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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » need some help

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Author Topic: need some help
Member # 33202

Icon 1 posted      Profile for goldaries13     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
First of all, let me say that I'm a 18 year old(in two weeks, anyway) bisexual female. I've come out to my parents, my father with a great deal of success. My mother... not so much.

You see, the problem is not my orientation. It'd be easier if it were. My mother is convinced I'm not serious.

You see, I have a 31 year old sister who, after years of dating men and having two children with a man, came out as a lesbian. She's currently living happily with a partner and is perhaps my biggest supporter.

I came out about a year and a half after my sister did, though we've since talked and I discovered I figured myself out long before she figured herself out(I figured it out in fifth grade, about eight years ago, and my sister only did so for herself about three years ago).

I tried explaining this to my mother, but she is convinced I'm just trying to follow in my big sister's footsteps. She keeps asking "are you sure that this isn't a reaction to everything?"

How do I tell my mother I'm serious, that this is me and I'm not just copying my big sister?

Posts: 3 | From: New York | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32522

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Tenshi_XI     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I sorta have the same concerns as you. The last thing I want is for my mom, family, or someone to slap me with an "oh jeez, you're just trying to be trendy/hip/whatever."

I know my mom tends to believe I only am interested in something because it's popular, new or w/e, which is really not the case. I'm like anti-trendy.

Still, I'm forced to keep my friends that are gay kinda secret, not because she'd be critical of them, but because I don't want her to think they're influencing me, or converting me, or some such nonesense. It's hard enough convincing her that ideas or thoughts are my own, let alone on something major like this.

Now, for the hard questions: Have you, throughout your life, had a tendency to emulate your big sister, or follow the same path as her? If that's the case, then I can see why your mom would be thinking "She's just trying to copy her sister."

Perhaps what's in order is to get her alone, sit her down, and explain out in excrutiating detail why your not copying her, how you know your feelings are genuine, how long you've know this, etc etc etc. Just really lay it down, spell it out if you have to. Hopefully then she'll understand.

GL! At least you're a step ahead of me, I haven't even outed myself to my mom yet.

Posts: 51 | From: CA | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32276

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Surferchk07     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know with your mom just saying that your trying to copy your sister the situation is weird I mean its hard to get a parent to really know its you and not some phase or you copying someone. I guess keep being you and eventually she will know its not a phase or not you trying to be like your sis.

My mom did the same thing, She thinks me being a lesbian is all just a big ole phase in my life and that im just copying my gay friends and wanting to be like them. Which is hilarious.

And I aggree with what Tenshi said about sitting her down and explaining it to her more maybe she will really get it then.

And 2 weeks your going to be 18 aye? me too! April 9th for me so your around then too huh? Happy early birthday!


"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

Posts: 154 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 33202

Icon 1 posted      Profile for goldaries13     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
thanks both of you. It's not so such I had a tendency to emulate my older sis, but I was always hanging around her. It worries my mom, I guess.

And for the record, I never made a conscious decision to out myself to my parents. I will only say two words: Compromising position!

Come to think of it, I understand why Dad was okay with it, too; I believe his words to me about my girlfriend were: 'I'd hit that.' Awkward, but funny, and just like my dad(you'd have to meet him to understand).

And surfer, April 9th? Me, too! Happy early birthday.

Posts: 3 | From: New York | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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