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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Chances of being a Lesbian - I'm not sexually attracted to guys *only emotionally*?

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Author Topic: Chances of being a Lesbian - I'm not sexually attracted to guys *only emotionally*?
xxKristii17
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Okay. I used to date men online which is where the emotional attraction comes to play.

When it came to having my first 'actual' relationship, I felt sick to my stomach and could not even hold his hand. I would do everything I possibly could do avoid being near him. Even seeing him made me feel like I had to throw up right then and there. My father said it was butterflies *I felt disgusted knowing my parents wanted me to have sex with him.* I went through the same thing with another guy except we made out and and got things going on a little--but when he pulled down his pants, I hesitated and didn't want to go further (it felt wrong) and I couldn't deal with looking at his pen*s. It disgusts me how they move, stroke, etc.

Now 7+ months later, I find myself happy with the woman of my dreams. We have been dating for 5 months so far and I never felt something so passionate. When we do sexual activities, I enjoy and get aroused by the slightest touch and tease she puts on me and I cannot get enough of it; I constantly crave for her vag*na more and more. Things have never felt so perfect, everything seems to fit and fall into place when we are together. I knew I liked women since I was 9 years old and having this experience with my current girlfriend made some changes to who I am--ever since I started dating her, I no longer have interest in men (emotionally, physically and sexually).

What do you think? .. I'm pretty sure I'm a Lesbian. I just want your opinion on how accurate my thought is. [Smile] Thank youuu.

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I love you Steph. <3

Posts: 53 | From: Halifax | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
loststone
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Hey Kristii,

I hear you saying that you're very definitely romantically and sexually attracted to your girlfriend, and that you have experienced attraction to women from a young age. I also hear you saying that you're not entirely sure about identifying as a lesbian because you have experienced emotional attraction to men before, is that right?

Can you clarify about your attraction to men: when you were emotionally attracted to men, was this romantic in nature? Or were you more interested in them as friends? Have you ever been physically/sexually attracted to men?

If you were romantically interested in men before, and have only stopped feeling that attraction since being in your relationship; it could simply be that being in the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship has meant you aren't interested in anyone other than your girlfriend. Would you say you are attracted to other women, or is it only attraction to men that has stopped?

On the other hand, most of us grow up assuming we must be straight because we have always been told that we are straight. So it's possible that the attraction to men you felt before wasn't actually romantic/sexual in nature, but you labelled it as such because you were hearing all these messages saying you "should" be attracted to men. And now you subconsciously realise that it wasn't what you thought. Does that sound possible to you?

Now, these are only suggestions; you know what you're feeling best so don't take my ideas as the only possibilities (because there definitely are other possibilities). But they're some things to think about.

You might also want to think about what calling yourself a lesbian means to you; we can't tell you whether you're a lesbian because it's totally up to you how you identify or self-define. If you want to call yourself a lesbian and ignore the questions I asked because you're only attracted to women now, that's fine too.

Hope I could help.

Posts: 134 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
xxKristii17
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Thank you for your response.

I have never been romantically interested in men. I know sex with a man is the 'natural' way of things but even when I try to fantasize about it.. my mind would always be on the female: How she moved, what she did, the moans she made, etc. I find nothing physically or sexually attractive about the male body--I do not get excited when I see a guy shirtless. Basically, I look at men more of emotional supporting rather than sexual/romantic relationships.

I used to have crushes on guys but now that I'm with my girlfriend all of that interest has gone away. I only see guys as friends and feel as though my feelings for women have gotten stronger day by day (that I no longer have urges, wants or needs from the opposite gender).

--------------------
I love you Steph. <3

Posts: 53 | From: Halifax | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
loststone
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Not a problem.

Sounds like you're only romantically and sexually attracted to women, and are only interested in men as friends. Lesbian sounds like a good label for you if that's what you want to use.

Just FYI, sex with a woman is no less "natural" or "normal" than sex with a man. If you are only sexually interested in women, it is "natural" for you to have sex with women. Just because heterosexual relationships are the most common form of romantic/sexual relationship it doesn't make them more natural, or better, than same-sex or other queer relationships.

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xxKristii17
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Okay.

Since you're here, could you answer another question? ..

You see.. I have HSV-1 (on the mouth) and am scared to transmit to my or my partners genital region. We are going to use condoms after I had a recent outbreak but I am not sure how we can protect ourselves when doing Tribalism? .. would you have any ideas? [Smile]

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I love you Steph. <3

Posts: 53 | From: Halifax | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
loststone
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Glad I could help, feel free to ask if you have any other questions about calling yourself a lesbian.

Assuming you only have HSV-1 on your mouth, you cannot transmit it from an uninfected part of your body (i.e. your genitals) to anyone else; so tribadism holds no direct risk.

However if you have an active sore on your mouth you could transmit it by direct contact (e.g. kissing, oral sex) or indirect contact (e.g touching your active sore with your hand then performing manual sex). You can prevent transmission by refraining from sexual contact during/before an outbreak and practising barrier methods of protection (using dental dams, condoms etc).

Have you checked out this article yet:
The STI Files: Herpes

Posts: 134 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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