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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Can my boyfriend be?

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Author Topic: Can my boyfriend be?
Member # 17309

Icon 5 posted      Profile for DoppelgangersGrrrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't know how it came up, but the other night me and my boyfriend (of 16 months) were on my bed hanging out. We started asking each other questions and his one question that always comes up is if I would let him have anal sex with me. As always my responce is "NO". I never liked the thought of it and never will engage in such an activity. Anyhow, he confessed to me that he used to mess around with himself in that area. I was shocked!!!! I didn't understand at first but then I got it; he told me that whenever he had the chance he would do that to him self. He said it started in the 9th grade and that he finally stopped after 2 months of dating me. It does not end there, in fact he even told me that he wanted to be with a man before, but that I am his first girlfriend and that he loves me very much. Now i'm confused because after all of this I don't want him to touch me or anything, I think that it really bugs me, but what I don't know is if all of this would consider him gay? Is my boyfriend secretly gay?
Posts: 5 | From: CaliForNia | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 8067

Icon 10 posted      Profile for logic_grrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No, there are plenty of straight and bisexual men who enjoy anal play, including being penetrated.

Given that he said that he wanted to be with a man at one point in the past, that suggests that he could be bisexual.

But that doesn't in any way mean that his feelings for you aren't real, or that the two of you can't have a great relationship.

You might find it helpful to check out this article, as it sounds like you have some worries about this:

Bi the Dozen: A Bisexuality Quiz

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23488

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Although he said that he wanted to be with a man or that he has or likes anal sex dosnet mean hes gay as said befor he could be bi but besides, even if all this did mean he was gay that dosent mean he dosent care for you

Posts: 5 | From: TEXAS | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23555

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Nothing to worry.. i say u can proceed with him. Few men feel this at that particulary age, i would say for a male its the age of tasting diffrent ways of sex. but at the right time if u can get a partner from an opposite sex this could compleatly bring him to the right track of nature ...


He is gonna change once u are in his life...

Posts: 3 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 5822

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while I don't believe doppelgangersgrrls has anything to worry about with her boyfriend sexuality wise, to suggest that if he was gay he would "return to the right track of nature" once he found the right opposite sex partner is inaccurate and quite offensive.

Being gay or bisexual is not determined by who you're with, or whether or not you've found the "right" opposite sex partner, it's who you are, and doesn't change.

A partner cannot change someone's sexuality.

Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 22642

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Doppel, my bf admitted to me that he is bisexual and in the past had a sexual encounter with another guy. I was totally taken aback by it and to be honest, really grossed out! I know how you feel because i also started to worry if he was gay and only using me as a cover up etc.

You just need to remember that just because he may be bisexual or have gay fantasies, it doesnt mean he feels any different about you. He still loves you and you shouldnt let it affect your relationship =)


Posts: 34 | From: England | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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