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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Mother doesn't always know best...

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Author Topic: Mother doesn't always know best...
Member # 29726

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kamilah     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ooookkk Here's the deal:
I'm nearly 18 and I've known I was bi since I was a freshmen in high school.
My parents went through a nasty seperation the year I came out to my friends, which resulted in my dad moving out and my mom, in a horrible rage, telling me that he was gay and had an affair with one of his friends. She has since moved out of state, but everytime I visit her, she's all 'fags are going to hell, and your dad is a horrible person...blah blah blah' (I live with my dad). one in my family knows that I'm bi, or that I have a girlfriend, and I love my mom very much, but her ranting is really starting to piss me off. And I know that I'll have to come out to them sooner or later, I just don't know how.
Also...I want to confront my dad and find out if what my mom said was true...I mean maybe he'll understand me more...but how awkward would that be?
My mom is the biggest homophobe ever and has a bad habit of denying things and fitting scenarios to her own little world, but I'm thinking the only way to come out to her is to make out with my girlfriend in front of her (too bad that wouldn't end too nicely heh).
Any advice? It would be greatly appreciated.

Posts: 1 | From: St. Louis | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27369

Icon 1 posted      Profile for origami_jane     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
First off, nobody says you have to come out to your parents tomorrow. Nobody says you have to come out to them in ten years.

However, you can bring up the subject of homosexuality by maybe talking about people banning same-sex marriage/civil unions in many states, or maybe a gay actor, or something that is value-neutral when it comes to your father, just to test the water out. He may talk about his sexual orientation if he knows you'll accept him regardless, which is the impression you'll give when you talk about current events, movies, etc.

Plus, it's probably going to be a lot less awkward than you think. I would probably say something like, "when you and mom separated, I heard some things about you that nobody had ever told me before. I love you, and I want to know who you are......" and then ask him if he's gay.

And then if you felt comfortable, you could come out to him, and try and talk about your experiences in coming out to yourselves, or how the world is right now, or what you would like to change.... etc.

I would suggest not coming out to your mom until you are certain that your father would support you if it ended badly, or maybe if you have an aunt or uncle or friends you could stay with in case that brings up some tension between your parents.

Posts: 129 | From: Mid-Atlantic US | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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