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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » This is going to sound really stupid....

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Author Topic: This is going to sound really stupid....
Member # 40247

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Hi. So, today my girlfriend ended our relationship. I love her so much and not only was it my first relationship with a girl, it was my first relationship with someone I was in love with and my first relationship at all.

I guess I'd just like some tips, I'm not sure what on, really. I know that 'getting over her' has to be my own thing and that I'm the only one who can change/help how I feel. But maybe some positive stories will help?

I don't know, I really kind of stupid posting this. [Roll Eyes]

Posts: 8 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 40774

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It's doesn't sound stupid at all, Loo. It sucks when the feelings you're dealing with are compounded by feeling that it's not ok to have those feelings or talk about them. So, I just wanted to say that I think this is a totally fine thing to post about here. Do you want to talk more about why you feel stupid posting this or how you're feeling about the breakup?

I'm not sure if this is the kind of story you meant, but it was what came to mind:

When I was in high school I dated this girl for a few months who then abruptly ended our relationship. I never thought we'd be together for years or anything, but I liked her a whole heck of a lot and really wanted to continue to be with her and get closer to her, and really really wanted her to feel that way about me. When she broke up with me, I felt deeply disappointed and alone and sad and rejected. For about a month afterwards I was in a haze, crying a lot, feeling like I'd missed out on this fabulous person because I was totally unlikable and had done everything wrong.

But it shifted. The longer I was away from her, the more I saw ways we had never really connected and how, in addition to the good things, a lot of my needs hadn't been met by the relationship. I began to imagine things I wanted from a relationship and in a partner that I couldn't even conceptualize when I was with her. And, a few months after that girl broke up with me, I met someone totally new and unexpected who possessed a lot of those qualities.

without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

Posts: 407 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 40247

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Hmm, yeah. To be honest, I'm not really sure how I'm feeling at the moment. Not good, that's for sure, but I keep swinging between being devastated and angry, which I guess is normal?

The things is, I understand completely why she did it. The relationship was always complicated as she lived a fair way away from me. For most of the reasons she said, I feel the same way, I was just willing to stick it out. I feel like she thinks I'm not worth putting in the effort for. We'd been together for about ten months, so I don't understand why this has come about all of a sudden, when nothing has changed.

Yeah, that's what I meant. Thank you so much. I think I just need to hear things like that at the moment, y'know?

Posts: 8 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ashlee Abjad
Member # 42383

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I recently started talking again to a boy I broke up with a few months ago. For a long time we didn't talk at all, then we emailed a little and we have recently talked on the phone. I realized as I was talking to him that it was so much better to just be friends because we didn't have to worry about hurting each other in the way we had been. Both of us had some hangups and some bad past experiences and I don't think either of us was ready for a relationship in our current state. I had known all this for a long time, even before we broke up, but talking to him again in a friendly and less-stressful way helped me accept it. If you think you have the potential to be friends, just wait it out and give her a good amount of time away from you so you two can adjust your perspectives, but for now find something positive to do with your time.

Someone can be a beautiful part of your life, but just as a relationship has to start somewhere, it has to end somewhere. Of course, knowing and understanding all this doesn't remove the pain, because you can't turn off those loving feelings like a switch, even when they do you more harm than good. Just remember you did what was right for the two of you and be sure to give yourself lots of love. And remember, you are beautiful!

Posts: 6 | From: Pacific Northwest, USA | Registered: Mar 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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