ok so my girlfriend was recently raped and shes trying to get over it and im helping her over it to and i know its going to take time and i understand that.we usaully go out and make out and things and now im trying to limit that you know i dont want to pressure her,and im not the one whos doing the pressuring,she wants to make out and have sex(oral ect...)everytime we are alone and when i suggest that we cool it she gets upset and wind up going over her ex-girlfriends house.i just dont know what to do i want to give her enough time to get over it you know some space but she just wont listen.shes not pushing me away shes doing the opposite.
Posts: 26 | From: baltimore,maryland,usa | Registered: Dec 2005
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Does she have a counselor or survivor's support group?
If not, I'd suggest you help her get one or both.
Then I suggest you talk with her: it might help to make clear that your reticience is NOT about thinking she's spoiled or sullied in any way. It's about concern for her because often, rape survivors can need some time before sex is really okay. It's also fair for you not to want to be her medicine, too, and not all that fair -- albeit human -- for her to approach you that way. trying to normalize sex again after a rape is a pretty understandable impulse: one doesn't want to thin the enjoyment has been robbed from them.
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