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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Straight girl, gay best friend

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Author Topic: Straight girl, gay best friend
Ohana626
Activist
Member # 56775

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I've got the best friend in the whole wide world. We get along great, we talk on the phone every day, we tell each other everything, and we truly love each other.
The problem is that he's gay, and I'm straight.
I liked him pretty much the day I met him. He was calling himself "bi" then, but came out to me a few months later. By that time we had become inseparable, and I had developed deep feelings for him. Him being gay doesn't make me care about him any less, but it's getting really painful. He knows how I feel about him, but he isn't upset about it or uncomfortable. I'm his best friend and he loves me like a sister.
What is hurting me so much is that I can't get over him. He's everything I want; funny, great actor/singer, gets along great with my parents, cares about me, and I'm severely physically attracted to him as well. I'm not mad at him or anything; it's obviously not his fault. And I feel bad that I like him because I don't want to ever put him in a bad place, but sometimes it hurts so bad I want to yell and scream and throw things and all that. I know the only thing to do is get over him, since he is gay and currently has a boyfriend, but it's easier said than done, especially since we talk every day. And I can't cut him out of my life because, liking him aside, we're best friends and rely on each other.
I was going to end this by asking "what should I do?"...but I suppose the only thing to do is get over him. I'm writing here though because I'm feeling like that is impossible at the moment. If anyone can help, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!

Posts: 187 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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Member # 35643

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Hi Ohana,

Sorry to hear that you're hurting so much, it's a really tough situation. I'm wondering what other good friends or close family members you have that you could talk to about this? What do you enjoy doing in your spare time that might help distract you a little? Is your best friend aware of your feelings for him at all?

There is a reply in the advice section of the site to a question which is very similar to yours. Have a read and see if it helps..
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/my_best_friend_just_came_out_to_me_but_i_was_in_love_with_him

[ 02-22-2011, 08:49 PM: Message edited by: eryn_smiles ]

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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Ste-Funnie
Activist
Member # 50934

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I feel your pain. I really do. I'm a lezz and I had a bff that was a girl and she was straight. She'd always talk about her guy crush and it would make me sick. Every time I hung out with her, and then she went home, I would be crying over her. I fell in love with a lot of girls who didn't love me back. I dealt with being heartbroken for a long time until I met someone who liked me and cared about me and she asked me out. Now I look back and realize that I wasn't really in love with them. And don't worry, it'll happen to u2 but with a guy. My mom always says "when you least expect it". You have nuttin' to worry about.

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ohana626
Activist
Member # 56775

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Well, my close friends (who happen to be friends of his too) and a few family members know, so I'm not alone. He does too. The very first time I met him, I joked to my friend that I wanted to "get in his pants"..and she told him. And he decided to use that against me (in a friendly way, of course) for a little while. Eventually (after he had come out) the subject came up about my real feelings, and I learned that he pretty much knew that I liked him anyway. And when I realized that he knew, it wasn't so hard to talk it out a bit. So he knows and I'm glad he does; not because I expect him to "come around" or anything, but because I know he's a good friend if he knows this and is willing to work with it. He talks to me about his boyfriends, but he understands if once in awhile, I just can't talk. But I always listen to him because I'm his friend before anything else, and I like how much he needs me.
The comfort I have in this situation is that although he doesn't love me romantically, he definitely does in a platonic way. He needs me in that way.
When it comes to liking someone, I usually like him until someone else comes along...or until I stop seeing him. Which means that I never learned to get over someone who I am best friends with. This is a first for me. And I know I'm lucky, because I will find someone eventually, and when I do, I'll have two guys who love me. It's just that right now, it's hard.
(sorry that was so long!)

Posts: 187 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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