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Author Topic: I am now officially dating!
MickyDomino
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I did what, whom I now consider a awesome friend, Ecofem said, and I gave him some space and he texted me and he said he loved me. This time I knew he wasn;t joking because I called and asked him if he really meant and he ran outside in fron of his neighborhood and yelled it out and I nearly fainted it was just so amazing. (I know he really did becuse he did it again and videoed it). I said I love you too and right now we have both decided to go out on ourfirst date this weekend, but hes keeping it a secret at school, because hes not "out" yet. So thanks to Heather and Ecofem for helping Go over the rainbow and grab a nice boy frind along the ride!

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Harvey Milk is my hero.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Aw!

Just aw. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MickyDomino
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I know, it was so romantic.

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Harvey Milk is my hero.

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Ecofem
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Hey MickyDomino, that sounds so, so, so awesome -- I'm very happy for you! Talk about so much good stuff to happen at once. And thanks for the compliment, too. [Smile]
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MickyDomino
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Now I have a problem. I can't lve at home anymore. I love my mom, my cuz, my bro, and my dad. But now that I sit and think about it, I am not happy. I can;t be myself, be a normal teen who can use a computer without haveing a dad nosy enough to search the entire hard drive, who can actually not sneek around to use Myspace. I cant be myself at home, only at school, where people just think im some stupid queer (I live in the south...so while some are great, most are not...not anymore...). I have everythng I want, and my parents say I have a lot of freedom when in truth, I have to do everything in secrete or not do it at all. My BF said he would come with me if I decide to go. The only thing thats keeping me here is me imagining how bad it would hurt everybody if I left.

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Harvey Milk is my hero.

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Ecofem
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MickyDomino,

I'm sorry that you have this problem right now. I think that some of these challenges are directly related to being queer while others are not: I think most teens have some degree of parental observation in terms of computer habits, for one. Also, it's really hard being a teen at times because it's like you're READY to be grown up and independent but can't be yet. Also, because creating our identities often means defining ourselves outside our home or families, the wanting some separation or feeling the need to have space to "be yourself" is also quite common.

Not everywhere in the South is homophobic (I know this firsthand and know of some people in NC who have felt comfortable/accepted [Razz] ) but that doesn't help your situation right now, I know. I think it'd help to make connections with more LGBT and LGBT-friendly people in your area; for starters, might you be near a PFLAG chapter where you could attend meetings?

I don't meant to negate your feelings because I can imagine it's hard and I do feel for you, for sure. I've also seen you have a lot of BIG ups and downs lately, which is also understandable but it's important to remember the ups when you're having a down moment. (And this is something that I, too, have to remember right now, where I'm at a point where I'm having a lot of really up and down moments within a short period of time.) The things can just take time. If you were at risk for living at home and/or have someone like a responsible family member who your parents would agree with your moving in with, then it'd be a different story but I think leaving right now is not the best option for you. For starters, your parents have legal responsibilities and you would likely be taken back to them if you were to run away. Also, life is incredibly expensive: a friend who left home in high school (she dropped out [Frown] ) had SUCH a rough time making ends meet and had to do some stuff she'd rather not. I don't want to see you in that situation!

For now, let's explore some more local options, like finding other places you can be yourself. Also, you could consider graduating in three years, if that's possible, as one more way to leave home. For example, I've heard that NC has scholarships for in-state graduates with a certain GPA, and that'd be a good option. Likewise, you could also look into starting an apprenticeship if that's more your thing: that way, when you graduate, you'll have job skills and can start working right away at a good job. (I know of people who had good experiences doing that.)

Here are two more articles for you: this one is from a national teachers union about supporting queer students and this one I wrote myself a few years ago [Wink] : To Be... AWESOME or Just Be –– Tips on Making the Most of Your Life Right Now!

