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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » need some help...

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Author Topic: need some help...
Member # 27984

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So here's my problem...

I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and all of a sudden she broke up with me last week. When we talked on the phone she said she wanted to be friends for a while and then get back into a relationship. I'm not sure what her intentions are but she also told me that we rushed into a relationship too fast.
I don't think that we did though. We both had strong feelings for each other last year when she was going out with her then boyfriend. I was there for her when he dumped her and things progressed slowly. Not to mention that we were friends for 5 years before we got together. I'm the first girl she's ever been with and it was great.
This is not the first time she's broken up with me. Last summer she broke up with me for about 3 weeks because she couldn't really handle a realtionship. Of course, I was devestated for 2 weeks but I was slowly getting over her. But then she begged for me to come back to her after awhile. Since then our relationship has been great until last week when she dumped me. She claims to still care about me but I don't know.
Should I still attempt to be her friend or should I just let go? So far she hasn't really been too friendly with me..she never calls like she says she will. I'm totally lost. I still love her, you just can't forget someone you've been with for a year. I'm just don't want to get hurt again.

BTW...we are both 18.

Posts: 8 | From: waco, texas | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 25425

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Did the same-sex relationship come out of the blue for her or had she thought about her sexuality before? I ask this because, if this is her first same-sex relationship, it is entirely possible that she just hasn't come to terms with her sexuality yet. Given that this is the second time she's asked for a break, I'd think that might be at least part of her motivation.

That's just a thought, though, and aside from that it's really difficult for us here to guess what your girlfriend is thinking. So your best bet, really, is to talk to her. You say she hasn't been very communicative since the break-up, but maybe you can let her know that you'd like to discuss what happened because you feel confused as to her reasons for breaking up. Really, the least she can do is let you know why she's ending things.

Whether or not you want to be friends with her is totally up to you. Since you two were friends before, it'd certainly be worth a try to keep the friendship. However, it takes two for that, and if either of you is too upset by what's happened between the two just now, the it's perfectly okay to keep apart for a while and, if you feel up to it, reconnect in a few months when you've both gotten some space.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27984

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Thank you for all your advice, September. But now she's left me for some guy she works with. Break ups suck so bad...especially since I loved her so much. Sigh....
Posts: 8 | From: waco, texas | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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