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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » I like her??

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Author Topic: I like her??
Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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Okay so theres this lass joining my jazz marching display band. We get on really well and have a right laugh. Its even better because theres few lads in the band who are gay, so they act up and its great. Theres always a great atmosphere. The whole band are going away at the end of this month for a competion, itll be my first competiton away and im really looking forward to it, slightly nervous as expected. But shes there to reassure me itll be fine. The only thing is, im being to like her more than i should. I know i shouldn't but cant help it, she thinks im straight, and thats what i thought. Im not sure if she is. I dont know why i like her, theres just something about her and i always look forward to seeing her. Going away should be fun, its one of the lads birthdays while we're away so there'll be plenty of drinking, im worried i'll make an idiot of myself.

Is it just me being paranoid or should i be worried??

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

Posts: 27 | From: Washington UK | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
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There's no way you "should" or "shouldn't" be feeling here: no one has control over who they're attracted to, we just get to decide what we want to do with those feelings.

If you're worried that drinking will cause you to do something you may not feel good about afterwards, that can definitely happen - alcohol impairs judgment, so the simplest way to avoid that is just not drink.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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But i feel its wrong that i like her, as i thought i was straight. I just hate all the confusion. Its exactly something i can openly ask.

I suppose i can avoid drinking this time, but what about the next? or the time after that. Its frustrating not knowing what to do [Frown]

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

Posts: 27 | From: Washington UK | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
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It's understandable that you're confused (and I hear you that that confusion is tough to deal with), but what you're feeling isn't wrong in any way. Sexuality is fluid, it can change, and even people who identify as heterosexual can be attracted to someone of the same gender. As I said, you get to feel what you feel, and you also get to decide whether to act on those feelings or not.

I can't tell you what to do - nobody can, unfortunately. This is one of those things you have to figure out on your own, and decide what you're comfortable with. (Again, that's probably not what you wanted to hear, and I wish I could give you a more definitive answer, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.)

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Johann7
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Most people think that they're straight until something tells them otherwise because we have presumed heterosexuality in many societies. That doesn't mean you're not "straight". This could be the only girl to whom you'll ever be attracted, or you could be a little bi, or a lot bi, or even more-gay-than-straight. And that can change over time, too; as Karybu said, sexuality is fluid.

As for what to do, that's up to you (again, as Karybu said). You could come right out and tell her exactly how you feel (substitute The Queen's English for my American where appropriate): "I thought I was straight, but I REALLY like you, and it's really confusing to me, and I don't know if you're into girls at all or if you're into me in the event that you are into girls at all, and I don't know exactly what to do, but I wanted to tell you so you'd know and maybe it would help me figure it out."

Or you could bring up the topic of crushes on girls in a non-specific way. You could just repress/ignore your feelings. You could subtly hit-on her and see how she responds. You could get sloppy-drunk and see what happens (I DO NOT recommend this).

You have a lot of options; my advice is to figure out what you'd do if gender wasn't an issue at all in our world, and then try to figure out what the closest thing to that is that you're comfortable doing, given that gender DOES generally matter in our world. I don't mean, "What would you do if she was a lad?", I mean, "What would you do if no one, including you, cared that she's a lass?". Once you have that figured out, you'll have a better idea of what to do in real life; I'm not a big fan of the closet, but I recognize that it isn't always practical for someone to come out as not-completely-straight in a particular situation, so I'm not going to go ahead and tell you to NECESSARILY do what you would if gender wasn't an issue. But you should identify that for yourself, as it might help you untangle how you feel about this girl specifically from how other people are going to view you feeling as you do about this girl. That's going to be a much less confused place for you to make your decision.

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Robble Robble Robble!

Posts: 46 | From: Milwaukee, WI USA | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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