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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » If Everyone Thinks.....

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Author Topic: If Everyone Thinks.....
Member # 1423

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It appears that most people I know believe that I am Lesbian. And no one is afraid to tell me that they think I am. This includes my mother and her friends. Some of whom identify themselves as Lesbian and claim to have found me the perfect woman.
I have no idea what to tell them as I am still trying to sort out just who I am.
I grew up in an environment where sexuality and nudity were never taboo subjects, and because of this I have never felt a need to engage in homophobia joking or teasing etc... This could possibly be why some people suspect (isn't that a nasty word) that I am Lesbian.
I know I have been attracted to males and females but it really confuses me when I have so many people either assuming/asking/telling me that I am Lesbian.
I guess what I would like people to comment on is whether they think I should take this large group of peoples observations into consideration.

Posts: 2 | From: Geneva, Switzerland | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 100

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Hm. Would you take it into consideration if people around you told you that they knew for certain what your favorite food was, and they said it was something that actually *wasn't* your favorite food? Would you feel like you had to take other people's word for it if they told you that your favorite kind of music was something other than what it really is? Probably not, right?

Just because other people think you are a lesbian doesn't make you so. Other people don't get to choose these things for us. Only YOU can possibly know to whom you are attracted -- whether it is women primarily, men and women both, men primarily, or whether it changes over time. It's not a democratic process. Other people don't get to vote on what turns you on or what you find attractive.

While it's great that you have such a non-homophobic and accepting community around you, insisting that a person is a lesbian when they aren't necessarily a lesbian is really just as silly and just as offensive as insisting that someone is heterosexual when they aren't. You are what you are. No one else gets to decide what label fits you best -- and you may even decide that there is NO label that fits you best, and that's fine, too.

Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!

Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 713

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I'll offer up a little anecdotal evidence as to why you shouldn't base your sexual identity on what other people say.

In high school, some of my classmates were under the impression that I was a lesbian. Only one of them went out and said this to my face, but still, the rumors circulated. My own family seems to be entertaining the idea -- the question they occasionally pose of whether or not I have a boyfriend yet is followed by them wondering (only half seriously, admittedly) if I have a girlfriend. Why all this? Because I've shown no interest whatsoever in guys. I've shown no interest in girls either, but some people assume that I must be a closeted lesbian. The reality of the situation, though, is that I'm exactly as I appear: I'm not attracted (thus far) to either men or women. I tentatively identify as asexual (for lack of a better term).

Now, my situation is different than yours, but it goes to show that people can be incorrect. My sexual orientation is what it is and what I decide to label it, and no amount of people saying that I'm a lesbian can change that.

[This message has been edited by Lynne (edited 02 October 2000).]

Posts: 266 | From: Portland, Oregon | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1423

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Thank you both for your imput. You are right about the fact that I shouldn't seriously consider other peoples ideas about who I am. But having such a large group of people believe that I am Lesbian just made me wonder if they were seeing something that I wasn't. And to be perfectly honnest even after your responses I am still wondering.
Posts: 2 | From: Geneva, Switzerland | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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As a funny aside, in my mothers family, I was targeted as the "lesbian" (apparently each family can only have one) from day one.

Now, I knew I was bisexual from the get-go, but I also knew that my main attraction in long-term partners tended to be men.

Now, as I'm 30 and married to a man, I'm still the one considered the family "lesbian" even though it is in fact my mother who has been living with her girlfriend for years at this point. Go figure!

I figure I do the whole family a favor by allowing them to label me, thus sparing everyone else.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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