[ 04-06-2010, 10:09 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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MickyDomino
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I see what you mean. The thing is, its not just that I don't feel accepted or free, but to be honest I feel like belong here at all. I want to do PFLAG, but my mom wont drive and I cant have a friend;s parent drive me because then my mom would find out I came out to someone besides her and my boy friend. I feel like she;s ashamed of me because she doesn;t want anyone too know, she wants me and my BF to go somewhere where no one from school would recognize us. I knwo she is probably just looking out for me, but she doesn;t want anyone to know AT ALL. She says she doesn;t want "Anyone to know our family buisness" when its my buisness shouldn't I get in it too. I want to go to a place where I can be accepted, which I know is a very small amount, but Im not happy here, Ive actually thought about suicide, but I realized that was stupid...so Ill try, but if I have to move to Mxico next year, then they're moving without me. Aaron said I could live with him if I wanted...

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Harvey Milk is my hero.

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Ecofem
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That's really tough, MickyDomino. Your mom is trying hard to accept you but is also putting really big limitations on you: it's really not about you but her own issues there. I think there are a lot of places where you will feel accepted: when you don't have the support at home, it can be hard to think that others will accept you but they will. Some won't but that's their own issue. Unfortunately, because of these family limits, they're keeping you from connecting with supportive people.

Could you contact the closest PFLAG chapter and explain your situation? Even if you couldn't get to the meeting, I bet some members would meet with you privately in a public place, like at a library or café: just knowing they're there could be really good.

While moving in with a partner so quickly is generally something to avoid, there are surely other people/places you could live if it came to that. (I've also had friends do that and have it not work out well; the idea being that you want the freedom to just enjoy each other rather than rely on each other for now.)

I understand the thoughts about suicide: I've been there myself. However, you're just at the start of having a really good life. Right now you're seeing all these limitations but I'm also seeing a really happy life after high school, where you can choose where you live and how you live, and I think that you'll be getting closer to that in school, too, with time. Here's a national suicide hotline you can call if you're having those feelings again: 1-800-784-2433

I need to go to sleep now but I'll check back in tomorrow. :hugs:

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MickyDomino
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Well, you see, my mom has accepted that Im gay, but I have a feeling she won;t be able to accept my life as a gay man. She says she fees uncomfortable about talking to me about it, and I can see she really doesn;t want to talk about it anyways. So it hurts when I cant tell my family about my life.

I would love to do that, but my parents won;t let me go to a public place alone. Im too young to get my liceanse so I can't drive on my own. So I don't know how we ould meet.

I see what you mean. It is too early to do that, so i could live with my other friend Lauralee, whos parents know about me, but im not sure howd they react to me living with them. So, i dont know.

I have asked my mom if I could see a psychiatrist so I could talk about how I am feeling, and she never gets arpund to making an appointment. I dont think she could take me telling her what I am going through. Thanks, Ill definatly make a call if I ever hav any thoughts like that.

Can't wait for your reply...

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Harvey Milk is my hero.

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Ecofem
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Hi MickyDomino,

This sounds hard but I do see positive potential in the future for you. Let me think about this for awhile and I'll get back to you. xoxo

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MickyDomino
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I have decided something. I am going to come out to my dad, and I have decided if he can;t accepted me for who I amthen I won't be living with him because alls he will do is try to change me or ignore me entirly. And if he really was my fathr then he would accept me. This way I can eb happy without having to ran all the way across the contry. This will be able to decide if he really loves me unconditionally, or as a straight son. I want your feedback please...

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Harvey Milk is my hero.

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Ecofem
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Hi Micky,

It sounds like you've made up your mind to tell him. It's a very brave thing to do: I would like him to accept you, but I can't guarantee it. However, we're going to support you in doing whatever feels right for you! [Smile]

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MickyDomino
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Thanks, I have decided on a few life things.

1. I am no longer keeping it a secret to anyone.

2. I am going to embrace everything my life has to offer.

3. I want to be an activist for gay rights, I want to stand up for my people, and I want to help thm to.

This place has made me decide al of this and I can;t thank all of you enough. Is there any possible way to volunteer here, despite the fact I'm so young?

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Harvey Milk is my hero.

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Ecofem
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Hi MickyDomino!

Those sound like excellent goals/things to live by!

