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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » I feel like a piece of crap

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Author Topic: I feel like a piece of crap
Ste-Funnie
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Member # 50934

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I hung out with my "i-dont-know-what-to call-her" today. I am extremely worried about her. We're going to the aquarium on Sat. Her mom told my mom to be aware that she has secures sometimes. According to her it's rare that she'll have one when I see her b/c she's on medication, but I'm still scared and nervous. I was trying not to cry, not knowing how to deal with myself. I'm worried about her getting hurt. I just can't watch it happen to her. If I had to choose between dating her, or her being healed, I'd rather for her to be healed and safe. I don't care if we don't date. I really love her and all I want is for her to be safe. That's how much I love her. I'd give anything to take this away. I would even take her secures and I could have it instead of her. I barely know her, and I can't let her injuries keep it that way. Her twin sister has it too, but not as bad. Maybe I could wish that since her sister has a little bit, that I could take half of my gf's and she'll have a little and I'll have a little. That way they can have an equal amount.

Since you expect a question, my question is, how should I handle it if she gets the secure?

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Have you talked to your friend or her mother about her seizures? If not, I'd just let either of them know that you're concerned and nervous, and have them explain to you what a seizure looks like for her, and what you could do to help in case she does have one.

If she and her mother think it's okay for her to go along on this trip, then I am sure it is. They will know best what she can and cannot handle. And I'm sure they'll also understand your concerns and be happy to answer your questions.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You might also want to think about it this way: you have a disability. So does she. They're just different kinds. It might help to think about how you like others to be about your disability in working out your feelings around hers.

I don't know if the seizures she has are petit mol (little ones) or grand mol (big ones), but here's some simple information on what folks can do when someone is having a seizure: http://www.webmd.com/epilepsy/what-to-do-during-a-seizure

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ste-Funnie
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My mom is going to handle that stuff. But what I meant was, how can I emotionally handle it? What should I do to stay cool if it does happen? B/C Idk if I can even look at it.

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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That's what I meant when I talked about trying to see this through the lens of having your own disability. How do you feel like you want people to view yours?

However that is, I'd apply that to how you approach and treat hers.

I do want to check in with you, though, to make sure you understand how common seizure disorders are, and often how big a deal they aren't, health-wise and also on the emotional end to someone having seizures. And one thing that can make them a bigger deal than they are, or than someone with a seizure disorder wants them to be, is when someone MAKES a big deal out of them, or feels like they're this horribly painful thing (they're usually not), or something they need to look away from.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ste-Funnie
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I.d.k. what you mean by "That's what I meant when I talked about trying to see this through the lens of having your own disability. How do you feel like you want people to view yours?

However that is, I'd apply that to how you approach and treat hers."

Can u explain what u mean?

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Sure, let me try again.

You have a disability yourself. How do you like people to treat it and to treat you around it?

What ways people approach your own disability make you feel good, and what ways people approach yours make you feel bad? How do you think people can treat your disability in ways that are fair, kind and which also don't make you feel like all you ARE is someone with disability?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ste-Funnie
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Well, when I have symptoms, like talking too loud, what people do nicely is make a signal telling me to lower my voice. What people do that makes me feel like butt about myself, is say "shut up", or "why do u have to be so damn loud", and yell at me.

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kawani3792
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I used to have seizures sometimes-

I think first, remind yourself that she'll be okay. her mom is going to be there, yes? And her mom will know what to do. Going out with you isn't going to hurt her in any way...I know I used to have sort of a "trigger" for seizures, in that when I got angry I would hold my breath, and go into a seizure instead of passing out and coming to. But if her trigger is getting angry, then that's not likely to happen when she hangs out with someone she likes. If it's like epilepsy, where flashing lights and such can trigger a seizure...I've never seen strobe-lights at an aquarium. And if it's just a random thing, then it will definitely be unlikely if she is on medication to keep her from having them. So recognize before even going that this is very, very unlikely to happen, and that if it does, she will be fine. With a person who knows what to do around, it's more of an inconvenience. If she cares about you like you care about her, she'd be more concerned if it causes you issues.

If necessary, ask her what she'd like you to do in that event. You have a disability as well? So say something about "So, I'd like to get to know you a little better, and talk to you about me some. This is my disability, and this is how I'd want you to react if this happened. If you had a seizure, what would you want me to do? Hold your hand, get back so your mom can help, what?" and then if she says she would like you there near her, you can maybe take care of your worry and fear by going "Susie wants me to do this, I'm helping her by doing this. She doesn't want me to be afraid for her, and I really care about her, so I'm not going to be afraid."

And I think, using your response to what Heather suggested, what you dislike is sort of having people yell at you for something you can't control and making you feel bad because of it? And what Heather wanted to suggest was, maybe this girl feels the same way. So, maybe she doesn't like people making her feel bad because of something she can't handle. Again, if she likes you as much as you like her, she might feel bad for making you uncomfortable.

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Ste-Funnie
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Thanks, Kawani, and no, her mom won't be there, but my mom will be chaperoning.

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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