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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Could I possibly have a chance with prettier girls than me?

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Author Topic: Could I possibly have a chance with prettier girls than me?
Ste-Funnie
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Hi. I have pretty good self-esteem for myself. Normally, I look pretty for myself, not for someone else. The problem is, I have one part of my self-esteem that is low. Let's put it this way. Beauty is like how steak is cooked. Well done= Beautiful, super-hot, sexy etc., Medium-Well=Pretty, beautiful but average, Medium=Average, Medium-Rare=Not pretty. Okay, see, the point is, I wonder if when it comes to dating if there are limits. Almost like in segregation times, you could only date people your own race, well, I'm wondering if, say, I'm "medium-well" (pretty and beautiful but average), and I was looking around on a dating site (don't worry, no account! my mom knows!) I saw this totally hot chick there. She's a model and she had pics of her modeling, and you know, showing off, and she totally turned me on, and I could look at her all day. I thought, "OMG! I can't wait till I'm old enough for this site!" She is a lesbian, so that's one way I'd have a chance w/ her. I only have another year. I'm 17 next week. I'll be 18 next year. The only problem is, I.d.k. if it's like totally common that, well, that steaks will only date other steaks that are cooked the way they are. She did only show her modeling pics, and when you do, they do all your hair and make up. It didn't show how she looked not modeling. Oh! FYI, it not just about her. I just wanna know if every hot and sexy girl (model or not; lesbian) will turn me down just b/c I'm not well one like her and like, you know, will they automatically think I don't "match" them? Are there hot n' sexy (well done) people out there who are willing to date pretty but average (medium well) people, or are they like, "segregated". (Not legally).

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know that standards of beauty aren't universal, right?

In other words, your idea of who is and isn't pretty/prettier/prettiest are just that: your ideas. And others, including others you find attractive, may or may not have the same idea or standards.

So, that makes a question like this almost impossible to answer, since it's kind of based on this idea that everyone shares the same aesthetics when everyone doesn't. I also don't think this is something sound to compare to people of different colors dating/marrying during segregation, as that was something very culturally, even legally, enforced and which often carried some very severe social consequences, especially for people of color.

That said, will people date others who, by their own ideas, they feel are more or less attractive than they themselves are? Sure. Will some people not do that? Yep. But all of this is very individual, based on each person. You can't know how this girl herself feels about any of this and we certainly couldn't tell you or predict that, not having talked to her about it ourselves.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ste-Funnie
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Well, when I said something about segregation, well, I meant will people be judgmental. I know you just answered my question, but the fact is, I meant nuttin' racist. I just get worried sometimes that if I like a super hot girl, well not jus' 1 girl, but every girl, all bc im average.

Plus, I saw on "iCarly" where Gibby, who is very nerdy was dating a super hot girl named Tasha. His friends said "There's gotta be something wrong with that chick" just cuz she's pretty and dating an average guy.

So you're saying I could have a chance w/ a pretty girl?

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I really think you need to try to remember that television, especially things like sitcoms, aren't a good place to get sound or realistic information, okay?

What I'm saying is that anyone could potentially have a chance to have a relationship with anyone, ultimately, and that people's criteria for who they do and don't want to date is very individual. Not only is it usually not just based on how people look, in that regard, like every other, people are incredibly diverse.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Captain Girl
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quote:
Originally posted by Ste-Funnie:
[QB]
Plus, I saw on "iCarly" where Gibby, who is very nerdy was dating a super hot girl named Tasha. His friends said "There's gotta be something wrong with that chick" just cuz she's pretty and dating an average guy.

That's awfully shallow. It says some really awful things about both average guys and pretty girls. Let me defend the pretty girl: being conventionally attractive does NOT make you incapable of appreciating the deeper qualities of the people around you. (Plus, as someone who's romantic life has been entirely geek-centered: there is really nothing so sweet as a good-natured person who engages enthusiastically with their life and gets your jokes.)

I'm suspicious of online dating profiles consisting entirely of modeling shots. Those pictures are often publicly available and can be lifted from the model's or the photographer's site without much effort. So the profile with the awesomely hot lesbian model pics may, in fact, have been written by someone who lives under a rock in their mother's basement.

Before getting too excited by anyone's online dating profile, take a look for clues as to whether the profile is genuine. Profile photos that are all professionally posed shots of one person (or only a few people), and bios that read like the bio of a Playboy Bunny are red flags for fakery. Candid shots of a person doing things in public or with groups of other people are green flags. None of these is proof that a profile is real or fake, but they are strong grounds for suspicion.

Finally, looking at and fantasizing about beautiful people is something that very nearly all people do. It's how humans are wired. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the view, and whatever thoughts come into your head while you look at it.

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Heather
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I think those are some great additional comments.

I'd also add, bouncing off of that, that a lot of people forget that many people whom others deem the prettiest or the most attractive and then behave as if they're untouchable -- due to an idea no one else is good-looking enough -- voice feeling awfully lonely and isolated sometimes, as well as being insulted by the idea that because other people are judging them by only or mostly their appearance, they'll do the same.

There's a great line around this in Ani DiFranco's song "32 Flavors," which is: "god help you if you are an ugly girl/course too pretty is also your doom/cause everyone harbors a secret hatred/for the prettiest girl in the room."

Good stuff around perceptions like this in the whole piece, really.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Djuna
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Hi there Ste-Funnie, I know this thread is a week or so old, but I thought I'd chime in. When I was reading your steak metaphor, I got confused at first because I like my steak rare, haha. And I realised, actually, that's a pretty good example of how people think of beauty, too.

People's tastes honestly do vary. Some people like steak rare, even bloody (heck yes [Smile] ), some like it well done. And steak isn't a single scale of doneness - different people like different cuts of steak, or sauces, or dressed up with different salads (or none at all) or different kinds of potatoes, or none.

I realised lately that that definitely applies to beauty. Some people want conventionally attractive partners; for others, that's a chore. Some people want a partner who looks similar to themselves; some want someone completely different. Some people like butches, some like femmes. Some people want a partner who's built heavily, some people want a partner who's thin, and so on.

I don't think it necessarily follows that people want a partner who they perceive to be "as attractive" as themself, either. It might do, for some people - and yeah, on TV that gets expressed a lot - but equally, a lot of people really like being "the pretty one" in a relationship, for example. Or maybe two people feel like they're different kinds of cute (say nerdy cute and porn-star cute) and that means they each have room to feel beautiful without feeling that one of them is more beautiful.

I don't know if what I'm saying sounds mushy, but the whole singular construct of beauty that gets shown on TV isn't the only thing people like - it's just the only thing we're told to like, and masses of people don't like doing as they're told. [Smile]

(Also, that Ani DiFranco song is fricken awesome. "This Bouquet" off the same album is great too, if you don't know it yet.)

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In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.

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