1. I think it's good that you feel you can live openly and freely. Feeling empowered can really improve your outlook on life and increase the feeling that you know you can do it. [Smile] It can also be hard at times, like when you're not in a very supportive environment; however, I'd argue that the better you feel about who you are, the easier it is to deal with the challenges as well as forces people to accept/tolerate you (or not.) I will say that there are times where not talking about one's sexual orientation (straight/queer/etc.) is a good call, like when it's a safety issue. I'm not trying to put you back in the closet at all but just bring it up. What do you think?

2. This is awesome! You have so many opportunities ahead of you and the more open you are to them, the better you can take advantage of them. [Smile] What would you like to do, both in the short and long term? Short-term like this weekend or this month, then like a year from now, and then five years from now? You don't always know what will happen and it's important to be open to change and chance, but it can help to have some general goals, too.

3. Being a gay rights activist is fantastic and I wish you luck! We have an article on that very topic: as you see, there are so many different ways to get involved and make a difference. (You already are. [Wink] ) Activism 101

You're welcome, and we're really glad you're here, too. [Smile] For users interested in volunteering, we generally ask that stick around for a few months and start answering others' questions at the message boards. (You did a nice job of sharing your experiences with another user here, for example!) It's also good to pay special attention to things like spelling, grammar and punctuation so your message comes out as smoothly and clearly as possible. Then, if you're still interested, we can apply to volunteer. [Smile] One big thing is that people under 18 need a parent or guardian's permission to volunteer: I hope your mom would agree to that, but that's getting quite ahead of things for now. In the meantime, I say please keep being active here and helping others on the boards like you've started doing, as well as making the most of your situation, both in the good times and the bad.

[Smile]

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MickyDomino
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1. I agree with you 100%, I can't tell everyone, or atleast not mention it to some people who may take a violent side of things. Don;t owrry, there's no way anyone can put me back in the closet by now! [Smile]

2. I think right now, I am going to focus on studying law and politics. I want to be able to help people in the LGBT community. I can;t really explain how it will help me to study these, but I have this feeling in my stomach thta it will help me. I actually want to be like Harvey Milk, he;s my hero, and has been ever since I first watch this autobiographical film from the 80s.

3. Thanks, I think right now, I want to help people in my school who're struggling with thier sexuality, and maybe even attempt to establish a club specifically for LGBT students or people who support LGBT rights.

I hope my mom will be okay, but I doubt she will, she doesn't realy want me on these sort of websites even though I assure I know what I'm doing, so we decided that it would be best of I would just not mention them. So I doubt she'll give me permission, but we'll see.

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Harvey Milk is my hero.

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TheTasteOfPurple
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Many, many congratulations for being so comfortable with yourself and courageous with others. I think you will definitely be a great role model for other people at your school.

Here's a couple sites on starting a GSA (gay-straight alliance) at a school:
http://gsanetwork.org/resources
http://gayteens.about.com/od/school/ht/gsa.htm

Seeing your confidence and passion about this brings happy tears to my eyes (I know it sounds awfully cliche, but it's true.) Best of luck in all of your endeavors.

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Julia

The highest result of education is tolerance. -Helen Keller

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Ecofem
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Hi MickyDomino, your reply sounds really good. [Smile] TheTasteOfPurple gave you some great links there and I'll share two more. (Harvey Milk's a great role model, btw!)

Project Vote Smart is a non-partisan voter education organization where you can see where your politicans stand on many issues.
http://www.votesmart.org/

Equality U: I just saw this great film for free at LogoTV online: http://www.logotv.com/video/equality-u/1602603/playlist.jhtml
"A group of 33 young activists on the Soulforce Equality Ride, a first of its kind, two-month, crosscountry tour to confront anti-gay discrimination policies at 19 conservative religious and military colleges." It's a great example of very hands-on activism.

I think keeping your website use private from your mom sounds like a good call for now but we'll see how you and she feel with time. [Smile] I hope you and your boyfriend have a good weekend!

[ 04-10-2010, 11:29 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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MickyDomino
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Thanks so much you guys for all your help. I am so happy that you've all been there for me, and I can;t wait to help people on the site to the best of my abilities. So wish me luck, I am off to start the beginning of what I hope to be, a amazing life!

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Harvey Milk is my hero.

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