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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » In love with a lesbian.

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Author Topic: In love with a lesbian.
richy
Neophyte
Member # 31701

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So I'm a guy, and I sort of fell in love with this lesbian after knowing her for like 20 minutes. I knew that if I asked her out, that it would probably not happen, and I was right, I told her that I really liked her, and that kinda stuff, and she said that she doesnt think she could ever date me. I told her that I'm happy just being friends with her, which I am. But it still kinda hurts, it's very unusual that I would just fall for someone like that. But my friends and her cousin tell me that shes been with guys before, and they were sure that she would go out with me, but apparently not. I'll live with it, but I just wanted to talk to someone about it.
Posts: 11 | From: oklahoma | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
out cated
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i just want to say that things like that suck but if you guys are good friends then with luck you will get over it and i also wanted to say that was super brave and i don't think that i would have been able to do some thing like that and go you!

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happy is orange juice

Posts: 9 | From: surrey bc | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Hey richy, you certainly aren't alone in this regard. You tried, showing interest, but she doesn't feel the same way; regardless of sexual orientation, not having this feeling be mutual is always a possibility. That's something you need to respect (and not compare yourself with others or be all asking around on it.) Also, you really fell for her after 20 minutes... those are some strong feelings, but it's also not some long-term crush. Becoming friends sounds great, should it work out, but you can always ask for some distance if the feelings don't go away. [Smile]
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Miss_Mary-Ann
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Hello,

You are clearly not alone here, I see this happen all the time, I know it may suck but really all you can do is start a friendly relationship with her, it may not be what you want but hey, its better then nothing, and you never know she might just need time warming up to you before even thinking about dating you, this was in the range of 20 mins hun, so I say just give it some time and see what happens [Smile]

Hope I helped!

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~Mary-Ann~

Posts: 44 | From: Missouri | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
richy
Neophyte
Member # 31701

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well I was exaggerating when I said 20 minutes, we had known each other before, but the time I'm refering to , we actually became friends, and that's when I started liking her.
Posts: 11 | From: oklahoma | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Miss_Mary-Ann
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Well I still have to stick to the advice I gave you, I would suggest if you really want to get to know this girl, then you guys should go out on group dates or something, nothing special just a little hang out time so you can get to know eachother but I can't say if her feeling for you will be stronger or not, it depends on the person. [Smile]

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~Mary-Ann~

Posts: 44 | From: Missouri | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
richy
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i am trying to get to know her, I hung out with her a few days ago at her house, we just watched a movie and tv and stuff, right now were just friends, and I'm fine with that, but I still really like her.
Posts: 11 | From: oklahoma | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Miss_Mary-Ann
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well thats good your getting to know her, and even if things don't work out for you, you always have a good friendship [Smile]

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~Mary-Ann~

Posts: 44 | From: Missouri | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
feefiefofemme
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I understand that it's always hard when someone you like doesn't return your feelings. However, regardless of whether or not she's a lesbian, it does sound like she's clearly stated that she doesn't like you "that way", and it's your job now to respect that. Good on you for trying to establish a friendship with her, if you like her as a person there's no reason not to do that, but don't fool yourself into thinking that one day her feelings towards you will change. If it takes a while for you to get over her, than that's okay, if you find yourself still feeling the same way about her after a significant amount of time has passed, I think the best move would be to take a step back and not see her for a while. It's fine to be attracted to someone who isn't attracted to you in return, but once you've been rejected, so to speak, it's really just not polite to continue to pursue them romantically. So if you think you can be friends with her and really just be friends, great. But otherwise, leave her alone, you know?
Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
richy
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Member # 31701

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I know that I can just be friends, I dont expect her feelings to change, and I am totally fine with that.
Posts: 11 | From: oklahoma | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
feefiefofemme
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Well, then go right ahead. It'll all work out eventually regarding your feelings towards her. You may feel crummy now, but just be patient. Time heals all wounds, and all that. Best of luck!
Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SilentScream013
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Member # 26119

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Just wanted to say im really sorry about that.. I made the mistake of falling in love with a straight woman.. I know it can really hurt.
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Boudicca
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I'm sure it must hurt a lot for you, but keep in mind she might be hurt too. One of my guy friends admitted he liked me right as I was coming out. He's an awesome guy, and I felt horrible knowing I couldn't reciprocate or be what he wanted me to be...

