My mother left my father for another woman when I was twelve years old. I really adjusted to it quite well and soon began to think of this new woman as a second mom. However, my father since then as become extremely homophobic and he used to ask me if I liked my new father. I don't blame my dad for this because I understand that my mom hurt him really bad, and in the last 8 years he has really come to terms with it. The problem is that my fiance really likes my moms yet he shows signs of great homophobia sometimes. I lived in a small town growing up and kept my mothers' lifestyle a secret for many years. I lied to my closest friends and said they were just roomates. Finally I told my best friend and she accepted it just fine, and then after being with my boyfriend a month I told him and he said that he already guessed it. Then finally my senior year in high school I gave a speech about LGBT rights in my government class and that is how the rest of my friends found out. Anyways now that everyone knows and I don't have to hide it, I don't want to worry about my boyfriend. He makes some mean comments sometimes that remind me of what my father used to say, and just last night he was saying that he didn't want his kids to be gay. He said that he would still love them, but he would lose much respect for them. I love this man more than anything, but I am worried that this may tear us apart. Any advice or consolations???
Posts: 130 | From: Berkeley, CA, USA | Registered: Jun 2000
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Lisa is right, sunflower, and you have my sympathy for being in such a tough spot. And on the comisseration level, ym mother has lived with her female partner for years, so I understand (though I'm the only "out" one in the family, so the conservatives on her side of the family like to finger me instead, and all the shock and outrage about anyone in the family got all used up on me, so no one really cares<g> ).
But the point is, no one "chooses" to be gay, just like no one "chooses" to be homosexual. Having a lack of respect for someone because of their orientation is just like disrespecting someone because of their race: it's nothing we can choose.
It may help for him not only to meet more GBLT folks, but simply to get better educated on the whole thing. Send him to Gaydar. There are also a few links in there for gay families that may be of some help to you.
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