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Author Topic: First same-sex relationship?
Stephanie101
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Member # 37085

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Over the past year I have been doing a lot of exploring with my sexuality, because I've always questioned the posibility of my being bisexual. I found out that yes, I do have a sexual attraction to women as well, which I didn't want so suprising.

Anyways, a female friend of mine is interested in persuing a relationship with me, like something official. We've "gotten together" once, and there was definently a connection between us, but I am unsure about if it is lust or love that I feel for her.

I'm not out, that's one of my concerns, my mom I think would be opened minded, my dad however is pretty homophobic so I am a little scared to come out. My older sister has approached me many times asking me if I am gay...so I don't think coming out to her would be hard.

I just don't know really how to approach this? She really wants to be in a relationship with me and she has been asking me about it. But I am really unsure.

Any advice for me? [Confused]

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stephh!

Posts: 88 | From: Canada | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think it might help to consider this like you'd consider any potential relationship: yours just happens to be same-sex.

In other words, what I hear you saying is that you feel some connection to this person and know you feel sexually attracted to her. But what you don't know is if you feel something deeper for her emotionally yet, and you also don't know if you're ready for a more serious relationship due to feeling you might not be able to be honest with your family about it, and your orientation, yet.

So it sounds to me like a good way to address this with your friend would be to say that right now, you just aren't sure yet if a more serious relationship is something you want or are ready for, and that what you need is a bit more time to suss that out first.

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie101
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I've expressed that to her, that I'm not sure if I'm ready yet, it just seems like she's..pushing me. I'll just keep on telling her I need time..and try to sort this out I guess.

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stephh!

Posts: 88 | From: Canada | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
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If she is pushing you then perhaps this would not be a healthy relationship for you. You deserve someone who can respect your boundaries; by pushing you she is not respecting your boundaries. Like Heather said, do not examine this as same-sex relationship, but a relationship. If she were male and she were pressuring you into a relationship and disrespecting your boundaries would you begin a relationship with her? This advice goes especially so being as you have expressed your need for time to her and she still pressures you. You have no obligation to speed up the process of sorting this out for her, nor can you. All that would do is end in a lot of heart ache. Examine this as you would any other relationship. Is this a healthy relationship for all involved?

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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KDinTX
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Member # 44775

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I was in this exact situation.

My senior year in high school, I came out as bisexual. I had a friend who was an established lesbian and we had been hanging out increasingly more. When I came out to her, I could tell from her excitement that something was going to develop. Both of us we're shy about it, so nothing happened for about a month till we both got a little drunk at her house and fooled around.

The next morning it wasn't awkward, and neither was it when I asked her to date me a few days later. We were together for almost a month, but after a while the fact that we we're friends became a problem: neither of us wanted to jeopardize the pre-existing friendship. She also had difficulties with the intimacy factor, as she once said "We were best friends during the day and I love it, but then at night it was something different."

Ultimately, we broke up, and I'm glad we did. Had we been together longer, I don't think we would still be as great of friends now than if something happened and we broke up later into a relationship. She's one of my best friends, I wouldnt wanted to have ruined that.

So while it seems like a fun and good idea now, I wouldn't do it. Its not worth losing a friend over

Posts: 4 | From: Texas | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
julzy
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Member # 48882

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quote:
Originally posted by Stephanie101:
Over the past year I have been doing a lot of exploring with my sexuality, because I've always questioned the posibility of my being bisexual. I found out that yes, I do have a sexual attraction to women as well, which I didn't want so suprising.

Anyways, a female friend of mine is interested in persuing a relationship with me, like something official. We've "gotten together" once, and there was definently a connection between us, but I am unsure about if it is lust or love that I feel for her.

I'm not out, that's one of my concerns, my mom I think would be opened minded, my dad however is pretty homophobic so I am a little scared to come out. My older sister has approached me many times asking me if I am gay...so I don't think coming out to her would be hard.

I just don't know really how to approach this? She really wants to be in a relationship with me and she has been asking me about it. But I am really unsure.

Any advice for me? [Confused]

i think you should just turn her down lightly if you arent interested. i remember my first same-sex "hookup" we just toungue kissed, so it wasnt really a hookup.

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cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort, suffocation no breathing, dont give a f***k if i cut my arm bleeding.

Posts: 11 | From: charlotte | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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