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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » dating

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Author Topic: dating
Member # 26297

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i am bi-sexual and so is my current girlfriend. i get upset with her because she treats me different because i am a girl as far as our relationship is concerned. she always it is becasue your a girl when she compares our relationship to ner past relationships with guys. I don't ever compare any of my relationships because there is no need for it. She makes me feel inadequate because i am a girl. I have never felt like this in a relationship before and i don't know how to respond to this. I really have lots of people male and female that want to date me, but i picked her. Which is another issue she is always like why do u date me when u have all of these other offers. I normally spend most of our quality time together explaining why i care about her. so i really have two questions: 1st should i be treated diffrently than her past boyfriends and 2nd is it possible for a very self-confident person to date a very insecure person? any imput is greatly appericated!!
Posts: 1 | From: wisconsin | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Doesn't sound like you two really get on that well.

Can I ask what, right now, you see as the PLUSSES of this relationship? In other words, what makes you happy about it, and for how much of the time?

Generally, people with a lot of massive insecurity aren't in a very good place for intimate relationships or dating: often, it's best they get a leg up on working on those issues by themselves.

Per "comparisons," you know, that's a tough question to answer. I've been actively bisexual since I've been actively sexual, and in over 20 years of relationships, while I can say some things differ depending on the gender of my partner, most of that in hindsight is cultural, not about the partnership itself. And some people process a given relationship via experiential comparisions. So, I don't know what kind of comparison we're talking about here, or what kind of expectations she has, but comparisons are human to some degree, and the things she is comparing may or may not be fair.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26184

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Although I know from experience that being single can sometimes be more beneficial for low self-esteem, my philosophy about relationships is that the Idea of any two people being "compatable" or able to have a relationship based on generalizations about them(like confident vs. unconfident) is too vague. I think that the true compatability of a couple happens on the day to day interaction level, like whether they do things that constantly bug you, or whether you have romantic feelings when you see them.

As a result, I think confidence only becomes an issue when either A. You make it one, and you become bothered about her lack of confidence because you are worried that she shouldn't have a lack of confidence, or B. Her lack of confidence is reflected in her everyday actions. If her questions about your fanclub bother you, or you find yourself frustrated with other actions that tie into a lack of confidence, then that makes sense, but I hate seeing people end relationships based on vague ideas of wether they "should" be together, etc.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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