Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Problems At Home...Again

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Problems At Home...Again
MickyDomino
Activist
Member # 45984

Icon 11 posted      Profile for MickyDomino     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, first of all, I would like to say "Hi", I haven't been on this website since summer vacation. I would just like to say that things are getting bad at home again. Its not just about me being gay, but now lots of other stuff is going on with me too! I can't take it anymore!

It started at the beginning of the school year, everything was going fine, I was accepted into an Early College High School, and I realized about two weeks in that it wasn't my proper education. So I got into an argument with my mom, and then it goes to me being gay, and then she starts blackmailing me about telling my dad. It sucks, because I love my mom and we are usually best friends, but lately we have done nothing but argue. I can't say a word to her without getting yelled at. Tonight I was worried that my dad would check my computer, because I will admit I have watched porn online, but who hasn't? So she sits me down and say she doesn't want me watching that stuff and if I keep doing it she will tell my dad. I know parents are supposed to not let kids watch porn, but I don't think its fair that my mom should blackmail me, by outing me! Plus, she never lets the gay thing go, she always brings up something gay around me, like the first gay-whatsoever, I know she is trying to be supportive, but I have been out with her almost a year, I think I get the point.

PS: I am not out in my high school right now, because I am worried that the college students will find out and well...they are big and scary.

--------------------
Harvey Milk is my hero.

Posts: 63 | From: NC | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Micky: I'm sorry to hear this.

By any chance, might you be able to get your mother to go to a local PFLAG meeting? There are quite a few in NC, and I think it might be helpful if she could get a better idea from other parents and support staff about how to support you, and about how things like threats of outing are big-time not okay.

At the same time, can you check in with me about the situation with your Dad? Do you just not want to be out to him, or is that you fear some kind of abuse if you come out to him?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MickyDomino
Activist
Member # 45984

Icon 1 posted      Profile for MickyDomino     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The thing with my dad is that I want to be out in the open with him, but the thing is that I am afraid that he will not physically, but mentally abuse me. He will go through all of my stuff, take it away, check me into therapy, and shut me out entirely. He almost did when I tried to tell him the first time. My mom is afraid that he will divorce her, and she says that if I come out to him that I am on my own, because he will divorce. Which I think is totally wrong, but then again I get where she is coming from.

Bottom line, if I come out to my dad I fear major consequences in th household. I am afraid it'll kill my family...I am just scared.

--------------------
Harvey Milk is my hero.

Posts: 63 | From: NC | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MickyDomino
Activist
Member # 45984

Icon 1 posted      Profile for MickyDomino     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My mom will probably say that she doesn't have time, which actually means she doesn't want to do it. You may think this is a rash assumption, but my whole family has noticed it. So she isn't comfortable with anything, gay-ish.

--------------------
Harvey Milk is my hero.

Posts: 63 | From: NC | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Micky: sorry it took me a while to get back here. Between traveling, lecturing and lack of good 'net access, I wasn't able to get back here until now.

The first thing I want to make sure you know is that the relationship parents have with each other is theirs, about them, and their responsibility. No child is responsible for what happens in their parents marriage or interpersonal relationship. Your mother suggesting it is or could be is really poor parenting and inappropriate on her part: trying to pass her responsibility in her relationship or its outcomes unto you isn't fair and isn't truthful. It sounds to me like she's either trying to do that with the idea your guilt and idea you're responsible will make you somehow not be gay, OR with the notion that if her marriage dissolves or she or her father choose to dissolve it, they can put the responsibility on you so they don't have to take it. Do you know what I mean?

If your father is someone you think may be emotionally abusive, that suggests to me you have seen him act in ways that suggest you know he can be. Heck, maybe your mother is looking for an out for that reason for all I know.

But if she's not, if she's earnestly not WANTING a divorce, then this blackmail doesn't make sense. In other words, she's likely bluffing. To be clear, if she's saying that disclosure to your Dad would create things she does not want, I don't see her making that disclosure.

How old are you again, Micky? I ask that because it matters per what advice I'd give you here, which would be different if you're this close to being of an age where you could move out, or if you have a lot of years left before that's possible.

Also -- and I'm sorry if I have asked this before and forgotten -- is there anyone in your extended family who is gay, lesbian or bisexual, or who isn't, but you know or suspect would be an ally for you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3