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Author Topic: Girls Girls Girls?
Betty C.
Neophyte
Member # 39240

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Ok, well... i've known I was bisexual for years. Not just the 'I kissed a girl and I liked it' way. At the beginning I thought it was just part of my being greedy: because I want to experience everything and try everything, I thought it might just me trying to be open to everything. I came out when I was 15, and then went straight back in the closet for years. Now that I moved away for college, I pretty much come out to everyone if the subject comes up.

So sexuality isn't an issue; I am not grossed out by the idea of sleeping with a girl (quite the opposite!) and have no hang-ups about it. The problem is I feel very uncertain:
I don't know how to flirt, not even with guys, so I just make eye contact and usually the rest just happens. I am quite good at attracting a guy's attention, yet doing it in a way that I don't have to flirt, because I really don't know how.
But with girls? I've made out with 3 girls, yet it was only when I was drunk and they usually made the first move on me. How do I flirt with a girl?

I met this beauty last week: she's in my university course, yet she's 8 years older than me, and has more than a couple of tattoos. She's gorgeous and I totally clam up around her.
We met at the induction for our course and she asked for my number, just for having a contact I guess, because she's not into the whole social scene. I'd love to get to know her better, or at least find out if she's straight or not, but she seemed really pissed off and grumpy last time I met her.
The age gap doesn't usually scare me, I've had boyfriends older than that, but it feels totally different: I feel un-experienced like a little girl, and I'm dead sure she won't want to get close to a nineteen year old. So, what to do?
I am slightly socially inept, and don't know how to flirt. How do I grab her attention and get close enough to flirt with her or ask her out (one day faaaar away from today!)?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I really don't think there is any "way" to flirt with anyone, nor that there's anything ultimately different about flirting with men and with women.

What I'm hearing is that you're finding you're feeling shy or intimidated around the women you like, and are having a hard time making any kind of first move. Though with this one woman, it also sounds like she's not really expressing interest, and that you are having some sense she'd not be all that interested in the first place. So, if and when someone just isn't feeling a thing or putting themselves out there in any way, how you're flirting with them or not becomes kind of moot, know what I mean?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Betty C.
Neophyte
Member # 39240

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Yeah, I do know what you mean... But what do around girls I like? You're right I do get very intimidated and shy. I guess I should work on my confidence then.. which I must say is a bit shaky when it comes to people of both genders really.
Thanks for the reply [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, sometimes this can just be about something being unfamiliar. If you feel like you have a better idea of being around and interacting with guys in whom you have interest than with women, it's understandable that the latter will feel more intimidating since you don't have that familiarity yet. Of course, if you are holding unto the idea that it's this whole different thing (again, IME, it's not), it's also going to feel way more daunting.

I'm personally a big fan of friends first with any kind of dating, especially for folks who feel very nervous. Asking someone to just hang out with you, as a friend, not a date, can take the pressure off, and then you get to hang out with them and SEE if there is any real chemistry there, find out more about each other, get a better sense of if you want the same things.

I'd also suggest that you try and date around your same experience level. In other words, someone who has been queer for many years and also has way more life experience probably isn't a good choice if you're new to dating women, especially if you also feel intimidated. You'll likely feel a lot more comfortable with someone closer to where you are experientially, you know?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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lucidkitty
Activist
Member # 49104

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Ask her over and hang out and just get comfortable with her [Smile] , you will get to know if she is into girls or not. Once you feel comfortable with her....flinty stuff just happens...touch her hand see how she reacts.....maybe stroke her hair.....you will get a vibe [Smile] . Hey either way you win....you get a friend or you get a girlfriend [Smile] .
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Just FYI, a lot of people really don't like to be touched without someone asking their permission, so just touching someone to see how they like it, or to try and suss out if they're queer is not always the best idea.

As well, touching someone doesn't mean they automatically wind up being your friend or your girlfriend.

[ 10-09-2010, 09:44 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Betty C.
Neophyte
Member # 39240

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Well.. I am not so sure about the whole touching thing because I don't like being touched by someone I am not really that familiar yet, so maybe she won't like it as well.

I just felt a little confused because I have no clue as to how to behave around girls I like. Also, this one is a no-go because I recently found out she has a boyfriend, so, as much I am a little disappointed about it, it's ok because I found out that she's actually really nice and I like her as a friend as well.

I must admit I am a little frustrated. Even a little movement like putting their hair over one side and baring their neck can make me blush as hell. Thank god I can hide my emotions pretty well... but I feel like such a virgin, such an un-experienced teenage boy... It's a lovely feeling, of wonder and purity, but it's so embarrassing!

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