, others aren't and that usually has more to do with your relationship style, your personality and your lifestyle than with your orientation.
Yeah, I feel your pain. It's funny, some non-hetero's are talking about accetance and discrimination, but then they are prejudice against bisexuals. A few lesbians have been bitter about bi's because they felt that we were "accepted" more by the straight society, because we could always go find a partner of the opposite sex. Some guys I know won't date bi's because they say "it's worse for your girlfriend to leave you for a girl than for a guy" (I really wish I was kidding, I'm not!) Other people think that you're just "confused" (especially if you're a teenager!)
Now I just ignore it. If they're not going to accept me fine, if they are then wonderful but why should I care what they think? It still bothers me that people are so judging of other people. Such silliness, what was ever accomplished from judging people unfairly? NOTHING!
Edited because: apparently I can't type ------------------ Brittany Scarleteen Advocate
This person is a natural product. The slight variations in color and texture enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.
[This message has been edited by Pixie69 (edited 03-03-2001).]
I can relate to that! although my media and english teachers both know about my sexuality, and my media teacher is very supportive and a regular at mardi gras (he's straight) some kids in my school are homophobic. I tend to tell almost everyone I meet I am bi, not right away but if they prove themselves. One knew girl found out and she is homophobic - I don't especially like her but I would prefer she knew. We are doing documentarys in media and my freind annan and I (he's gay), Lisa (the homophobe), and micheal are making one on how homosexuality i percieved in schools. It is going to be a bunch of interveiws and we are tight for time. We only have 4 mins but 10 mins would be ideal. we got a nem digital video editor too so it should be in the bag. Talk about getting sidetracked :P
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Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001
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Cool idea for a project. I was going to write my final civ paper on gay rights through history but then I realize that such a topic might not go over well at my school. I am gonna write it about Arthurian legends, but there was a topic here wasn't there? Oh yes, biphobia, I can't exactly sympathize but I agree that many people don't truly understand what bisexuality is. So many misconceptions, so little time to correct them in.
Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000
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My girlfriend is bisexual, as is one of my best male friends...I'm starting to wonder if my group of friends is odd, because if they have a problem with anyone, it's me. Not the overly flamboyant gay man who is a good friend, not the bisexual woman and man who are central figures in our "friend-web", but me, the little lesbian in the corner. As such, I've encountered plenty of lesbophobia (did I just create a word?), but NO gayguyphobia or biphobia. Odd...but in a good way (I can handle fighting my own battles...)
Posts: 140 | From: Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Registered: Feb 2001
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That's unfortunately true all too often, Mia. I actually find that over time, that gets a bit better, from people around you seeing what it measn to be bisexual (read: not a non-stop sex-party), and understanding that it's an orientation like any other.
And Laughs, have you visited http://www.technodyke.com? It's a wonderful site, run by a wonderful friend, and I write there foten. Really neat and ingenious place for lesbian or bisexual women.
Well, I think that it is important to remember there is a relatively large bi community out there. We are not always isolated from the gay community, nor rejected form the mainstream. We have the capability to I guess blend in where we choose, so if we need to be accepted, we can. I personally would not choose to do that because it is not being honest with who I am, but it is a possibility for someone who needs to be a part of the community.
I find that when you are in a relationship, you generally face acceptance by the group appropriate for that relationship (i.e. If I were with a girl, the straight community would accept me) whereas you face the possibility of rejection by the "other side." I don't like to steroetype like that, and I try not to do it, because I know it is not true of all the members of those groups, but I think that is the best I can explain it for this situation.
Posts: 9 | From: Niagara University, NY, USA | Registered: Mar 2001
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