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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Blah, Should I Be Worried?

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Author Topic: Blah, Should I Be Worried?
Lifeis2confusing13
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Member # 40780

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So I met somebody that I am getting along with great, she is basically amazing. The only problem is that she is SUPER flirtious, like almost to a tease sort of way. I am aware that a lot of other girls, and guys, like her but she has told me multiple times that she likes me. We hang out a fair amount and we always have a good time. I told her that I have never kissed a girl and she was great about it. But I dont want to get attached if there is a reason I should be worried. My friend told me today at lunch that she talks to a lot of people, and her friend was totally blown off by her. I just dont want to get hurt. And I dont want to offend her by bringing it up...
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feefiefofemme
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I would suggest that you trust her when she says she likes you. Being flirtatious and being unfaithful are not necessarily the same thing. However, I would also suggest that you talk to her about how you feel. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable when she flirts with other people. I'm not entirely clear on whether or not you two are actually together, but if you would like to be and you haven't told her that, doing so might well be the way to get her to cut down on flirting. Chances are that she just doesn't realize that you're wanting something a bit more exclusive (am I correct in thinking that you do want more commitment from her?).
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Lifeis2confusing13
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Kind of. Like I mean I am not all for going out right now, we are more in the "talking stage" and it's only been about 2 weeks. It is not so much that I want more commitment its just I want to be sure that I am not being played. I mean she's been hurt too, so I feel like I am just over thinking things but I still get this feeling like she really doesnt like me as much as she lets on.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, you can also just take your time when it comes to getting very emotionally invested, which is always smart for everyone to do when dating.

In other words, do take your time before getting attached, and do feel this out a bit over the next few weeks or months -- including talking with her over time -- to see if you two are on the same page and do want the same things.

I'd also bear in mind that any of us does not need to limit our social interactions to give any one person care or commitment. For instance, I can have a best friend or two, people to whom I give extra care and attention, and yet still have a lot of friends at the same time.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lifeis2confusing13
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Thanks, I agree I would never want to spend a lot of time with just one person. Just like I dont want her to be mad if I am hanging out with my friends I would never do that to her. It was just the rumor of her being a tease and this being my first female relationship in a few years. =)
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Heather
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So much of the time, rumors about people's sexual behavior -- especially when it comes to women -- are based on everything BUT truths and care.

So, I'd say it's always best for us to ignore rumors, and simply make our own character judgments over time, as well as listening to people close to those we're making judgments about and hearing what they have to say.

I'd also suggest even considering the whole term "tease." Any of us flirting is not a promise to do anything else at all: not to have sex, not to have a relationship, nothing. Flirting is simply casual behavior in the moment that we want to consider as just that: not as a promise, but as a momentary experience or expression of a feeling at the time. The idea that people who flirt but don't then have sex with someone else is "teasing" or is somehow wrong is really based on the idea that anyone (again, especially women) "owes" something else sex because that other person has a sexual interest. In other words, it's pretty unfair stuff, don't you think?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lifeis2confusing13
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That is true I didn't think of it that way at all. Thanks, we talked about it tonight and worked a lot of my fears out.
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