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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Recloseting

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Author Topic: Recloseting
smittenkitten
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I know this may sound an odd subject, but has anyone out there ever had to go back into the closet after coming out?

I am out to my family, friends, and anyone who cares to ask. However, in a couple of months I will probably be going to university in a country town. I am seriously considering going back into the closet while I am there. On the other hand, there are 2 uni campuses so there might be a fair amount of city people, but I'm frightened of being outsted and friendless - my overt sexuality at least partly contributed to that happening this year. In general I have decided to be quiet and bookish like I used to be, and even though I am currently having a revulsion for 20-something straight men, long-term I would prefer their company over none at all.

I don't want to sound unhappy though - my life is good. I'm just considering my options. If anyone has stories to share I'd really appreciate it.

Happy New Year,
Winnie :0)


Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I guess I'm not sure what you're asking.

In other words, if say, you're choosing not to date for a while, and instead only study, how would you "go back into the closet"?


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shyBIone
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some thing with me~ i'm keeping quiet at school, b/c i'm scared to say anything to any one here just b/c i don't know anyone yet... but i have a girlfriend back home.. so the whole dating thing isn't a problem.. its just weird lying when ppl ask me if i have a bf... ::shrugs:: do whatever's most comfortable.. cause you're going to be at school there for a while...
Posts: 4 | From: San Diego, CA, USA | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
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If you don't have a boyfriend you don't have a boyfriend, and there's nothing to lie about. Quite simply, you don't owe anyone an explanation of your sexuality, though it's yours to give if you and they both feel comfortable hearing about it (not trying to suggest you should have to stay mum because of your orientation, simply that in some contexts, mentioning any sort of relationship isn't appropriate). Often, when someone asks if you have a boyfriend (or a girlfriend, if you're male) they're just trying to make small talk. If you want to talk about the partner you do have, that's cool, if not, you can just say 'no' and talk about the weather or whatever they were going to mention next.

------------------
Milke, with an L, Mrs BD to you, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, WAOTA

We can't rewind, we've gone too far


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
smittenkitten
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I guess what I'm asking is more to do with myself then the outside world. Because I'm so used to everyone knowing and not having to be careful, and generally telling anyone who'll listen about my sexuality because I'm damn proud of it. That wasn't even a real sentence. I get not talking about it etc. and I doubt I'd lie if someone asked me right out, but it's more about reining in my tendency to crack onto straight women and my loudmouthness, and also ways of dealing with my closetedness (is that even a word?) when I'm alone without resorting to depression or even cutting. I think my depression would be worse if I didn't have any friends because I was out. So if anyone can make sense of this post, please answer.

Hugs & Scully,
Winnie


Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*transient
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I come from a VERY small town, and had the same dilemma in high school, but really, after I got over the fear of losing friends etc and told people, it wasn't a big deal. I actually got alot of other people telling me they were bi, lesbian etc so it was much better being out. I guess it's really up to you, whether you tell people or not, but for me I find it easier because when people of the opposite sex try to hit on me or whatever it's really frustrating!!! So I might as well just be straight up about it you know? But it's up to you. It's unfortunate that you say you don't have many friends - hopefully in a university environment people will be more mature about this subject. You might want to go to your school's website and see if they have any queer clubs, bars, "positive space" etc, I know personally most of the schools I'm looking at for next year all have queer-positive clubs and areas on campus, so there's my little corner of the community!
About your cutting, whether or not you are doing it, if you're thinking about it I would go to a counselor. I have a few friends who cut/have cut and really, it's a hard thing to deal with, for everyone. Alot of them won't go to talk to anyone or get help, but some have and they are alot happier! And so am I.
Good luck xoxo

------------------
*and i love her


Posts: 61 | From: ON Canada | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
smittenkitten
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Thanks heaps The friends I had/have don't have any problem with my queerness - one is queer and the other is surrounded by queer people. They don't like me for good reasons. But anyway, as I said before, thanks for the advice.

About the cutting, I don't do it very often...sometimes I just get so frustrated that my head is going to explode. It usually happens in clubs when I go out alone because none of my friends will go with me. I go into the toilets and do it with the "waiter's friend" I got when I did a bar course. It's got these sharp little serrated teeth. But it's only once every couple of months. And I have a date tomorrow! Wahoo!

Winnie

[This message has been edited by gillians_gal (edited 01-08-2004).]


Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*transient
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Well it's good that you have a date, and it's good that you don't cut often. But it's still a problem. I mean nothing personal, but there are better ways to deal with things. Everyone gets stressed out, all the time, so if I were you, I would still talk to someone about it. I know someone who started small and now its way out of hand, and she refuses to get help - she thinks she doesn't even have a problem. (Although every inch of visible skin except her face/neck is covered in cuts, as well as what you can't see). I don't want to offend you or anything...just alot of people don't see cutting as a problem. But man, this is self-mutilation...And take it from me - this girl used to be my girlfriend, and now I haven't talked to her in years, because I just can't deal with her cutting. It really puts a strain on relationships, friends or otherwise. I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything, just think about it ok? Cuz you don't need to do that in order to make yourself feel better. Everyone has stress, but that isn't the right way to deal
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*transient
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Oops sorry I got off topic there :P
Posts: 61 | From: ON Canada | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
smittenkitten
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Thanks for your concern
Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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