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The cross to bear is not for those who are gay, but those who believe in crosses in the first place.

Posts: 3 | From: The Suburbs | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scaredaboutthetruth
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i know exactly how you feel

all i can say is i no the person doesnt feel the same but you really should try and just forget your feelings

but people are saying to avoid her/not see her for a while but in my experiance that dont help i just think the best thing to do would be to ignore it all even though i know it may be hard

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......_[[I]] Wish I Could [[Remove]] It From My [[Mind]]......

Posts: 28 | From: leicester | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mr. Matthew E.
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*sigh* i feel that..

we've gotten to be good friends at university.. and we've planned to have all our classes together this coming semester.. and i've just come to terms with my feelings last March... and i know she's in a relationship already.. so being close to her this sem will not be helping...

sigh...

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Je veux juste une derniere danse..

Posts: 1 | From: Philippines | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Megalos2008
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Hello,
This is and old thread but is almost exactly what happened to me.
In sum, I, man, spent more than a year hoping that my lesbian girl would change her mind since she really wanted and tried to, perhaps trying to correspond to all I made for her, perhaps just to have some false image to show at her home.
But obviously it did not work. besides this, recently, a very beautiful girl came to her life... and here I am, sharing my experience. I could quit drugs and alcohol years ago and I dare to say it is a million times easier than changing a whole sexual orientation. Indeed this second is just impossible.
Man, I hope your heart is now in peace. It's my turn to take time to forget and restart somewhere else.

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G.A.G

Posts: 1 | From: Bogota, Colombia | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
That Guy with a heart
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I fell in love with one too, but not in 20 minutes. After knowing her 9 months. Even through all her GFs & thier breakups, i've stood by her. After the last girl to break up with her, I bought her flowers, chocolate, & a card saying just the right thing, plus something personal written inside. She told me I was the most romantic guy she ever met. Her mom saw the flowers & likes me now. She wanted me to go out with her daughter [Smile] .
Her straight friends & 1 gay one think i'm cute, her mom likes me, I just did the most romantic thing ever...its SO PERFECT! but she's still lesbian:(
And then she went back out with her EX that had just broken up with her,WTF & are still together. I hope one day she will turn straight & i'll get my chance. But then i'm being selfish aren't I? Maybe she should be with her GF. After all, i want her to be happy & her GF is what makes her happy. I've been supportive of them. She's changed my views about lesbians. & i have gotten to know her GF better. She's OK & explained the breakup.

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Ste-Funnie
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You know, I am a lesbian and that happened to me once. What's different is, I gave in. You know, he was all, "Oh you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen! If you weren't gay I would date you!" Him telling me I'm so pretty flattered me so much, b/c no guy has ever said that to me. Thats what mesmerized me to give into him. Then I didn't like him anymore after 2 weeks, but I was too chicken to break up with him. Now I never wanna make that mistake again. Except that girl didn't end up like me, b/c she didn't give in.

Also, I'm admired that you're living with it and I feel your pain. A lot of girls that I like are straight, and I have to live with it too. Even the prettiest girls. So I just accept it and try finding another girl, who would be willing to go out w/ me. That's the other thing. Don't worry. You'll like/find somebody else. Of course, there are a lot of straight girls in this world. You just have to keep trying to put the glass slipper on every woman until you fit the shoe on Cinderella.

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
social retard
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Member # 52778

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I liked a girl last year and as we became better friends, i noticed how great we'd be together and i fell in love with her. One night when her, me and two other friends we're hanging out, i wanted to ask her out but that night she told us she's a lesbian. After that, i decided not to tell her how i feel but we kept doing fun stuff together and became best friends. Now I see her almost every day and I keep falling more and more in love with her. My heart wants me to tell her, but i don't want everything to get awkward and stuff. So, what to do? [Frown]

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pepe

Posts: 1 | From: Holland | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Hey social: can I ask you to consider changing your handle? It's something we rarely ask of users, but when someone chooses a handle with language in it others may find very offensive, upsetting or insulting, we need to ask. Thanks.)

It sounds like this girl made very clear to you she's not interested. So, I don't think it's probably appropriate or productive to share those feelings with her again.

I think the better tactics would be to check in with yourself, and if you feel like it's too hard for you to be friends with her with those unreciprocated romantic feelings, you'll perhaps want to make some distance for yourself in this friendship.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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