Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » In love with my best friend

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: In love with my best friend
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 11 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Im in love with my best friend but she doesnt feel the same way.. I cant let her go for the life of me what should i do??
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Are you dating in general? In other words, are you trying to consider or get to know others as possible romantic relationships, or just focusing on this one person who doesn't have that interest?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The problem is i want to date others yes but its hard because im not an outgoing girl like the way i want to be.. Soo its hard for me to talk to other guys nd girls
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, maybe the answer right now is that you want to try and work a little on your social skills. That'll help you in future relationships anyway, and it'll give you some places to invest your energy and time so you're not so focused on a relationship with someone they don't want.

Are you doing anything lately where you're involved in any kind of group or team? have you tried branching out lately with any kind of new collaborative project? Maybe even just making a couple new friends?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've made new friends.. But for groups and stuff only one but its with my friends and other people wont join because they think its nerdy but its truly not
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh, pshaw. Even if something IS nerdy, nerdy can be good and there are always folks who aren't afraid to fly their geek flag. [Smile]

So, with some of your new friends, are any of them up to maybe going to some sort of LGBT youth groups or gatherings with you to help you meet some new people?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well i dont even no where i would fin a LGBT here.. No one really talks about those types of meetings soo i dont know if we have one
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Here's a map of PFLAG chapters in Florida: http://www.pflag.org/map/index.php?state=FL

What you can do is find the one closest to you, then email them and ask for referrals to LGBT youth groups. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
oh my gosh thank you soo much heather you are truly amazing and i dont say that about anyone
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Than I'll take it as a high compliment! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hahaha you should.. Trust me.. But can ask you something that doesnt have anything to do with this or do i have to start a new topic???
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's fine to just add on to this one if you'd like.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I remember we talking about my abuse and stuff like before and i cant remember excatly but did you say your were sexual abused as well??
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I was. I was abused when I was 11, then gang-assaulted at 12, and have also had experiences with date rape and attempted date rape. If you want to ask me questions about that, I'm fine with talking about it.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
OK.. How did it feel the first time you were abused?? What was going through your mind??
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Honestly, it's a little bit foggy for me at this point since that was 30 years ago.

But most of what I remember is feeling very shocked and confused and scared. I didn't understand what was going on, and I also didn't understand why I felt so frozen, unable to get myself out of there when what was going on was clearly not okay. I should mention that 30 years ago, we didn't really have the kind of talk in the world about sexual abuse and assault, so I didn't have language for what was going on or any kind of understanding about it, I just knew whatever it was, it wasn't okay, and couldn't figure out why it was happening to me.

When I was finally able to get out and walk home, I threw up several times in the alley the walk back. Again, I knew that whatever had just happened, it was not okay, I felt scared, I felt awful, I felt lost and confused.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I felt the same way.. I couldnt stop throwing up.. Everything was sore.. I felt disgusting.. I couldnt look at myself in the mirror until i turned 15.. My father sexual abused all through my childhood.. It started when i was at least 4 1/2 and it hurts to know that it was him.. Someone thats suppose to protect from the certain thing but instead did it themselves
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My sexual abuse wasn't in my family, but it might help you to know that most of the time, rape and sexual abuse is something done to victims by people they know, often people closest to them, like partners or family members.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've written poems about him.. I cant let it go.. though i know it could help me in the long run to forgive him but i cant.. He even had other men rape me for money... So thats why its hard for me
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sexual abuse is going to be so hard for pretty much everyone: you don't need to feel like it's something only you struggle with. If forced prostitution was added to your abuse, that's additional trauma, so yet MORE reasons this is hard for you, not the only reason.

I'm not someone who puts focus on forgiving people who assault us or sees that as some sort of magical healing tool. If forgiveness eventually happens, it does. If it doesn't, I don't think that has to be a barrier to healing. And, perhaps most importantly, I don't think focusing on trying to forgive someone is likely to help much with healing and can even hold people back from healing. I think, when working to heal, the best focus is on ourselves.

Have you yet had any counseling at all around this? Did you ever report your abuse? If not, is that something you might want to do?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Im starting counseling next week.. I reported with my aunt... What is date rape?? Like i dont understand it
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Date rape is a term used -- and sometimes called acquaintance rape -- where someone is assaulted by someone they are out on a date with, are dating, or already have some actual or possible romantic or sexual relationship with.

When I asked about reporting, I meant reporting to the police or social services.

That's great that you're starting counseling next week! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
well yes i reported it to the police but i did with my aunt because im more comfortable with her because she went through it too
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Did the police not connect you with services where you could get counseling and extra support? If not, please know they should have.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yea they did.. And thats why im starting counseling next week
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Awesome. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
What happened when your were gang assualted
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Because I'm just starting my workday, I don't want to retell my story with that with the grisly details right now, because doing that usually means I need a few hours to myself to deal with my own triggers and feelings when I drum up those details. I have a whole day of work to fit in today, so that just won't work with me.

At the same time, we probably can talk about what you're looking for in that kind of information, since I suspect just hearing the details of my gang assault probably won't offer you very much besides triggering you, too. So, maybe you can come up with the questions you had around that instead?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ok maybe another time.. But i guess how did turn into that situtation
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A group of young men came into where I was junior counseling for a community center and camp and tried to get me to go with them somewhere.

I refused, and when I left to go home that day, they attacked me and dragged me into their vehicle.

But I think the important answer with a question like that is this: it turned into that situation because the people who attacked me decided to attack me, and that's going to be the case for any assault victim of any kind, anywhere. In other words, it's not about where we were, what we did, what we were wearing: it's about anyone deciding to assault or attack us. That is how assault and abuse turns into assault and abuse. Know what I mean?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes i know.. Did you ever report it even though it was back in the day where ya'll didnt have sources like we do today??
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I tried. The police came and would not file a report, and instead blew it off and blamed me. I was also not offered any kind of healthcare. I'm incredibly lucky that I healed on my own without it and did not wind up with a pregnancy or infection that went untreated or unrecognized, even though I did wind up with a minor long-term health issue because of it.

But that was much more typical 30 years ago than it is today, even though that does still happen to some people today, even with all the cultural changes we've had around rape.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Awww im really sorry they did that... But your strong own and i mean look at you.. Executicve Director and Founder Scarleteen.. I mean i look up to you now.. You really are something special
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well thanks, I appreciate that. [Smile] I worked hard on my own healing and my life, and while better help and response sure would have made that process move faster and be a lot easier, plenty of us can still survive the tough stuff even when we don't get the help we need.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dee
Activist
Member # 56776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
im doing poetry and all my friends think im amazing at it and that i should keep working at it.. Soo im going to see where it takes me
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3