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Well. I'm finally able to admit my sexuality to myself without feeling "dirty." I came out to a very liberal friend of mine recently. I feel much more confident in my sexuality lately, and I'm so relieved. And so, the crushing begins. :]
Alright, so there's this girl who is in my French class. She's very pretty and smart, and I'm a bit smitten with her. Let's backpedal a little here and talk about my romance history, which is pretty much zilch. I've never been in a relationship with either a guy or a girl, and I'm Sweet Sixteen and never been kissed. I guess I've just been becoming a little...frustrated lately. At the rate I'm going, I'm going to graduate high school without ever having been on a date! I just feel like I'm ready for a relationship at last.
Now, this wonderful girl just happens to be a senior, while I'm a junior. The thing is, there is only a few months left before she graduates. I'm worried that I'm going to be left behind knowing that I may have blown my only chance -- and I don't want that.
Regarding her sexuality, I think it's possible that she may like girls as well. If you've ever had a Facebook, you'll know that you get to check off a list of things such as your gender, age, hometown, etc. Well, one of those items is gender preference. Normally, people who are secure in their heterosexuality just tick off the opposite sex and go on with their happy lives. If you're like me and are attracted to the same sex but afraid of making it known to your entire Catholic school, you sneakily leave it blank. I noticed that she never filled that out either. Maybe it's a weak theory, but it does give me a little hope.
And maybe it's just me seeing what I want to see, but I'll sometimes be glancing at her out of the corner of my eye and notice her kind of smiling at me. It sends a tingle down my spine. <3 But yes, that may just be in my head too.
Now, what it boils down to is: I really like this girl and would like to maybe eventually sometime tell her this. I'm nervous though...not only is she in my French class, but she's one of the moderators of French Club, which I'm active in. If I tell her and she doesn't like me back, I don't know how I'm going to face her in class or in the club. But I'm just...wistful. I want someone to love and someone to love me back. And I just feel like something could happen with her.
And thus endeth my epic histoire. If you're still with me, would you care to share any advice? <3
-------------------- I believe that love is love. There is nothing more to it, and no one --no one-- has the right to judge another human being based on whom they fall in love with. Posts: 4 | From: Connecticut | Registered: Jan 2008
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Hey Kirsten, good on you for being brave and feeling confident ;-p
I reckon you have little to lose here and everything to gain. Say something to her! Better yet, say something in french, the language of love. You feel like something could happen with her, and theres only one way to find out huh.
Of course you want someone to love and for someone to love you...most of us want that i think. Not much advice here, just a little encouragement. Bon chance!
Posts: 1321 | Registered: Nov 2007
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I wouldn't base your entire suspicion on facebook lol, I know a lot of people on there who are apparently "in a relationship" who really are not.
It's so daunting to announce your feelings to anyone, and the rarer nature of same-sex romance is such that it can be even More daunting... So why not just take a few steps towards that, rather than going straight for it? You could chat to her and just ask if she wants to hang out, you may be able to tell straight away that she's into you, you may not, but getting to know her would be super valuable. It'd make it a lot less daunting to open up to her if you actually knew a little more what you're dealing with and had a sort of friendship to back you up.
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Aww, thank you Eryn! That sent me to bed in a good mood last night. =D A little encouragement goes a long way, and it really made me feel better about myself and about taking the initiative in starting a relationship.
Haha, Facebook can be notoriously unreliable. =p Just an observation I made, though. And I agree with you; with same-sex relationships, first you have to find out whether the person is actually attracted to your gender. And that's no guarantee that they'll have a crush on you. I'll admit that it can be quite nerve wracking...I'm taking your advice to heart, and I think I'll take the first step and strike up a conversation with her tomorrow after French. I'd be happy with just getting to know her, even if it never does escalate into a romantic relationship. Thanks so much to both of you for your replies, it really helped. <3
-------------------- I believe that love is love. There is nothing more to it, and no one --no one-- has the right to judge another human being based on whom they fall in love with. Posts: 4 | From: Connecticut | Registered: Jan 2008
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