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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » girl on girl safe sex

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Author Topic: girl on girl safe sex
WolfTiger
Neophyte
Member # 28319

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I've been in a same sex monogamous relationship for two years, we are both each others first. I've been lurking on here for awhile, and I've learned that we are still at risk for STIs/STDs even though neither one of us has had a sexual relationship (of any kind, really, not even kissing) previous to this one.

However, it seems that most of the advice for safer girl on girl sex is about oral sex, which my partner is not interested in.

Neither of us has ever been tested, we didn't know we could be at risk! (In fact, my partner has never even been to the gyno, which I've been trying to convince her that it's a good idea to go). I know for a fact that I have oral herpes, I got it when I was a little kid. We do not kiss or really do anything sexually when I have an outbreak or feel one coming on.

So my question is, what are we at risk for? BV? HPV? I know everyone says STIs/STDs are called that because they are most commonly passed on through sexual contact, but usually when mentioning a disease/infection that can be passed on in other ways, herpes is mentioned, which I already have, and we are careful about me not infecting her. I know that you're going to tell us both to get tested, two tests in a year six months apart plus monogamous before we have unprotected sex.

BUT, what can we do to protect ourselves when having sex? Would we use a dental dam for vulva/vulva sex? How exactly would that work? Should we lube both sides (or would that make it slide too much?) Would we have to hold it in place?

Any recommendations and advice is very welcome! :-)

Posts: 5 | From: Las Vegas | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

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For a list of what you may be at risk for from manual and oral sex, have a look at this: A Quickie STD/STI Risk Assessment

To practice safer sex, use a dental dam during oral sex. You can buy dental dams, make them by cutting the tip off a condom and slitting it lengthwise, or just use a piece of good old plastic wrap. Lube the side that will lie against your partner's vulva. If you're not fond of the flavour of latex, there are flavoured dental dams available, or you can use a bit of flavoured lube on the side your mouth will be on.

Unfortunately, dental dams do have to be held in place. There are harnesses available, but they're pretty rare and tough to find. (logic_grrl did post a guide to making harnesses though, if you're feeling creative: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum2/HTML/000853.html)

For manual sex, either simply wash your hands well before with warm water and soap, or wear a latex glove. Either way, lots of lube makes things more comfy. (And I gotta recommend the glove - it just makes everything so much smoother and more comfortable.)

Obviously, we are going to recommend that you both get two full STI screens six months apart and stay monogamous during that time before having unprotected sex. And really? Your girlfriend does need to start seeing a gyn for yearly checkups - it's such an important part of maintaining overall health.

[ 04-16-2006, 02:00 AM: Message edited by: karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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There's really not much you can do for protection when it comes to vulva/vulva grinding, even though yeas: there are HPV and Herpes risks there. But if neither of you has had ANY other sexual partners before, that risk is miniscule.

Per BV, so long as you're not sharing sex toys directly, and you're using latex gloves or washing hands per manual sex, you're well protected. With any sex toys, just cover dildos, if you use them, or longer vibes with condoms, and/or boil the toys you can boil between uses, and don't use the same, uncovered toy between both of your vulvas.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WolfTiger
Neophyte
Member # 28319

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excellent, sounds like we are doing all we can to stay safe, we don't share toys nor do we have oral sex. I will talk to my partner about getting tested, as well as talking to her again about the gyno. As it stands now, is it okay for us to NOT use latex gloves as long as we wash our hands before manual sex?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Latex gloves add an extra measure of protection (and usually feel pretty nice), but handwashing before manual sex does that job very close to as well.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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