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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » How to bring it up?

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Author Topic: How to bring it up?
Member # 23917

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Okay. I've felt for a while that I'm ready to come out to my friends at school, but I really have no idea how to bring the topic up. I've seen lots of boards somewhat similar to this, but none say exactly /how/ you start the talk. When I came out to my parents it was easy because my mum asked me about it, but now I don't know what to do. Me and my friends have talked before about homosexuality and stuff, but not since a long time ago. I'd feel VERY akward just saying "oh, by the way, I'm bisexual" out of the blue, but I really don't know how to lead into it. Also, I'm a little unsure as to when would be a good time to bring it up. Anyhow, is there any advice people can give me?
Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 18892

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Well, it really depends on the friends. If you think they'd be really shocked or not take it well, you might want to really sit them down and prepare them for it. If you don't think it will be a big deal for them, maybe just raise it in the context of a joke and then let them know that way. You know your friends better than I do, so I can't really give you any specific advice. But remember, no matter how awkward it is, it will eventually be over, and pretty soon you'll forget the awkwardness too.
Posts: 106 | From: New York, NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23917

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As far as my two best friends go, one is UBER conservative and one is pretty liberal (actually, I suspect her of being not-so-straight herself). In any case, I love them both, and we have virtually no secrets from each other. I wouldn't want to lose either of their friendship, but in the case of my more conservative friend, I think it might come to that. She's a sweetie and I don't want to keep her in the dark, but... It's just hard. I've thought about a letter or something before, but I feel like that's too impersonal and/or might get a little melodramatic. What's your opinion as far as that goes?
Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

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How about a note just saying that there's something you'd like to talk to her about, and you're not sure if she'll be 100% comfortable with it, but you'd really like her to hear you out? You may decide that a letter or note or whatever isn't the way to go at all, but it's worked well for me a couple of times - gets their attention that there's something going on, and gives you a way to sort of ease into the conversation.
Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23519

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Actually, what worked for me was to just blurt it out in the middle of a conversation. I'd gone to a lesbian friend for advice on coming out and I wanted to do it in the least dramatic way possible. No long speeches or anything. So she suggested I just work it in as a by-the-way and the next time I was hanging out with my group of friends, that's what I did. Worked like a charm. No one was really surprised and there wasn't any big drama. Comments were made for a minute or two and then we went back to what we were talking about before.

I am not entirely sure if this'll work so great with your more conservative friend, given that you may want more of a chance to explain where you're coming from. But in general, I've found that to be a pretty effective strategy.

Good luck!

Posts: 51 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oOo Lea oOo
Member # 26647

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If you are more comfortable in telling your not so conservative friend, why not tell her first. Since it would be a bit easier for you. Maybe then the two of you can talk about a way to tell your conservative friend.

If one friend is supportive, maybe she can help the other understand. Maybe tell her in a joking way, but make your point made, and get what needs to be said . . said.

Afterwards, maybe take her to the side and explain that you don't want your conservative friend to be in the dark about this, but you aren't sure of a way to tell her. Maybe she can tell her.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope everything goes well. Good luck!

Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27580

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I remember one of my friends came out by saying " Wow, she's hot." I was like " Wow, your bi?" She said "Yep". It wasn't really that awkward and out of the blue. You should try that.
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Member # 26625

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I've just recently come out to quite a few of my friends, so I have a little advice I think I can give. I haven't lost any friendships over coming out yet, which is great.
I'd say the method of informing that works best depends on who your friends are. With some of my friends, I sort of slipped it in during conversations about sexuality. That works well. You can sort of get a conversation going about relationshsips, and tell them in a casual way, like it's no big deal and a fact of life.
What has worked once for me, even though it was slightly more awkward than just slipping it into a conversation, was telling one of my friends while a group of us were playing Truth or Dare. I wouldn't recommend this for everybody, but it worked for me.
A last tip for coming out is to tell the frieds who you know will be more accepting first. That way, you will have someone to support you while you tell more people.

Posts: 8 | From: Minneapolis, MN, US | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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