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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » long-distance relationship advise PLEASE

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Author Topic: long-distance relationship advise PLEASE
mrudolph52
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Member # 50004

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So, I started using a lesbian dating website because I was tired of being alone and was having a really hard time meeting people here at the college that I attend. A girl started talking to me online one night, and ever since then, I can't get her off my mind. We have talked about absolutely everything and we have been talking for a few months now and I can say full-heartedly that I am completely in love with her, and she is in love with me. The biggest issue with our relationship is that she lives across the country. She had promised me to come visit me while i was on winter break from college, but she had family problems and was unable to visit me. Then she promised me the week after that she was going to come visit me and it still didn't happen. She finally decided to drive to me about a week ago and she claims that she is in my town, but I can never get ahold of her and every time she says that she wants to meet up, it seems like something gets in the way. Its almost like something is preventing us from actually meeting up. I have talked to her about all of this and she swears that it doesn't mean anything and that she is doing everything in her power to be with me, but it is really hard because it IS a long-distance relationship and I have put my life on hold to make this relationship work. I don't want to end things with her because I am SO in love with her and I know that love is hard to come by. We have had a rough time, we have cried on the phone countless times because the distance between us is so difficult, but I know she is in love with me. I recently came out to my family and they know about my relationship with her and they know how serious the relationship is, but they are really concerned, and I don't blame them. I just think I need to hear what somebody else thinks of all of this. I know I need to think with my head, but I really want to follow my heart too because I am so in love with her and I honestly can't imagine going back to living without her in my life. Nobody has ever made me feel the way she makes me feel. I am completely head over heels, and I have lost A LOT of friends because of her, mostly because my friends were not okay with me being gay. ugh. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me some feedback and advice, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Posts: 17 | From: Davis | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pumpkin_Pie
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Member # 5822

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I think (and I speak from experience) that when you're alone and lonely and you meet someone online that it can be extremely intense. You probably speak to this person at times when you speak to no one else (late at night etc) and online conversations can get very intimate very quickly as it doesn't feel as scary sharing your story with someone when you can't see them. Because you've never met the person it's very easy to idealise them and the situation and develop a sorta tragic romance complex about it (I mean no disrepect about that).

I would have major alarm bells ringing about this situation in terms of the risk it poses to you and your happiness - the fact that it's become so difficult to meet up with this girl is very suspicious IMO. What possible reason would she have to be in your town and not meet with you?

I would really caution you on the hype you've created around this girl having not met her yet - it is perfectly possible that you and her if and when you meet will have great chemistry and attraction but do you feel that maybe the expectations that have been created from your online relationship may pressurise you into a relationship that may not feel right in real life?

What exactly happened with your friends that you've lost because of her?

Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mrudolph52
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I completely understand what you are saying, I agree that it is suspicious that she supposedly has been in town for 2 days and I haven't yet met up with her. Part of me is happier than I have ever felt before because she makes me so happy when we talk and stuff. But part of me feels incredibly lonely and depressed almost because she is so far away.

As for my friends, they found out that I am gay and they are TOTALLY unaccepting, so when they found out that I am having a relationship with a girl, they simply couldn't handle it. My housemates that I am currently living with are all very homophobic, so I have to keep being gay a secret, which is kind of a big thing to hide.

Posts: 17 | From: Davis | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mrudolph52
Neophyte
Member # 50004

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I just wish this wasn't all so hard. We talk on the phone, text, talk online. She is all I think about, all I dream about, but I do feel like I have been very sad ever since I met her because of the distance. The reason she gives for not meeting up yet is that she is sick. She called me friday evening after I finished my last class and she said she was going to come pick me up and I waited around for her and she didn't come and then she called me crying that night saying that she got really sick. Since then, she has said that she is simply really sick, but I would think that if she was really sick, she would call or text me or want me to be with her or something. I just don't know. It really hurts. But I have thought about not having her in my life and that breaks my heart even worse, so I guess I just really don't know what to do. I'm so overwhelmed with emotions.
Posts: 17 | From: Davis | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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