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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Real vs. Fake Lesbians

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Author Topic: Real vs. Fake Lesbians
xxKristii17
Activist
Member # 62155

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What signs/vibes do you get when a woman is pretending to be a Lesbian and is it easy for you to spot people like that? ..

(If you need more information, please feel free to ask.)

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I love you Steph. <3

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I do think this question needs some more information. What do you mean by this? Someone saying they are lesbian to someone else but knowing for sure, for themselves, they're not?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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xxKristii17
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Yes, like pretending that you're a lesbian when you are really not.

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I love you Steph. <3

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Heather
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Just to be clear: you mean when the person KNOWS, for sure, they really are not?

I'm asking that because someone else's ideas of if someone is "really" lesbian or not are often something different from someone's own feelings and criteria for their orientation.

I'm also asking because I'm having a hard time envisioning situations in which a woman would be pretending to be a lesbian and what you mean by that. Do you mean someone says they are to someone when they know, for sure, they are not? Or something else? Maybe a concrete example of this would be helpful?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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xxKristii17
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I mean exactly what you asked.

A woman KNOWS she is not a Lesbian but plays the part (mainly for attention).

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I love you Steph. <3

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Has this woman said she's doing that for attention, and that she does know she's not lesbian? In other words, how do you know that's her motive and how do you know she's sure she's not lesbian?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kachina
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What do you mean "plays the part"? Like, she has sex with or dates other women but doesn't actually want to? I'm confused.

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~Kat
Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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kasanew
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She means the girl says she's a lesbian but isn't actually attracted to girls and won't go out with them. She only says she's a lesbian for the attention.

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wank3r

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CoatRack
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I guess I haven't ever run into this situation, which is strange because I have been around the queer community for 12 years now.

Certainly I know people who have experimented - women who have dated a few women or possibly had sex with a woman or two before deciding that they are more physically and sexually attracted to men. Sometimes those women then identify as bisexual and sometimes they identify as straight.

Experimentation is totally normal and totally healthy. Sometimes people who are confused or uncertain about their sexual orientation will lie about it so that their experimentation seems like less of a "big deal" to other people around them. It may seem safer to just say you were "joking" or "pretending" than to say you were actually wondering if you were interested in women. Does that make sense?

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Hey folks, my name is Andrew and I was a mod here for awhile a couple years ago. I'll be here for a couple weeks while Heather is out and the site is even more short-staffed than usual

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September
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So when you say someone is pretending to be a lesbian, is this an assumption you've made based on the fact that you haven't seen her date, or is this something she's explicitly told you she does?

I guess I'm still a little confused as to how to figure out that someone is "faking" their sexual identity.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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