I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 2 months now and we still haven't kissed. She's tried but everytime we get close to kissing I freeze and can't do anything. I think it really hurts her because she thinks I don't like her. It isn't that I don't like her, I'm really falling for her and I don't want to ruin anything. It's just that I'm not a very huggy, touchy- feely kind of person and she is. I've never kissed anyone before and I've never had a girlfriend before. I have no idea what to do and I'm scared. I know it's just a kiss and really isn't a big deal, but I don't want to let her down and I don't want to hurt her anymore- I want to kiss her- it feels right but when we get close to kissing I just freeze. I don't know what's wrong with me. Any ideas on what I could do?
[This message has been edited by pretzle (edited 07-15-2005).]
Have you explained to your girlfriend how you feel? I'm sure if you let her know that you've never kissed before and feel a little insecure, that she'll understand. Heck, she might even have felt the same before her first kiss.
But above all, kissing isn't that complicated. In fact, it comes naturally and there isn't really any way you could go horribly wrong.
So just take a deep breath and relax. Talk to your girlfriend and give yourself some time. Believe me, afterwards you'll wonder what you were so afraid of.
Things really aren't working out. She told me not to talk to her again until I knew what I wanted to do. I want to kiss her, but for some reason I can't. I don't know what my problem is and I don't know how to fix it. I want to kiss her- when I think about kissing her I get butterflies in my stomach and I really want to- but when we come close to doing it, I can't. It just feels so awkward being so close to her and I have no idea what to do and I panic and end up not doing anything. I think I have a problem with being intimate with anyone. I can't seem to show any affection at all. The more this continues, the more I upset her. I know that if I just kissed her back everything would be OK, but I don't think that will happen. The more this continues, the more I hurt her. I don't want to upset her anymore so I'm thinking of ending the relationship. This isn't what I want, but if I can't kiss her then I don't know what else to do.
Posts: 18 | From: UK | Registered: May 2004
| IP: Logged |
Honestly, your nerves are getting the best of you. This situation has gone way farther than just that tentative first kiss scenario. Instead of coming up every time with "I just can't!" which is bound to put you down in the dumps, start turning that around. You deprive yourself and your partner of a lot if you keep a fatalistic attitude.
Maybe this isn't the best thing for you right now. Maybe you need to back out of this relationship, or any relationship, until you can pull yourself together. It is obvious that your girlfriend is losing her patience a little bit, and part of that I can understand. But she needs to be understanding of your worries to a certain degree as well, and not blow up. However, it isn't fair to her if you don't feel comfortable being intimate w/ her, and she doesn't know that. Intimacy is a large part of many relationships, and adds to the joy of being together. Doesn't sound like that is going to happen for the time being.
For the future, have you ever tried practice kissing? I'm going to totally embarrass myself here, but I used to practice snogging the Thermostat on the wall in my room. Back of your hand works nicely too. However, if this isn't about so much kissing, as I suspect, and more about being intimate, that is something that will take longer to work over, getting experience w/ many different scenarios before you can say you're comfortable with intimacy.
Copyright 1998, 2013 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.