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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » I think I love, her, but I don't know if she is gay

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Author Topic: I think I love, her, but I don't know if she is gay
Caroskis
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So, I am totally in love with my best friend, but I don't know if she is straight or bi, because I know she likes boys, but it seems to me that she has given me some signals that she might like me, but I'm not sure. I have never been good at telling that sort of thing with guys, much less girls. I only came out to myself about 3 months ago, and the only one who knows is my sister. Also, normally, this friend would be the first I would tell, but since I like her so much, I am not as comfortable doing so as I otherwise would be. please help!!!
Posts: 3 | From: San Rafael, CA, USA | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Just an FYI.

It's really, really normal and very typical, when one first has any same-sex attraction, for it to be to a best friend. That isn't to discount what you're feeling, or say your feelings aren't in any way real or valid. Rather, it's to acknowledge that it's possible that at least some of what you're feeling for her, and what you're reading from her, is because this is someone you're very familiar with, and who you love emotionally regardless. Just worth thinking about a little.

Frankly, I'm always going to advise someone to give something like this time.

You just came out: hooray! So, how about getting out there just a little, even in terms of something like a GSA, or a local teen center or group for queer youth. Get used to what life is like being out, get a feel for being queer, make a queer friend you can talk to for some perspective. And by all means, consider coming out to your best friend, as a best friend: coming out isn't going to change if she's attracted to you or not if she is, after all.



Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Caroskis
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quote:
Originally posted by Miz Scarlet:
Just an FYI.
You just came out: hooray! So, how about getting out there just a little, even in terms of something like a GSA, or a local teen center or group for queer youth. Get used to what life is like being out, get a feel for being queer, make a queer friend you can talk to for some perspective. And by all means, consider coming out to your best friend, as a best friend: coming out isn't going to change if she's attracted to you or not if she is, after all.


Well, I would really like to, but I am kinda afraid my mom would find out. I mean, I can't drive yet, and if I went someplace near school, she would want to know why I wanted to be picked up late. basically, I am not comfortable coming out to everyone else, and they might find out. A couple of kids recently said some really homophobic stuff on our website at school, and even though they were expelled, I don't know what the practical attidude to being gay is at our school. I would ask some one who is out already what being out at our school is like, but the only ones I know of graduated last year, so I don't know who to ask. basically, there are just a lot of people who I think would act negatively and I am just not ready for that.
but then again, I might. how do you find local groups for lgbt youth? I mean, I doubt they are in the yellow pages. Thank you for your advice.


Posts: 3 | From: San Rafael, CA, USA | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Well, how about contacting those kids who graduated last year?

Pretty much as a general rule, you'll find very few people who went through coming out unwilling to help out someone else. If there's a casual way to contact them, just saying something like, "We're not close, but I've recently come out, and I can't figure how safe that is at school. What was it like for you?" should do the trick. Those of us who are out all know how hard coming out can be.

Per local groups, you can usually just do a Google search with your area and GLBT, and if there are resources local to you, they should be relatively easy to find in that way.


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shounen
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If there is not a GSA at your school, you could always start one. Just find a teacher you know will be supportive. You could always hold meetings at lunch.
Posts: 1 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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