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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » My Mother + My sexuality = uh oh

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Author Topic: My Mother + My sexuality = uh oh
Member # 2490

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Last summer the day before my birthday (and my mom & dad's former anniversary) I told me Mom I was Bi. First thing she did was totally go off and tell me I need counseling and I'm confused. My Mom's generally a cool mom, and she is in NO WAY prejudice towards lesbians, gays, or bisexuals. I don't think that she accepts the fact that her little girl likes females as well as males, though. The whole thing really calmed down until I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months. Lately she asks me how come I haven't been talking to any guys, or never tell her about my new crush or whatever. Last night in the car I asked her why she wanted to know about my crushes so bad and she said "I just wanted to know if it was male or female" really mean-like. I got really mad. I wish my Mom would just get off my back...and tips on making her understand? This is who I am, I've accepted it myself since I was 12 years old, and she needs to do so too.


Scream Life.

"Just my soul fly free, and let me be what my god wants me to be. Just let my soul fly free, and let me see the great things I'm supposed to see." Soulfly "Fly High"

Posts: 27 | From: Michigan | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1515

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I think that its hard for parents to understand where you are coming from, expecally if they never had those feelings about a same-sex person. My parents told me if I told them I was gay, they would be dissapointed, but it doesnt mean that they dont love me. Im not gay or Bi I was just telling you that little story.

I think that you should give your mom some time to absorb the fact that your bi. It might take some time, but she loves you and cares about you, and she will come around. Im sure.

Its the best feeling in the world to know that somebody loves you more then anything in the world! *~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

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Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2622

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As for your mother, I know where you're coming from. I'm bi as well. I've had a girlfriend for nearly a year now and I came out to my parents about 3 months into the relationship when I was sure. My mother was generally supportive if not accepting, but my father accused me of being indecisive and that people are born either gay or straight, there isn't a middle point. When I tried to explain to him he wouldn't let me. Just rolling his eyes and making nasty comments about everything I said while not listening. Well for the last year I've put up with the nasty little remarks, the side-glances and such. My parents are generally supportive when it comes to anything. But as you said, they can't imagine they're darling little girl anything other than what they're always dreamed you'd be. Situations like that shatter their illusion. Given time my parents have realized the situation wasn't going to go away, it wasn't a phase and that it was a part of me, except for the occasional snide remarks mainly because they just don't like my girlfriend herself. It's almost like the word "girlfriend" isn't uttered in our home. It takes time really for the information to sink in I think. You might possibly try sitting down and talking with your mother rationally. Tell her how you came about to this realization. I have to say by having a long conversation with my mom really seemed to help straighten things out. She understands where I'm coming from.

Parents are really only the first step in the journey though. For some it's a long hard road. Good luck.


The oldest and strongest emotion of Mankind is fear. The oldest and strongest type of fear, is the fear of the Unknown.

Unknown Author

If we watch with an open eye, we're more likely to stand with open arms......

Written by me

Posts: 2 | From: Buckley, WA - United States | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 168

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Also keep in mind that while you may have been okay with your sexuality since you were twelve, your mother hasn't had that time. You most likely spent a little while struggling with it and not being okay with it. Then eventually you learned to accept and even enjoy your sexual orientation. You mother on the other hand just recently found out about it. It was sort of just dumped on her without any realization moment. She will probably just need some more time to adjust to it. Eventually she will probably accept it as you do.

Limes Are Sublime

Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2297

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I only recently came out to my mum, so not enough time has elapsed for her to get upset over something but she wrote me a very supportive email (it is posted in the other gaydar section). It took me awhile to get the courage to tell her and after I did I got butterflies but it feels as if nothing has changed between us. I can understand her wanting to know your crushes but IMO you have no obligation to tell her anything. Give her some time and things will most likely sort themselves out.
Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pride and beauty
Member # 2824

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I have known I was different from the time i was about 10. I didn't know in what way, but i knew I was. When I was 13, I started to feel very attracted to both guys and girls. I was a bit scared at first, but worse, I wouldn't accept myself. I'm 15 now, and I have just recently accepted who I am. I told some friends, and they accepted me to. I know that once word gets around that I'm bi, a lot of people will support me, but others won't. As long as I beleive in myself, I have nothing to worry about. Except my parents. My mom isn't against it or anything, but we don't have that close of a relationship. My dad IS scared of homosexuality of all kinds, however. This poses a problem for me. I want both of my parents to know, even if they don't accept me. But I don't want my father to hate me, and I don't know how to tell my mother. I want to be the person to tell her and my father before anyone else does. Please help me.

Love is like playing the piano. At first you play by the rules, and then you throw the rules away, and play formt he heart.

Posts: 2 | From: Buffalo, NY 14224 | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2602

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"It's better to be hated for what you are then to be loved for what you're not."
Posts: 5 | From: Georgia,USA | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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