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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Confused...

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Author Topic: Confused...
Member # 27391

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I think I'm bi. And, as I gather is very common, it causes problems.
1) I'm not even 100% sure, so coming out doesn't seem like a good idea, not until I *know*.
2) I'm not sure if I'm even going to want to come out. It's not my parents- they're fantastically liberal and easygoing. They've told all of us dozens of times that they'd love us no matter who we loved. But it is family, in a way.
My best friend Kaitlyn is my sister in all but blood. She is also very Catholic, and very uncompomising. We've discussed various mutual lesbian or bi or gay friends before and shes convinced that it's a sin. She doesn't rail at any of them, or preach (but then again, they've never been very close.) She just wishes that "someday they find guidance out of their sins."
3) I have no idea what/if to tell my boyfriend. I have no intention of breaking up with him. I also know that he's not homophobic; he hangs out with quite a few bi people already, and treats them just like anyone else. I feel like I should be completely honest with him (he does tend to inspire that in people), but it's so awkward, and I am scared. Not of him. Of losing the first decent boyfriend I've ever had.

Only in the dark can you see the stars.

Posts: 4 | From: My Own Little World | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 3

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Well, per #3, howsabout, "I think I'm bisexual. I want to share that with you because I love you but I also want you to know that just like I'm attracted to men and I choose to be with you, being attracted to women doesn't change my choosing to be with you."

Because, yanno, unless you want an open relationship, that's the truth of it right now, eh? Plus, holding unto someone by not being honest with them about yourself realy isn't holding on to them at all: it's creating a persona intentionally based on what you think will make them stay. Not so cool, nor exactly the benchmark of a truly intimate, healthy relationship.

Per #2, when the time comes you DO feel you want to come out, can you not talk to your folks about how to best manage this with your sister? I mean, maybe it's best it be kept as private as you want for now, especially if you aren't dating a woman, so for your sister and you, it's pretty muh a non-issue. I mean, I'd bet you don't know about all of her sexual attractions, either, as they're just not relevant to your relationship unless they become an integral part of it.

And per #1? WHATEVER time feels right for you is the right time. No one is required to tell anyone about their orientation even if they're heterosexual: how public or private anyone wants that is up to them. That also holds true for the boyfriend, especially if it's a very new relationship and youre both still slowly sharing all aspects of yourself with one another.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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