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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » VERY confused

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Author Topic: VERY confused
Member # 1641

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I need help, because this is driving me crazy. I am in the most wonderful relationship with my boyfriend of almost 2 years, and things couldn't be better. I recently started taking birth control pills, and I also went away to school (about an hour away) and I can see him only on weekends). But things are great between us. What is bothering me is that I feel sexually attracted to women. I guess I always have, but ever since I got to school it has been REALLY bothering me. And its not women I know, its just those in movies or on TV. I love my boyfriend with all my heart, and I enjoy having sex with him (ALOT!). So what does this mean? Also, sometimes I would fantasize about women having sex (I wasn't involved!) The thought of myself w/ another woman kinda makes me sick. I just want to know if anyone else feels this way? And does this make me gay or bisexual, or is it normal? Help me please! It is driving me crazy.
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Member # 406

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Okay, you love your boyfriend, so you definetly like guys. But you're attracted to women which means you may or may not be bisexual. Considering the thought of you and another girl makes you feel uncomfortable, but the thought of two women turn you on, I'm thinking that perhaps the women you have crushes on are females you admire. A while ago (I was kind of in denial about being bi, and I'm not saying you are in denial) I started a thread asking if any other girls fantasised about girls when they masturbated. Guess what? Tons did! Even the straight ones. So it is perfectly normal. Just like it is perfectly normal to be gay, bi, lesbian, queer, or whatever label you want to give yourself. So don't beat yourself up over it so much, eh?


I'm the good girl that everyone thinks is a bad girl pretending to be a good girl :D

Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33

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ooh, Pixie, hold your horses.

<approaching blanket statement>

"Okay, you love your boyfriend, so you definetly like guys..."

I've found that some people identify themselves as primarily gay or lesbian, but have had *ONE* dramatic romantic interest of the opposite sex, and no others.

kinda weird, but I'm in this position myself, I'm realizing.

anybody else?


Posts: 3156 | From: Austin, Texas | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1659

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Yeah...I know how you guys feel. I'm 14, and I run with the popular clique...and I love all my friends dearly but NOT in that way. But I've actually had another girl lover--its the weirdest thing, because I'm sexually turned on by guys more, except for that ONE case. I dont think I could have a relashinship (romantic, that is) with another girl. So I'm not sure if that makes me bi or not.

But really, who give a flying f*ck? I've got my whole life to have fun and figure it out!

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parasite eve
Member # 1737

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Gurl, I know exactly how u feel. Don't worry, u are not alone in this. I also find myself attracted to girls, but I desire relationships w/ guys. The idea of me w/ another woman makes me sick, but two women together is okay to me. I went through a porn stage and that was actually my fav. thing to watch. and same-sex attraction didn't really start bothering me until i went away to school too. so the only advice i can give you, since i'm just about as confused as u are, is not to sweat it. I still consider myself normal, so u should too. and we're at that age when everything feels funny, so just wait it out and see what happens. u may be pleasantly surprised no matter what the outcome is

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 06-23-2002).]

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Old Navy Luvr 4 Ever
Member # 1845

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I also think that i am normal,but at the same time i don't know if i'm straight or not, when i was younger i found some of my dads porn videos and enjoyed watching them a lot. and i like seeing pictures of breast. so i guess what my real question is... what am i? straight,bi,les?what?
please help me too!

Posts: 5 | From: california,usa | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1515

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Oringinally posted by Hanne in the sexpert files:
The only person that can answer that question is you. There are no hard-and-fast rules for what makes someone gay, stright or bisexual, what you *feel* is the really inportant thing here.

Just looking at pornography isnt going to make you be anything...I mean look at a cook book doesnt make you a chef, and looking at picutures of people being sexual can't *MAKE*
you be anything, except aroused, if thats the kind of thing that arouses you.

If you find yourself feeling women are sexual and romantically attractive to you and that men are sexually and romantically attractive to you as well, then probably for lack of a better definition, you can just consider yourself to be inline toward being bisexual.

"The first time I saw you, I knew that I would fall for you, & now that were together, our love will last forever!!" -By: The person I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!!

[This message has been edited by glitter695 (edited 10 November 2000).]

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Member # 1955

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Okay I am bi and I know how you feel to a tea, But I was bi, you may not be. You for sure love your boyfriend so there are no doubts there. But feeling this way about women is normal, and you are just very cerious, and even more now that you are away from your boyfriend. I also find women are very more open to things. Please dont worry, just relax, its natural, :O)
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Member # 713

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You are whatever you say you are. Labels are just a convenient (or sometimes not so convenient) way to denote approximately where on the spectrum of sexual orientation you fall -- they aren't neat little categories with strict boundaries.


Being attracted to women on TV and in the movies doesn't seem to be too uncommon among straight females, at least from what I've seen. For one, women in the movies and on TV do look good. They're generally attractive and pleasing to look at. If there's an emotional aspect to your attraction, another thing to consider is that it's easy to get a crush on or be attracted to someone you don't know -- you don't see most of their flaws. This is particularly true of celebrities (unless they're the sort that end up with their names splashed across the tabloid headlines regularly, their bad behavior in large print for the world to see), because they have public images to maintain, and try to keep the media from seeing their unpleasant aspects.

About the fantasy -- well, it's fantasy, and not real. Plenty of straight girls fantasize about women having sex together. I have fantasies about women and men having sex, and I wouldn't want to actually have sex with a man. My fantasies don't make me straight, and yours alone don't make you gay.

Old Navy Luvr --

Specifically about your comment about liking to look at breasts: human bodies can be lovely to look at. I've heard of straight women who like looking at breasts. Heck, I like looking at them, and I'm asexual (that is to say, not attracted to either sex and made slightly ill by the thought of actually having sex with someone). Being gay or bi is more than just enjoying porn or liking to look at pictures of breasts.

Posts: 266 | From: Portland, Oregon | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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