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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Okay, Bad Problems.

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Author Topic: Okay, Bad Problems.
Member # 49994

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Hi, I am Shannon, I am currently extremely debating on whether to tell my dad whether I am gay or not. My mom and cousin know, but my mom seems very un-supportive, like she says that if I tell my dad that she won't tell him that she knows, because she doesn't want him to divorce her.

My home life makes me very unhappy, I am constantly worried because my dad could look on my computer and know I was gay. I have gotten so nervous that my hair is turning grey. You see, my dad is very homophobic and I know he would stop caring about me and send to one of those things to take the gay away. I want to move out of my house, but I don't want to hurt my little brother and my mom. But I have been on the verge of killing myself.

My mom has been depressed, and every time I do the tiniest thing I get yelled at. It would break her heart if I left, but I can't stand living in this house. A friend of mine said I could stay with her...what should I do?

I have a wonderful bunch of coconuts.

Posts: 28 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carpe Diem
Member # 47124

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Carpe Diem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Taking care of yourself first and making sure *you* are safe is most important in my opinion.

It sounds to me like coming out at this time to your homophobic father could be potentially detrimental to your wellbeing, so I would consider waiting until you no longer live in his house before you disclose this to him, unless you really feel like you need to tell him now.

It seems to me that your current living situation is far from ideal, so perhaps you should consider taking your friend up on her offer, even if it's only temporary. Of course, a lot of this depends on your age. Are you at the age where you can leave your parents legally?

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
-Joseph Campbell

Posts: 210 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Peer Ambassador
Member # 35643

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Hi Shannon,
I'm really sorry you're in such a tough spot at home. I agree with happybunny and don't think now sounds like the right or safe time to come out to your dad. If you've been on the verge of suicide, you really need to seek help, whether through calling a helpline or talking to a counsellor. Please keep yourself safe and hang in there, it won't be like this forever. Who else can you talk to about this for support?

You talk about hurting your mother and brother by moving, but we need to take care of ourselves properly before we can take care of anyone else. Staying with a good friend could be a good idea for now.

"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

Posts: 1326 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 34135

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Yes, it would be extremely helpful to find a counselor and a support system in your area. It's understandable you don't want to hurt your brother and mom by moving out, but you also need to take care of your own mental health. It worries me for you that you have been contemplating suicide and I think that finding support in your area is really important.

I would say at this moment it sounds like telling your dad is a risky situation.

I don't know if it is okay to post these here, but these were helpful for me:


And this one is a 24 hour GLBTQ crisis hotline-

Trevor Helpline: Crisis Intervention for LGBT Youth (800-850-8078)

Stay safe and know that there are people who support and care for you!

"And when everyone is super, no one will be."


Posts: 116 | From: Olympia, WA | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 56448

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I need help coming out of the closet to my family because well my mom and dad are homophobics

All is fair in love and war :)

Posts: 16 | From: Houston Texas | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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