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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Annoying crush on someone

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Author Topic: Annoying crush on someone
MudPuppy
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Member # 37153

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I'm a 14-year-old girl and for a few months I've been pretty sure I like girls. So far it hasn't been a problem since my friends don't mind and I've only been attracted to people on TV or something. But a new girl came into my class this year and I like her. We started being friends because we have loads of things in common and we talked quite a lot for a while, but she usually hangs around with different people than me at school so we mostly talk over the internet. A few weeks ago just before a weekend I was letting her borrow a book so I decided to put a note in it telling her that I like girls. At the weekend we talked over the internet about it and she said that she'd written a reply to it and asked me why I'd told her. I said that it was because I trusted her, but I said as well that I sort of liked her. She didn't say anything else about it but I assumed that because I said "sort of" and because we were talking over the internet that she hadn't really taken me seriously.

When I went into school after the weekend I got her reply note. She seemed a lot more uncomfortable with it on the note than she had on the internet since she wrote a lot of stuff and it seemed like the written-down equivalent of awkward babbling. She said that she was perfectly fine with my sexuality but she pointed out at the end of the note that she's straight. I don't know whether it's because of that thing that people always want what they can't have, but since then it seems like my crush on her has gotten even worse. One of my friends knows about it and even though at first she said it would be great if me and the girl I like were together, when I mentioned it to her again she said that I should get over it if the girl isn't interested.

I still talk to the girl quite a lot (seeing as I sit next to her) but since she spends most of her time with her other friends I keep feeling like she's avoiding me because she's freaked out by me liking her. Recently I was reading her page on a website and she said that she flirts with girls. I don't know if it was serious and I worry that I might be reading too much into it, but do you think I have any chance of her ever liking me back? Apart from her being straight I don't think there would be any problems seeing as she's the same age as me and as far as I know she doesn't have a boyfriend. (and by the way, despite what I hope for I also realise that even if she likes girls she won't necessarily like me). What should I do?

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"We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!"

Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PenguinBoy
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I think that in that context, her telling you she was straight was probably to let you know that she doesn't want to pursue anything with you.

It's a shame that people put out confusing messages like "I flirt with girls". When actually, she told you she was straight - she might have put it to impress guys (which i don't think is too cool) or maybe she does flirt - but has never ever wanted anything to go further than that.

But the way she told you, does seem to me very definite that it was in response to you liking her. That's not to say that there's anything wrong with still being attracted to her. But you can't be anything to her but a friend. So if you can handle it I think you should just focus on that.

Getting over people is hard, especially if you can't see many other people you're attracted to. But you have to remember that things change and you will grow to like more people and your life will change and so will the people around you.

You'd be much better off making the best of the things you do have, like your friendships, and your hobbies; anything you're interested in. And focusing your life there will make sure that the people you meet, who you will be attracted to and will like you back are much more likely to be interested in the things that make you-you.

(I never had any sort of romance at all until I was 16, and I survived, look! lol)

x

[ 05-15-2008, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: PenguinBoy ]

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MudPuppy
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Ok, thank you for your advice. I think I'll just try to get over it, I have plenty of other stuff to concentrate on anyway.

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"We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!"

Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MudPuppy
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Member # 37153

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(I know I've already agreed to get over her, but now there's a bit more confusion and I want to know if it makes any difference.)

The girl I like and me both like anime, and recently she's been telling me about cool ones on the internet to watch. The one she told me about most recently happened to centre around girls liking each other. I thought it was a bit strange for her to watch stuff like that but I didn't think too much about that. But after I watched the first episode of it I was talking to her about it on msn (we seem to have all our interesting conversations there) and she told me that if she ever met a girl like one of the main characters she would date her. I asked her if she was sure she was straight (I was just joking) and she just said "hmmm..." and after we talked for a little bit more she said that she mostly just likes people's personalities.

I feel sort of guilty for still liking her, and now I feel like I'm being really weird or creepy for thinking so much about everything she says and wondering what she meant.

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"We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!"

Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MudPuppy
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Could someone please reply? (I'm really sorry because I get the feeling I'm not supposed to post things asking for people to reply- if this post is against the rules I'll delete it immediately)

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"We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!"

Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horizon
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(No worries, Angel. Sorry we missed this post.)

I think PenguinBoy's answer here still stands, but it seems like your friend is trying to complicate the game for some reason. There's no need for you to feel bad about liking her, but I'm sure it feels like she is giving you the runaround, making you want to say, "What the heck is going on here?" So maybe that's what you should say.

If you feel that you want to ask her again if she would be interested in a relationship, then by all means, go ahead. But if she's giving you mixed answers and signals, it's probably a sign that she is not sure exactly what she wants right now, which can be pretty confusing and frustrating when going into a relationship. If this becomes the case, then you may want to just settle on being friends without the intent to pursue a relationship.

[ 06-27-2008, 10:31 PM: Message edited by: Horizon ]

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-Kayla
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MudPuppy
Neophyte
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Actually, when I think about it I don't really think I should ask her. I think that being friends is fine for now. Thank you for your help.

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"We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!"

Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MudPuppy
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I'm sorry to keep changing my mind, but now I'm back to not knowing what to do. A while ago I mentioned the crush to my mom (as part of a horrible, awkward conversation) and she said that I should definitely not tell the girl that I like her because that could scare her or upset her and she might tell her parents. I didn't tell my mom that I had already told the girl that I sort of like her, and now I'm really worried that my mom is right. I sort of want to tell the girl how much I like her but if she's scared of me now then that would ruin everything. So I have no idea what to do.

[ 07-02-2008, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: AngelFromMyNightmare ]

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"We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!"

Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, if she got scared of you, it wouldn't really ruin anything. In other words, someone who is scared of you because you like them isn't someone who was going to be likely to pursue a relationship with you anyway. A friend scared of you because of your orientation also isn't likely to be able to be your friend: after all, that's part of who you are.

But given your first post here, I think you've already communicated your feelings, and she has already responded to them, making clear that she's accepting but doesn't share those feelings. (What she says on her myspace is something I'd take with a grain of salt: it's pretty popular there to say you "flirt with girls" or the like, and social networking sites often are more about personas than actual people.)

All in all, sounds like the right relationship for the two of you now is as friends. I think telling her again you have feelings wouldn't be fruitful and isn't so kosher: she knows you have feelings, as you have already expressed them, and has already made her own feelings clear. If her feelings change, the ball is in her court to express that now.

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MudPuppy
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Ok. Thank you.

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"We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!"

Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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